Would You Bargain With Hell?

I smiled at the note in my lap; I could feel warmth in my cheeks.

“Why are you blushing Rayder?” Patrick asked, I looked up.

“I’m just happy Patrick.”

He smiled, his tea-stained teeth shining a dull yellow. “Lets you and me go for a nice walk okay?”

I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay there, where Mason was. I wanted to know what Mason felt. I wanted for him to explain to me how I felt, since I didn’t know. I wanted him to tell me everything was okay, that I could relax. I wanted to be myself with him.

“I’d love to Patrick, but I’m not really wearing the right attire.”

His grassy eyes scanned my outfit. “I know Grace must ask you to dress nicely, but honestly m’dear you don’t need to wear such lovely dresses to lunch. I’d rather them be a treat instead of something I’d expect.”

That took me back, no one thought like that. I smiled at him. “Really Patrick?”

“Yeah, we can go past the outlet mall and pick you up something more casual.” He scooted out of the booth and took my hand.

“I’ll pay the waiter if you want to let your driver know.”

He nodded and pulled a red master card out of his pocket, he handed it to me. “Thanks love.” He leaned down and tilted my chin up, placing his lips on mine again, but only for a moment. I watched him as he left. Once he was gone I rubbed my palm against my lips and walked through the crowd to the counter.

I looked around, trying to find Mason. Someone tapped my shoulder and I spun around.

I swear I felt tears sprouting in the corners of my eyes. I threw my arms around his, and he did the same around me.

When I pulled away he was smiling.

“I have to pay you.” I looked up at him.

“No you don’t, for a pretty girl like yourself it’s on the house.”

I smiled. “Mason I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

“Shhh. Go get your English boy, I’ll see you tonight.” His face was stern, though his eyes soft.

I nodded and ducked back through the crowd. I met Patrick outside. He held my hand.

Cars roared past us, each whirring the air around it. The stores blurred together along the street. I’d never been downtown. It was eclectic. Small food stands smelled while their owners spat on the passer byes to have a hotdog. Patrick was tall beside me, he looked very serious and I didn’t think anyone wanted to mess with him. He pulled me around a corner.

There was a large Sears just ahead.

“I’ll race you.” He proposed squeezing my hand and looked down at me.

“Really?”

He nodded; I pulled my hand out of his.

“Three, two-.”

I started running, my flats pounding the sidewalk, my chest heaving. I could hear him close behind me. I saw the Sears getting closer and closer, until I finally touched down on the store front. I breathed heavily and through both hands in the air smiling victoriously at Patrick.

“You are a bloody cheater.”

I giggled and he pinned me against the wall playfully and kissed me. His lips soft now.

When he pulled away I felt myself smiling dumbly.

“You’re not like the other boys.”

“You’re not like the other girls.”

I smiled, taking his hand, although my heart beat loud in my chest. Not from my failed cardio, because I felt guilty. I felt guilty in my heart because I smiled. I smiled because Patrick made me smile. Patrick made me smile.

We ran through the store like a fun montage in a movie. Patrick bought me some jeans and an “I Love My Boyfriend” tank top. I tried to convince him not to get it, but it was a failed attempt.

I changed in the Sears bathroom, the roomy tank made me and Patrick a thing. I didn’t love Patrick. I didn’t understand the concept of love. But Patrick had convinced me by saying it’s just for fun. I’d never really had fun before; everything had always been so serious. Reading the shirt in the mirror, two faces came to mind. Mason’s strong masculine face, smiling at me. Then Patrick’s boyish face smiling as we ran under the clothing racks.

I swallowed. Mason overpowered Patrick in my mind until he was the only face there. I knew Patrick really like me, especially wearing this shirt. I didn’t feel right lying to him, he was a good boy. I’d have to tell him the truth. I’d have to face the consequences.

I walked out of the bathroom. Patrick smiled when he saw me. I walked up to him talking his hand as we walked out the store. The sun burned hot on my bare shoulders.

“Patrick, I need to tell you something.”

“I know baby, I need to tell you something too, come on, just a little bit further.” He dragged me past the Sears, my mind doing tricks.

I felt awful. I knew now that Mason was the one I wanted, it was simple. I never really liked Patrick, except maybe I like him a little better today. Soon he showed me where we had been going.

A grassy meadow overlooking Manhattan, a bench perched right on the edge. The sun dancing behind the distant cityscape.

“It’s beautiful!” I jumped running up to the edge.

“Not as beautiful as you.”

I felt ill.

“Sit with me my love.”

I nodded the old bench waving under our mutual weight.

“I need to say something Rayder, and I’m not sure how you’ll respond okay.”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

My mouth fell open.

“Do you mean like proper love?”

“Yeah, I know its fast Rayder, but god. You are so different from any other girls. I can’t even fathom that you came out of Grace.”

“I didn’t come out of Grace. Didn’t you know that?”

“What do you mean?”

“I was adopted, it was pretty big news.”

He looked at me awry.

“So what is your real last name?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know my real parents.”

“That’s awful. Maybe we should go home.” His eyes were wide, he looked genuinely terrified.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.” He didn’t grab my hand nor did he call me some common pet name. Something changed. I didn’t have any idea what. I pouted all the way back to my house, an awkward silence between Patrick and I.

When we pulled up to my house he opened the door up for me.

“Patrick, why have you been so quiet, is it because I’m adopted?”

“Kind of dear. I’m sorry. Don’t fear I’ll call you soon once I figure everything out.” He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. I walked to my door feeling two emotions. Sadness, that Patrick had changed such drastically from finding out I was orphaned. And fear, as always of going back inside.