Would You Bargain With Hell?

The musty air was accustomed as I opened my eyes, my arms easily tickled by the worn cotton of the blanket laid upon me. I yawned, the light in the room was dim, and I couldn’t pin point the source of what remnants there were. Nor could I pin-point Mason. He was not on the bed beside me. I stretched my arms behind my head and sat up, the springs creaking below me.

I heard a mumble from somewhere on the ground. I smiled. Mason rolled over and opened his hazy eyes.

“Good morning.” I greeted and he replied with a cheeky smile as he hesitated to wriggle out of his makeshift sleeping wrap.

“Why did you sleep on the floor?” I asked as he joined me on the bed, legs crossed. His knee barely touched mine.

“I wasn’t sure, what we are.” He spaced out his words considerably and made sure to look off into the distance.

“What do you mean, we aren’t together?” I squinted still trying to find what must be a very mangled lamp.

“I mean, I love you. And you have no idea how happy I was that you chose me. But Rayder, you loved him too.” His eyes met mine and I outlined the purple circles under his eyes.

“I know, I already said that. But I love you Mason, and I need you.” I felt this catch in my throat, remembering vividly the stark look on Patrick’s face. He had done no wrong. He deserved far better than I had ever given him.

“I know, and I will be here for you. But it’s kind of clear; you’ve always been sort of unstable. And I need to make sure you’re okay.” His voice was gentle, as if he was preparing for me to get defensive.

“Okay?” I hesitated.

“I think we should go together, to see Grace.” His words came soft and slow.

“No! Why would I do that? She’s already going to hate me for not being with Patrick, She’s going to kill me for being with you.” There was no point in that. I would return home, as normal, I would go about my life pretending to still be with Patrick until she found out otherwise. Then in a couple weeks, on my birthday, I would leave. I would take my inheritance –of which mine was slim- and I would leave.

Mason shook his head. “You’re afraid.”

“Yes, of course I’m afraid; this is the woman who broke my ribs. How on earth was this a good idea?”

“If you tell her, we won’t be sneaking around, we won’t have to hide, you can be happy finally without the little demon Grace on your shoulders.” He reached to put his arm around me.
I folded, my arms wrapped around my knees and my forehead resting on my forearms. I bit my lip hard.

“What’s wrong Rayder?”

“I just want one day.”

“One day of what?” His hand massaged gently at my neck.

“One day, with you, not worrying about Grace, or Patrick, or anyone but us. I want to go to the beach and get lost in the sea, I want to fall asleep in your arms, and I just want to be with you. You’re all I really need.”

“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” He replied, and I recognized something in his voice that made my heart skip a beat.

“Why not?” I only half wanted an answer.

He grimaced slightly, worry teased at the corners of his mouth. “You know, I’m going to do everything I can. But I don’t have much, Rayder.”

I smiled dumbly at him. “I don’t need much, Mason.”

He smiled back and shook his head pushing hair out of my face. “I mean, I don’t know if it will work.”

I drew back. “It, being us?”

“Yes, but not like that.” He reached his hand out to me but I stayed still. “I love you Rayder, since the first time I saw you. And I think about that sometimes. If you had come a minute later, I would be dead. And you might be dead too.” He paused. “But that’s not even the scary part, I’m not afraid that I might have died, I’m afraid I wouldn’t have lived at all. You’ve given me that, you’ve given me love. And that is all I can ask of you.”

“But honestly, Rayder, you know as well as I do, the future is grim.”

“In general,” I protested. “But not-“

“For us, too.”

And he stared at me. And I stared back, trying to decipher the code he’d spoken to me. What did he mean?

“Let’s just run away Mason.”

He chuckled and grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips. “I would love nothing more, Rayder, but you would regret that.”

And I looked down in defeat because I knew he was right. As much as I hated it at Grace’s, and how much I hated the abuse. If I left I would have nothing. There would be no Patrick around the corner, or Gentry the pot-bellied dog and there would be no father whose grave I could visit. I would only have Mason. And even though all the films say love is all you need, and as much as I just wanted to need Mason, I did need more than him. He’d been the one to show me that.
“Are you saying we can’t make this work?” I asked, folding my legs beneath me.

“Never!” He was outraged as he leaned closer to me. “I will defy the powers of the gods, Rayder, to keep you by my side –so long as that’s what you want as well-, I’m just saying don’t put all your faith in me.”

I nodded. “Don’t put yours in me then.” I smiled.

“I’d never be so naïve.” He joked.

“I’m still not telling Grace, Mason.” I frowned.

“Why?”

“It makes no sense! I’m eighteen in twelve days; I can leave, with enough money to get us our own apartment.”

He looked around. “Is the garage not nice enough?”

I smiled and punched him in the arm. “Mason, no.”

“All I’m saying Rayder, is it will help in the long run.”

“No it won’t. She’ll make my last week hell, she might as well just kill me, and I wouldn’t put murder past her.”

“I’ve already met her, she knows I know you. I don’t want you to regret not standing up to her.” He took my hand.

“On my birthday.”

His eyes lit up with a confusing joy. “Really?”

“Yes, so I can leave after. They’re insisting on throwing me a party, a small one at my house, dress nicely.”

He nodded. “So you are going home?”

“I have to.”

“Now?” He bit his lip and kissed me.

I groaned pulling away and drawing my hands through his ratty hair. “Yes.”

“I’ll walk you.” He stood.

“No. That’s just going to make it harder to get to the door.” I stood in front of him and wrapped my arms around his neck and laid my head along his chest. He rested his hands along my waist and we rocked slightly back and forth for a little while. Then I kissed his neck.

“I will call you, and I will find a way to come see you, but be there on my birthday around six, okay Mason?” He could hear the uncertainty in my voice.

He nodded. “And then it will all be over.”