Pathways

The three minutes it took for the pregnancy test to 'work' were the longer three minutes of my life. Honestly the fact that I could hear Darren pacing outside of the bathroom was probably the worst part. I could hear as he took deep inpatient breaths. I-of course-was worse off then him. My chest was tight and my body tense. I mean what what would he do if I wasn't pregnant? What would he do if I was? 

As I sat against the wall of the bathroom I slowly went through all the possibilities in my head. If I wasn't pregnant then maybe he would just have more sex with me. Unless for some odd reason I wasn't able to conceive...what would happen then? Would he stay with memory ditch me? Would I be able to push my wolf down so that he could form off spring with another woman and still sleep in my bed? I certainly hope that isn't the case, I'm not sure how well I'd be able to handle it. Although the same goes for what happens if I am pregnant, would he still love me? What would the town do to my child, I don't want them to morph it into some clone perfect alpha. 

"Have you gotten a result yet?" Darren questioned through the door. I jumped out of my day dream and looked down at the white stick I was holding. My heart dropped in my throat. There was the sigh ghat meant that I wasn't pregnant. 

I sat for a few more seconds, unsure what to tell him or how to tell him. He was so excited, so sure...god what now? "I'm sorry Darren, but..." 

I listened to him take a deep breath, a breath of disappointment. My heart pounded against my rib cage, unsure of what he would say. My eyes were trained on the pale white walls as I awaited his response, 

"well..." He started, leaning his weight on the door. "then we will have to try again later. It's not a big deal we still have a year." 

Relief washed over me and I allowed a happy breath out of my chest. I'm so freaking happy.

"Thank god." I muttered quietly, raising from my sitting position and tossing the stick in the trash. 

I didn't understand how I couldn't be pregnant. Honestly I was experiencing all of the symptoms. Fatigue, heightened smell, and sometimes random sickness. Although this white stick told me that I wasn't so I assume that I'm not. I mean why would they make a product that siding work? 

Okay, so maybe I am a little disappointed. I did want to be able to experience this with Darren. Hopefully I will be able to experience it with him. I can't explain how horrible it would make me feel if he left me because I couldn't reproduce. I can't say that I couldn't move on, it's ridiculous to make such a notion. If you lived without a person for your entire life, then you can live on without them. It may hurt for awhile, and you may feel lonely at times but you will always be able to pick up the life you had before them. As long as you strive for something it is possible to survive. Besides it's better to have loved and lossed, then to live your life wondering what it would be like to love. 

My fingers gripped the bronze handle of the door and twisted it slowly. Watching it pop open to show me the wonderful man standing at the other side. He tried desperately to hide the disappointment in his eyes, and a fake smile was plastered on his face to cover the pain. My heart strings tugged sadly, I had hurt him on accident. 

"Oh, Darren." I embraced him in a tight hug, and the feeling of him embracing me back sent butterflies into my stomach. "Don't be sad, please..." 

He buried his face deep in my shoulder for a couple minutes. Not saying anything and simply holding me. I found myself very concerned about him. I don't like knowing that I caused him pain. 

"it's okay, Rose. Really it's fine I'm sure it won't take us that long." 

For about ten minutes I simply held him. I wanted to be sure he was okay with this. He wouldn't tell me though, I felt as though he was upset but there was nothing that I could do about it. What are we going to do about this situation now? Try and try and try? Or would we take a break, try to except that maybe we weren't ready? I'm no sure what we are going to do, but all i can think of is that we have limited time to do what the council asked of us.