Pathways

Once Darren had fallen asleep I truly began to think. He assured me that he wasn’t going to make me sleep with him ever, but no male wolf can promise that. Male wolves were dominant, and they would always overpower the females. Especially in my case, he was a good three inches taller than me in wolf form and his muscles were the size of my head. Of course I suspected that from the alpha male, I was just the unfortunate one to have him as my mate. If something happened to ever piss him of I really hope it’s not because of me. Even now, as he holds me in human form, I’m scared something will happen and he’ll hurt me. I’m not really ready to trust this man; my wolf senses are crowding my normal senses. My wolf wants me to go with him, my human wants to hide. My wolf wants to sleep with him, my human is too scared. My wolf wants to love him; my human just wants to hate him for taking her from her pack. Either way my wolf seems to be winning.

My attraction for him was growing. That much was clear. He was handsome and strong, what girl wouldn’t be attracted to him. I felt safe with him at least. The only thing I was scared of was that strong body. Still my brain was telling me that he would never hurt me, at least not purposely. This could be my chance at love, at a home. Although he did concern me by telling me that not all mates loved each other. I didn’t want to be stuck in a relationship with someone who didn’t love me, or even like me. I didn’t want to have children with one man just because he’s my mate then turn around and love another. That doesn’t feel right to me. Can I really do this?

Darren mumbled a bit in his sleep and nuzzled closer to me. His arms were tight around me, but not to tight. They were like a protective shield that made me feel safe. It’s true that I didn’t hold major feelings for him yet, but it seemed to me that in the long run I could either love him or learn to deal with him. That was enough for me to feel confident enough to pursue this idea.

I turned my body against him, pulling the fur blanket tighter around us. He was still shivering and I knew that he wasn’t use to this weather. It was still interesting to me that he was willing to stay the night; if it were me I would want to travel through the night to get home. Then again there was that storm, which still was blaring outside. I have a feeling the snow will be pretty deep tomorrow. He may have a hard time traveling though it. I know that it takes sometime for your body to adjust, he won’t like it.

Again he groaned, pulling me closer. I honestly think he is trying to steal my heat, not to mention that his hold on me was a desperate hold. Sighing a bit myself I wrapped my arm around him, pressing my face into his neck. God, that scent that he gave on was intoxicating. It lured me in! I found that dangerous as well as attractive. It could all be a hoax, but then again I loved it.

Eventually I was able to doze off in his arms. It was comforting to sleep next to someone. Not only did it help me feel safe, but I actually didn’t feel alone. That was nice, I’ve been alone for so long that it just felt right to finally be able to relax. It was like a huge weight was lifted from me chest, I was able to breathe now.

My dreams were night terrors that night. Whither it was a warning or just my worries; I’m unsure, but they were scary. I found myself in the woods, running and panting from exhaustion. Someone was chasing me, growing and nipping at my heels. All I knew was that I desperately wanted to get away from them. They were planning on hurting me, my heart informed me of that. How could I get away from them though? My wolf body bounded around the corner of a tree, maybe trying to confuse them. It was snowing out, therefore ruining my vision. My icy blue eyes were darting around the image in front of me. Sadly I could only see the snow covered pine trees if they were smack dab in front of me. By then it was too late, if I was lucky I could avoid them but the next one I hit would be my doom. I hit it hard and it knocked me down, and because this was my dream I couldn’t get up. The snow was sucking me in. At the last moment I looked up and seen Darren’s large wolf body standing overtop of me, ready to overpower me.

I awoke with a start, shooting up in my sleep and yanking out of Darren’s arms. Half hyperventilating and half trying not to cry. God, mental note do not talk about being raped right before bed. That dream terrified me, could it be a warning?

“Rose?” Darren whispered huskily.

I looked back at him. He had a worried expression hanging on his face. I noticed he looked a little alarmed as well, he was hanging on by a tread because he through we were in danger. He was ready to change into his wolf form and protect me. That was kind of sweet.

“I’m sorry, bad dream.” I whispered urgently. Trying to calm him down, I didn’t mean to scare him.

He lifted his hand gently to my face in a soothing manner, I found myself leaning into it. His hand was warm, almost like it contained the sun. “Are you okay?”

I nodded but still found myself leaning against his chest. He knew what I wanted and instantly wrapped me in a gentle hug. Comforting was the only word to describe it. The need to cry vanished and I could only smell him again. He was like a freaking drug! I felt his nose press to the top of my head, in hailing as well. At least I wasn’t the only one affected by the smell.

“What was the dream about?” He whispered against my dark brown hair.

I cringed against his chest and I think he felt it through his shirt because he started rubbing my back soothingly. Still waiting for an answer of course, though I’m not sure I want to tell him.

“Rape.” I whispered, I felt him stiffen. Did he know it was because of what we talked about before we went to bed, did he now realize how my brain wonders?

“Rose…”He started to comfort me, but I felt like he didn’t know what to say. I honestly don’t know if I want him to say anything. Could I take his advice? Or would it be to embarrassing for me? “Have you been raped?”

I shook my head against his shirt, I probably sound so dumb now. “I came close.” I shuddered against him, remembering the things that happened that night. It was quite similar to the dream. “He chased me through the woods, I wasn’t very old. Maybe fourteen or fifteen. Roe caught up before anything bad could happen, but he had me pinned. He wasn’t apart of my pack, he was rouge.”

He changed from stroking my back to stroking my hair. “I’m sorry you had a bad dream. I suck at comforting; I haven’t really had a lot of experience.” He allowed a short giggle to come out of his mouth, I did as well.

“It’s okay.” I mumbled with a smirk plastered on my cheeks. We sat in silence for a few moments. Both of us kind of claiming down and taking a breath.

Then he spoke. “I think my dad raped my mom, I think that’s how she had me. I’m not sure though, but I suspected it.”

I frowned and looked up at him a little, noticing he was staring blankly at the red fabric wall. “Ask her.”

He frowned and looked down at me; I noticed he had a depressed look in his eyes. “I can’t, she’s dead.” Shit, what did I led myself into now?