Without You

Without You

My name is Gerard Way and I am in love with my best friend.
You might be thinking what's wrong with it.
In my opinion there is nothing wrong but other people find it sinful cause my best friend is actually a guy.
He is the only one that makes me happy but that's not enough anymore.
My life sucks.
It always has but the last year has been the worst of my life.
From having a bunch of people who love me and care for me around me I now have no one.
I had a loving mother and the best brother anyone could ask for.
I had a boyfriend that loved me and a great best friend who always helped me and supported me.
But now I only have Frankie left.
I remember that dreadful day like it was yesterday.
The day actually started off pretty well.
I woke up in the morning next to my boyfriend.
I loved being in his arms where I actually felt safe.
When I woke up I looked down at him only to notice that he was staring at me.
“What are you staring at?”i asked with a giggle.
Luke just smiled at me and brushed my cheek with his hand pushing some locks of hair behind my ear.
The feeling of his touch making me shiver.
“I love you Gee.”he told me and I couldn't help but smile a big smile at him.
“I love you too Luke.”i said and leaned in and placed my lips with his.
We kissed for a while nothing dirty.
Just an innocent kiss until Mikey, my brother burst into the room without knocking.
“Eww,eww”he screamed and covered his eyes.
I turned to look at him and groaned while Luke was laughing his ass off besides me.
“Oh come on Mikey!”i whined.
“What is it Mikes?”asked Luke and Mikey took his hands away from his face when he was sure that it was safe to do so.
“I just wanted to tell you that Frankie is here and mom wants you to hurry up so we can leave on time.”he said and left the room as soon as he was done speaking.
“God he hates me.”Luke said but I shook my head.
“He doesn't hate you! He just isn't used to me being in love with you yet.”i protested.
“I guess.”was all he said before he got up to get ready.
When we were both ready we got upstairs and into the kitchen where my mom, Mikey and Frankie were waiting for us.
“Morning mom, Frankie.”i said and gave mom a quick kiss and Frankie a bare hug.
We ate breakfast all together, talking and laughing.
It was like any other weekend that we spent.
After we were done with breakfast we all got out of the house and into my mom's car.
She was going to drive us to the mall and hang out with us.
Now you would ask me who hangs out with his mom,his brother, his boyfriend and his best friend. Well the answer would be me!
My mom was always cool with me liking guys and so was Frankie and Mikey even though Mikey was not used to it yet.
We all had a great time at the mall.
Me and the guys spent hours trying to find the perfect gift for my mom whose birthday was coming up.
On our way back it was when everything in my life changed.
My mom was driving the car and Mikey was on the passenger seat.
Frankie, Luke and me were sitting in the back with Luke in the middle.
Everything was going fine until a truck appeared in frond of us causing mom to steer the car and brutally crush into another.
My vision became black and I barely remember this.
When I woke up I saw that Luke was not sitting besides me anymore and that his body had flown from the seat to the frond of the car.
His head was out of the frond with glass cutting his beautiful face and turning everything around him into a pool of blood.
I gasped and turned to see mom and Mikey who were also covered in blood.
My stomach felt sick and that's when it hit me.
They were dead!
They were fucking DEAD!!!
I turned to face Frankie praying to God that he was alive.
A sigh of relief came out of my lips when I saw him moving not far way from me.
“Gee.”he mumbled.
“They're dead.”i whispered.
Frankie was as shocked as me to move but we had to get out and call for help.
“My leg.”he said.
“What is it?”i asked worryingly.
“I-I can't move it.”he said and started to panic.
I quickly got out of the car and helped him out too.
I called 911 and help came quickly but it was too late.
Mom, Mikey and Luke were all dead.
The shock and the pain that I felt did not appear immediately.
I helped Frankie the only one who survived along with me.
He had broken his leg in various places and was really in deep pain.
Everything from after the ambulance came is such a blur.
I don't remember much from it.
Only that now I was left alone without anyone.
My mom and Mikey were all the family I had left and now I didn't even have them.
I also didn't have Luke anymore.
The though of not seeing them again made me nauseous.
Months passed after that and everyday I got worse and worse.
I was now living with Frank and his mom as I didn't have any family left.
His leg was okay and he was doing his best to help me.
I have to admit that when he was around me I felt like there was hope for me.
Like I could still be on this planet.
But there were moments when I was alone and reality kicked in.
I was all alone.
I did not deserve to be one of those who survived.
I should have died back there too.
Days became weeks and I was getting worse by the minuet.
I started self-harming and having suicidal thoughts.
Frankie would do everything in his power to cheer me up but he always failed.
“Come on Gee you have to get out of the house for once. You have been in there for months.”Frankie said as he sat down besides me on my bed.
He placed his hand on my knee and I turned my head to look at him.
Guilt and blame must have been written all over my face causing him to frown.
“Hey. Please get rid of the guilt inside you. It was not your fault what happened to them.”Frankie said in his kind, supporting voice.
The truth was that I had gone past the guilt of that. I was not feeling guilty because of what had happened. I was guilty because I started falling in love with someone I shouldn't.
Not only because he was the last person I had left but because I couldn't do this to Luke.
Even though he was dead I felt like I was somehow cheating on him when I was developing feelings for someone else.
Of course no one knew about that and no one will ever know.
If Frankie ever found out my feelings for him, he would leave me, he would feel sick and disgusted towards me and he would leave me all alone.
Although I would never admit my feelings for him I had to let him know that if it wasn't for him I would be long gone too.
“Ow Frankie.”i said and started crying in frond of him.
What a loser!
“Come on Gee,please don't cry.”he said and hugged me tightly. So tight that I could breath with difficulty.
But instead of feeling uncomfortable I actually felt safe and like I could stay in his arms forever.
“Frankie I don't know what I would do without you.”i cried and he rubbed my back gently causing me goosebumps.
“Hey,hey don't say that. You are strong Gerard. The strongest man I have ever seen. Your mom, Mikey and...Luke would have been so proud of you if they saw how strong you were and managed to graduate from school after everything that happened. But the fact that you have now closed yourself in here since graduation is not only hurting you but also me and them. They wouldn't want you to suffer from what happened to them a while ago. I am sure that they would want you to continue your life and make the best of it.”he crying along with me.
His words were strong but I didn't know if I was strong enough to do what he was telling me.
“I miss them Frankie. I want my mom. I want my brother and my boyfriend!”i said while sobbing hard.
“I know Gee, trust me I know. But you have to be strong and I will always, always be there for you. You are my best friend Gee, you mean the world to me.”he said.
I was shocked by his words and overtaken by them.
I pulled away from the hug and leaned in.
Our faces were inches apart and I our lips were about to touch.
I was going to kiss him.
Frankie seemed shocked by my actions but closed his eyes leaning in.
I suddenly pulled away.
“Oh God what am I doing.”i said and run out of the room tears streaming down my eyes.
I run as fast as my legs could take me.
Frankie was behind me screaming my name asking me to stop.
I didn't listened to him.
I run and run.
For the first time after the accident I got into a car.
I was afraid but I had to do this.
I got into my car which was parked in frond of Frankie's house but I never used it for obvious reasons.
I started the car and left.
What had I done.
I almost ruined my friendship and I almost cheated on Luke.
How did I do this?
What kind of a monster am I?
I drove fast.
I couldn't face Frankie again after what I had almost done.
I was going to find Luke and beg for forgiveness.
That way I could be with mom and Mikey if I actually deserved to go to heaven after being such a bastard for betraying both my boyfriend and my best friend.
When I finally arrived to my destination I got out of the car and started walking towards the bridge.
Nothing and no one could stop me here.
No one actually came here anymore so I could do this easily without anyone stepping my way.
Everything was going as planned.
I was standing there at the edge of the bridge about to jump.
Images of Luke, Mikey and mom passed before my eyes.
I was going to be with them at last.
Then Frankie came right before my eyes.
His beautiful eyes which captivated me every time.
The smile that could made my day and his beautiful voice as he sang to me every night
after the accident in order to make the terrors go away.
The way he hugged me,the way his skin felt on mine causing butterflies in my stomach and electricity run down my spine.
His kind and sympathetic words to me.
The moment we had before.
The feeling of us about to kiss.
Everything involving Frankie and the way he made me feel.
I was in love with him.
But every one I loved kept on being hurt.
First my dad died from drinking too much when he found out I liked guys.
Then mom, Mikey and Luke died cause I wanted to go to the mall.
I couldn't do this to Frankie too.
I loved him too much to hurt him.
He was my life,he always was.
Even when I was with Luke I had feelings for him.
Feelings I didn't want to admit cause I loved Luke too but not as much as I did Frankie.
I was going to miss him but he was going to be better off without me.
I was about to jump when a familiar voice started singing from behind me.
Shock overtook me as I turned to face Frankie who was now singing to me like he had countless of time before.
But this time it was different.
His voice was filled with pain and tears were leaving his eyes.

“My heart breaks with every beat,
I can't explain what you do to me
So just say you'll promise me,
Please, take me if you ever leave
But the thought of you gone
Makes everything wrong in my life
So stay right here, right now

'Cause without you I'm a disaster
And you're my ever after
'Cause I need to know your answer
I want you to say you're gonna stay with me
I die every day that you're away from me

So just say you'll promise me,
Please, take me if you ever leave
My heart breaks with every beat,
I die everyday that you're away from me” he sang.

We were both crying husterically.
“I love you Gee. Please don't leave me.”he pleaded,his voice breaking.
I couldn't do this to him.
I have never seen his so hurt before and he loved me?
I run up to his and hugged his tightly.
Both of us sobbing hard.
“I love you Gee. Promise me you will never leave me.”he said and looked me in the eyes causing my knees to go weak.
“I promise Frankie. I love you too.”i said.
“Without you I'm a disaster too Frankie.”i said and finally our lips touched.
The feeling of me kissing Frankie made me believe that everything was going to be okay from now on.
I was now complete holding the love of my life in my hands.
Nothing could take him away from me.
I wouldn't let anything or anyone to hurt him.
I wouldn't lose him too.
We will always be together,forever cause
Without him I'm a disaster and he's my ever after.