Seize The Day.

Jenny just stood there in silence, not quite sure of what to say. How could she explain everything that she’d been feeling? He had only seen her when she was happy, except for the one time that they had gotten into a fight. She didn’t know what words to use to explain everything that had been going on in her head, and with Corey. She didn’t want to end up hurting him again. She still didn’t know what to say though. She couldn’t look at him; she was just too ashamed.
He gently grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the couch next to him. He lifted her chin with his hand, “Please Jenny, please tell me what’s going on.” Tears were starting to escape from his eyes. Jenny carefully wiped them away with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. She finally looked him in the eye, “I just couldn’t handle it.” He looked down at his hands and then back up to her, “Couldn’t handle what? Touring? The guys? Us? What?” She wiped the tears off her own cheeks, “I just feel so guilty all the time. I’m always worrying about my friends back home and wondering how they’re doing. And last night, when you guys went out to the bar I called Corey just to check in on him and see how he was doing and what was going on back home. And it started out okay. I talked to my friend Melody who was there and it was great. We’re like sisters. Then when I started talking to Corey again, he got really mad at me and said not to talk to him again.” She was wiping tears away even more, “But I can’t just forget the guy who’s been like a brother to me, you know? And it’s just that, he likes me as more than a friend so it’s affecting him even more and it’s just…” she stopped, she didn’t know how to explain it.
Arin wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into a hug, “Look, no one is worth hurting yourself over, okay? Especially not someone who’s trying to guilt you out of something that you love.” He kissed her on the top of her head. She turned to him, “You’re not mad?” Arin shrugged, “What good would that do you?” She looked down at her hands, “So you are…” He sighed, “I’m not mad, just upset. I mean, I told you that I’m here for you, Johnny and I both offered to stay with you. I just don’t understand…” She looked up at him, “I’m sorry. But please don’t tell Johnny? I wanna tell him myself.” He looked down at her and silently nodded.
He turned away but Jenny kept looking at him. “How’d I get so lucky?” she wondered, “How did I get lucky enough to find this kid? I don’t deserve him. I should just-” but her thoughts were cut short as Arin leaned down and kissed her. He gently wrapped his arms around her waist as he pulled her closer. She put her arms around his neck and couldn’t help but to smile. She pulled back and drew him into a hug. She buried her head in his shoulder and neck as he wrapped his arms tighter around her. “It’ll be okay,” he whispered to her, “I promise.”
All the while, the guys were at the restaurant getting breakfast. Zacky finally asked the question that was one everyone’s mind, “Where are they?” Brian shrugged, “I’m assuming back on the bus. Probably talking or something like that. I mean she seemed kinda off this morning didn’t she?” The guys nodded in agreement. Matt picked up where Syn had left off, “And I’m guessing that Arin noticed and they’re probably talking about it.” Syn pointed over and nodded to Matt in agreement as he took a sip of his coffee, “He’s got the right idea.” Johnny looked up from his plate, “You think she’s okay?” Zacky replied, “I’m sure she’ll be fine man, don’t worry.” It was a pretty quiet breakfast. Everyone was wondering what was going on with those two. They could only pretend everything was normal for so long. Zacky finally looked up, “Alright, well, I’m done. I’m heading back to the bus.”
When he opened the door, he called out, “Alright, I’m coming in. Please for the love of God be fully clothed.” Jenny laughed, “Get your ass in here Baker.” Zacky walked in and saw her lying against Arin holding her hand as his arm was wrapped around her shoulder. He sat down across from them in his chair, “Okay, are you two like…?” Jenny shrugged and turned to Arin, “I don’t know. Are we?” Arin smiled as he kissed the top of her head. He turned back to Zacky and nodded, “Yea, we are I guess.” Jenny’s face lit up and she squeezed his hand lightly. Zacky leaned back and smiled, “I knew it. You gonna tell the guys?” This time Arin turned to Jenny and waited for her to answer. She thought about it for a minute, “No. I like things the way they are. I mean, yea, eventually we’ll tell them. But for now, can it just be between us?” Zacky nodded, “Sure thing. But, I wouldn’t suggest doing couple stuff like this when they’re around alright? If you want to hide it, you have to act like you want to haha.” Arin laughed, “Yea, makes sense I guess. Speaking of which, when are the guys coming back?” Zacky shrugged, “I don’t know. They were finishing up when I left. They’re all worried about you though Jenn.” She looked up from toying with Arin’s hand, “Why?” He looked at her, “You’ve been acting really off lately. And well, we’re all worried. That’s part of the reason I left early. I wanted to talk to you. But, as far as I can see, if things were bad, they’re better now?” Jenny smiled and nodded. He nodded, “Fair enough.”
They heard the guys walking around the side of the bus and Zacky looked over to Jenny and Arin. Jenny sighed and reluctantly sat up and let go of Arin’s hand and Arin moved his arm from around her shoulder. The guys walked onto the bus and looked over at them, “Everything alright?” Zacky nodded as he stood up and went over to the fridge, “Yea, everything’s fine.” He grabbed a can of soda and headed to the front of the bus to drive. Syn went to the back of the bus and Matt went up front with Zacky. Johnny sat down on the other side of Jenny. She looked over at Arin. She whispered, “I wanna talk to him alone for a sec.” Arin nodded, “Oh, okay.” He got up and went to the back of the bus to talk to Brian about what they were performing at the show that night.
She turned to Johnny, “Can I talk to you for a sec?” He nodded, “Yea, what’s up? You okay?” She shrugged, “I need to tell you something. You’re gonna be really mad, but please just hear me out okay?” Johnny nodded but he was getting scared now. “I,” she stammered as tears grew in her eyes, “I did something really stupid last night while you guys were out…” Johnny looked at her concernedly, “Jenn? What happened?” Tears were running down her cheeks and she couldn’t bring herself to say what she’d done. She lifted her shirt up just enough for him to see the slash marks. He fell back on the couch silently. Jenny finally caught her breath and spoke up, “I’m so sorry. I know I promised I wouldn’t but last night everything just collapsed in and I did it. I wasn’t planning on it but then it just happened. I’m so sorry.” Johnny finally looked up at her, “How could you just…I mean, after everything I’ve done…” Jenny couldn’t help it; she completely broke down, “I know, I’m a horrible person. I shouldn’t have done it, especially after promising you and after everything you’ve done to keep me here. I know. I’m so sorry.” Johnny looked down at the ground for a minute and finally back up to her. There were tears in his eyes and on his cheeks, “I thought that your promise actually meant something. I thought that it meant that you would talk to me if something went wrong. Or that you’d talk to someone. Or that you’d do anything besides that.” Jenny couldn’t look him in the eye. “I’m sorry…” Johnny just shook his head and walked away without another word.
Arin walked out a few minutes later and saw Jenny face down on the couch. He sat down next to her and gently put his hand on her shoulder, “Hey, what happened?” She looked up at him, “What the fuck do you think happened?” She didn’t mean to be so harsh towards him, but she was just so angry with herself and Johnny. Arin looked down at her, “Sorry, stupid question. But Johnny came back there and he was in tears. I was just wondering if you two were gonna be okay?” She sat up and looked at him. He wiped the tears off her face with his hand. She took a deep breath and looked at him, “I don’t know if we’re gonna be okay to be perfectly honest. He barely said anything to me. And then he just walked away. I just, I don’t know anymore.” Arin pulled her into a hug and kissed her, “It’s gonna be okay. He’ll come back around. I promise. He loves you; you’re like a little sister to him. It might take a little while, but he’ll come back around.” She hugged him again, “I don’t know…”
Arin just sat there holding her. He wasn’t sure of what to do or say, but it seemed like saying nothing was the right way to go. Jenny was finally able to stop herself from crying and she wiped a last few tears off her face. She looked up at Arin, “I’m sorry you have to see me like this.” He kissed her on the cheek, “I just want to see you happy again. But please believe me when I tell you this okay? Johnny will come back. He has to get over this just like you do.” She rested her head on his shoulder and stared up at the ceiling, “I guess you’re right.”
The rest of the bus ride was spent much like that, Zacky and Matt up front, Johnny and Brian in the back, and Arin and Jenny in the middle. The only time things changed is when someone came to grab something out of the fridge or one of them walked up front to check and see where they were. You could feel the stress and tension in the air. Jenny had finally calmed down and was half-asleep on Arin’s arm as she listened to music on her iPod.
Johnny walked in and wouldn’t look at either of them. He went over to the fridge and pulled out a beer and started walking back to the end of the bus. Arin reached out and grabbed his sleeve. Johnny looked at him, “What?” Arin nodded to Zacky’s chair, “Sit.” Johnny sat down and looked at Arin and Jenny. Arin saw him and shook his head, “Don’t worry, she’s asleep. But I just, I wanna know if you two are gonna be okay.” Johnny looked down at the ground and shrugged, “I don’t know man.” Arin sighed, “Well, please figure it out man. It’s tearing her apart.” Johnny looked up at him, “You think this is easy for me? She’s like my little sister man. I don’t wanna see her like this, and I don’t wanna hurt her either but I can’t just act like what she did doesn’t affect me.” Arin looked at him; he could see the tears growing in Johnny’s eyes, “Look, I’m not asking you to just forget about everything that happened okay? That’d be like, impossible to do I know. But can you just, try to talk to her about it?” Johnny looked back down at the ground as he tried to fight back his tears, “I don’t know man. I can’t talk to her right now. Maybe eventually, but not right now.” He got up and walked to the back of the bus. Arin rested his head on the back of the couch and sighed. He lightly pushed the hair out of Jenny’s face and went back to staring at the ceiling.
Zacky was up front talking to Matt about everything that was going on. Or rather, he was talking to Matt and trying to figure out everything that was going on. Matt shrugged, “I don’t know man. I mean, Johnny’s been freakin’ out about her. He’s pretty good at hiding it, I’ll give him that. But you can tell he’s worried about her.” Zacky shrugged, “Well, she said that she was fine. But I mean, I heard them yelling when we first started driving. And well, it’s been silent ever since. And it’s scaring me a little bit. I mean, the bus is usually only ever this quiet at night. I don’t like it.” Matt looked over at him, he could see concern written all over Zacky’s face, “You want me to ask her when we get there man?” Zacky nodded, “Could you? It’d make me feel a lot better to know what’s going on.” Matt nodded, “Sure thing. We’re gonna be there in like, twenty minutes anyway.” Zacky sighed, “Yea, but after how many hours of silence? These next twenty minutes are gonna take forever.”
When they finally pulled into the parking lot, Matt called everyone into the center of the bus, “Alright, everyone start bringing their shit in,” he paused as they all started heading to the back of the bus, “’Cept for you Jenn. I gotta talk to you about something real quick.” She looked at him confusedly as she followed him to the front of the bus. He sat down in the driver’s seat and nodded to the passenger seat and told her to sit. She looked at him, “What’s up man?” He looked at her, “Are you okay?” She smiled at him, “Yea, I’m fine.” He looked at her skeptically, “Tell me the truth please?” Her smile instantly faded away and she stared down at the ground, “It’s me and Johnny…” Matt looked at her expectantly, “And…?” She sighed, “Well, I did something really stupid and he’s mad at me and he’s not talking to me about it. And it’s just scaring me I guess. I mean, I don’t wanna lose him, you know? He’s probably the guy I’m the closest with around here. I mean, I love all you guys and I know you guys think that Arin and me have something, but with Johnny it’s something else entirely. And I don’t wanna lose that.” Matt looked at her and couldn’t help but to give her a small smile, “Look, Johnny may be mad right now, but it won’t last for long okay? I can promise you that. He’ll come back around soon.” Jenny gave a sarcastic laugh, “Yea, that seems to be the general consensus around here.” Matt gave her a skeptical look, “You don’t believe us?” She shrugged, “I don’t know to be honest. I mean, he was crying and everything. I just, I don’t know if we’re gonna be okay.” He stood up and gave her a hug, “It’ll be fine.” He walked off the bus and she went to the back and changed so the guys wouldn’t see her stomach and then she walked off the bus as well with her microphone.
They were all waiting in the dressing room when Brian turned to Jenny, “You performing that Sanctus Real song tonight?” Jenny looked up at him, he had snapped her out of her daze, “Huh?” He looked at her concernedly, “The Sanctus song, you doing that tonight?” She shrugged and turned to Matt, “Am I?” Matt nodded, “Yea, I figured you could do that and Victim. You good with that?” She nodded as she gave a sideways glance at Johnny, “Yea…that’s fine…”
They all went out on stage and the concert began. Jenny could barely remember her parts. She was so distracted by everything going on with her and Johnny, and her and Arin. She hadn’t expected Arin to say that they were a real thing. That was half the reason she had left it up to him. But the fight with Johnny was tearing her apart. She’d taken off her necklace and was about to give it back to him, but they had to go out on stage before she could do it. It was almost her part and she wasn’t even paying attention so Zacky came over and snapped her out of her daze. She joined in with him and Matt on the wedding vocals for A Little Piece of Heaven.
Once that was over, Matt called Jenny over to introduce the song by Sanctus Real. She smiled at the crowd, “Hey everybody! All right, so, the guys were being awesome enough to let me do a cover song from another band. This one’s called I’m Not Alright by Sanctus Real. You guys down?” She heard the crowd cheer but she shook her head, “Sorry, what was that? I can’t hear you!” The crowd cheered at least twice as loud and she smiled, “Alright, I guess I’ll do it. Just for you guys,” she said as she pointed down to the guys in the pit. She nodded over to Syn and Zacky and they started the guitar intro. She got through the whole song and when she sang her last few lines, she walked over to where Johnny was standing. She looked at him as she finished the song, “I’m not alright, I’m not alright, I’m not alright, and that’s why I need you…” She finished and gave him one last glance before walking to the front of the stage to take a bow.
They did a few more songs and then their tribute to Jimmy and then they ended the concert by performing both parts of I Won’t See You Tonight. They all threw their things off stage and walked back into the dressing room. They all flopped down on the couches and chairs that were there. Matt looked at all of them, “Well, I’d consider this a huge fucking success!” Jenny gave him a small smile and he patted her on the back, “They loved your cover by the way. And I did too. It sounded pretty amazing.” She smiled, “Thanks. I try haha.”
They all sat around and talked about the show. Jenny looked at all of them, Brain and Arin sitting next to each other, Johnny standing behind them leaning on Brian’s chair, and Matt on the couch with her and Zacky. Zacky had his arm around her shoulders and she couldn’t help but to smile a little bit. Even with as upset as she was, Zacky always had a comforting sort of vibe around him. She leaned back against his shoulder and he looked down at her, his gorgeous green eyes so full of concern. She gave him a weak smile and he pulled her closer and hugged her.
Brian looked around at all of them, “So, anyone up for a couple drinks at the local bar or something?” They all nodded except for Johnny. He looked down at Brian, “Nah man, not me tonight. I’m just gonna go back to the bus. I’ve got a killer headache and something tells me booze ain’t gonna help haha.” Brian laughed, “Alright man. But, you know where we’ll be if you change your mind.” Johnny nodded and then headed back to the bus. Zacky looked down at Jenny who was now sprawled across him, “What about you there Sunshine? You up for it tonight?” Jenny smiled, “Yea, I think so.” Brian smiled, “Atta girl.” They all got up and Arin helped Zacky get Jenny off the couch.
Matt, Arin, and Brian all walked out together and Zacky tagged along in the back with Jenny. They were about a block or two away from the bus when she turned to Zacky, “You know what? I’m gonna go back to the bus with Johnny. I’m just gonna make sure he’s okay…” Zacky looked at her concernedly and grabbed her arm gently before she took off, “Hey, you alright?” She slowly shook her head, “I just, I gotta talk to Johnny.” Zacky nodded and pulled her close and gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead, “Alright. Be careful okay?” She nodded as she took off towards the bus.
Zacky caught up to the guys. They all asked him where Jenny ran off to. “Oh,” he said slowly, “she’s gonna chill with Seward. She just wants to make sure he’s okay and everything.” Brian laughed, “I swear, if those two were closer in age they’d be dating or something.” They all laughed as they headed off to the bar.