Perfect

Everyone has a question they want answered. Some people go their entire lives with questions that they may never find the answers to. Some are lucky though and find the answers almost instantly. For others, it may take awhile.

I’ve never told anyone my question. I feel like they’ll just laugh at me when I do. So I’ve just gone all this time not letting those words slip out of my mouth. But I want the answer, god I want it so bad. Why is there no answer? It’s such a simple question.

Why wasn’t I perfect?

In our society, perfection is everything, especially for the females. You need the perfect body, the perfect face, the perfect hair, the perfect everything. They tell us that it doesn’t matter, that all you need is a good personality. That’s a lie. Personality means nothing in this superficial world. Unless you’re absolutely perfect, no one cares.

I’m seventeen and I’m just a “plain Jane”. I haven’t got the looks I haven’t got the popularity, the clothes, the body, the beauty. I follow the rules. I do what I’m told. I’ve never been kissed and I’ve never had a boyfriend.

Boys don’t look at me. I’m just the quiet girl sitting in the corner with her head in a book. While everyone else is being cute with their other half, I’m sitting there watching, wallowing in self-pity.

What on earth is wrong with me?

“Rosie!”

I snapped out of my thoughts upon hearing a familiar voice calling me. I looked up to see my best friend, Stacy Gillan, looking at me with raised eyebrows.

“What’s up?”

“Are you okay?” she asks, sounding slightly concerned.

“I’m fine,” I reassured her, plastering a fake smile on my face. She could tell it wasn’t genuine though, she always saw through my lies. She thought that I lived a perfect life, surrounded by rainbows and fairies. She just stared at me some more, smiling her perfect smile. It didn’t make me feel any better about myself. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just keep disappearing off into your own world. You sure you’re fine?”

I nodded my head, trying to make my smile seem authentic to some extent. “Let’s just go find Tony and Tania.”

“Alrighty!” Stacy said overly enthusiastically, skipping over towards the park. I dawdled behind her, not really caring about finding the other two. I knew she didn’t actually care about how I felt, she only wanted to go find Tony.

Tony and Tania Walls were siblings. Tania was one of our friends, Tony her brother. Tony was head over heels for Stacy, who wouldn’t be though. He was one of the most popular guys at school, and definitely one of the most good looking. He also had the personality to match. Of course he’d be interested in Stacy. And the feelings were definitely mutual. She’s equally as attractive and popular. Stacy is the definition of perfect.

Why couldn’t I be her?

I’ve noticed there was always that one girl in a circle of friends. The perfect one. The one with the looks, the body and the boys that wanted her. Stacy could get absolutely any guy that she wanted. And then there was me. The outcast, the one nobody wanted, the reject.

I stood awkwardly behind Stacy as she talked to Tony. I wasn’t too sure where Tania was. He didn’t even realise that I was standing right there. The pair began walking off, leaving me behind, not seeming to even care.

I looked around the park and saw a bench, letting out a sigh as I went to sit down. Letting out another sigh, I glanced around the park, looking for Stacy. It had happened again. It always did, I wasn’t surprised. Stacy would get the guy and I was left behind. Invisible, like the breeze whistling softly through my hair.

“Rosie?” I looked up to see James Garrett staring down at me with his gentle hazel eyes, a smile on his flawless face. Despite my horrible mood I smiled back. “Hi.”

“Hey,” I whispered shyly, biting my bottom lip.

James is the most popular guy at our school, as cliché as it is. He was even more popular than Tony. All the guys wanted to be him and all the girls wanted to date him. I’m not going to lie, I’ve had a crush on him for the past two years. The only communication we’ve ever had is a smile in between classes.

All the girls took the direct approach and tried to ask him out and flirted with him. I was different, I sat back and observed. It isn’t meant to be as creepy as it sounds. There was no point in trying, I wasn’t perfect like all the other girls that did approach him. I’d only have my heart broken. It didn’t matter if he said no in the sweetest way possible or just laughed in my face. Either way, it’d still hurt. I’d be an idiot to even try. He was popular, gorgeous and loved. I was a reject, ugly and invisible.

“Is this seat taken?” he asked gently. I shook my head no and shuffled over so he’d have more room to sit down. As soon as he touched the bench, my heart started to race and my stomach was filled with pterodactyls. Not butterflies, pterodactyls. “So what are you doing here on your own?”

I let out a sigh. “I was here with Stacy. She disappeared off to somewhere with Tony.” At this James scrunch up his face, making me giggle softly. “Why the face? It’s nothing.”

“Nothing? They left you here by yourself. Why would anyone do that? It’s horrible.”

“They just wanted to hang out, the two of them, and be all perfect. Without me and my ugly self interfering with them.”

“You think you’re... ugly?” James asked, visibly confused and shocked. Of course he would be, the girls that surrounded him all had extremely high self-esteem. It must’ve surprised him that girls weren’t all like that. I nodded my head. “What if I said you aren’t ugly? What if I said that you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen?”

I stared at him, eyes wide. “I’d say that you must be mental. You’d only say that to make me feel better about the way I look. You of all people wouldn’t think I’m beautiful. “

James looked at me, confused. “Me of all people?” He sounded hurt and offended.

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I just meant... well, girls throw themselves all over you and can’t seem to stop talking about you. You can get any girl you want. You’re perfect. You’re the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen. I get teased for being ugly on a daily basis. I doubt you’d think I’m ‘beautiful’. That’s just stupid.”

“Well that makes me the most stupid person on Earth then.” I raise an eyebrow at this. “You’re beautiful Rosie, in a natural way. You don’t cake your face with tonnes of makeup and you’re an amazing person. You don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t. You’re you, and I love that.”

He was looking straight into my eyes, so I quickly glance away, feeling a blush colouring my cheeks. “You’re only saying that so I’ll feel better.” I let my long hair cover my face, shielding me from James.

“I wouldn’t waste my time saying it if I didn’t mean it.” James gently grabbed my chin, making me look at him. He pushed my hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. “Other than my mum, I’ve never told anyone that they’re beautiful.” By now James had a smirk on his face, stroking my cheek with his thumb. “Rosie Holt, you are beautiful. Inside and out.”

As he continued to gaze into my eyes, an even bigger blush formed on my cheeks. The silence between us was comforting, allowing everything to sink in. I don’t think I’d ever truly grasp that James Garrett called me beautiful.

James titled his head and slowly leaned in. Suddenly I forgot how to breathe. Was I about to have my first kiss? With James Garrett of all people?

Before I could scream with joy, my lips were captured by his. Both his hands were cupping my cheeks. I had no hesitation in kissing him back. This kiss was so much better than how I had dreamed my first kiss to be. I linked my arms behind his neck, pulling him closer as our lips moved in sync, acting as one, like they were made for each other. I could feel him smiling into the kiss.

I could see the fireworks, feel my heart fluttering about in my chest. Now I knew what they were talking about in all those romance novels. It was like heaven. I didn’t want it to end. I was kissing someone who I thought was perfect.

All too soon, James began to pull away, resting his forehead on mine. “You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that. Rosie Holt, you are perfect.”