Infinite

Watching Jett Masterson walk into the bar and see Ronnie watching his uncle play was a humbling thing. I felt like I did all summer long when girls and boys would fawn all over the guys. Each time they played a show, I was reminded that even though I was comfortable living a life in the spotlight, it wasn't a normal thing for most people and Ronnie wasn't a normal guy.

Jett Masterson was the epitome of the type of kids who spent their time at FIR's shows. He and his band walked into the bar and immediately lost their cool upon seeing Ronnie and Arch in the back. Ronnie didn't notice the teenage boys started slowly making their way over to him, but I watched them pick on each other as each one was too nervous to make the first move.

I nudged Ronnie's side, causing him and Chance to both look at me. I nodded towards the young band who were a step higher, near the bar. "That's Evan's nephew and his band," I said to my fiance, "They're the ones who were watching the Escalade last time I was here."

Ronnie grinned at the story I'd told him and put his most charming smile on his face. "Arch, stick with Att for a minute," he said before handing the five year old down to me, "I'm going to go introduce myself."

"Introductions aren't necessary," Chance replied, turning to Ronnie, "They know everything about you."

Ronnie chuckled, having heard that from quite a number of people during tour. "Then I'll just go say hello," he rephrased, grinning as he watched the boys' expressions change when they realized he was coming over to them.

Arch watched with curious eyes. He'd learned right away that Ronnie was in a popular band, but we'd never explained to him what it meant. His blue eyes watched Ronnie walk over to the nervous boys and he frowned as their excitement became evident. "What's Ronnie doing to those boys?" he asked, craning his neck to get a better view.

I peered over to them. "Looks like he's signing some of their things," I replied, stepping forward once so the two of us could see around the pole.

Arch frowned deeper and looked to me. "How come?" he questioned, not understanding.

"Those boys like Ronnie's music," I explained simply, "So they want him to sign things so they have something to remember meeting him with."

"I like Ronnie's music," Arch repeated, "Should I get something signed?" He looked at me with wide blue eyes, causing me to laugh and shake my head.

"Babe, Ronnie is always going to be in your life, you don't need anything to remember him by," I replied, chuckling at the little boy's question. Chance stepped forward so that we all were facing Ronnie and the boys and we watched as Ronnie signed a few of their things and then launched an easy conversation. Well, it easy for him. They teenagers seemed to be picking their words carefully, almost as if they were trying to impress him.

"Is it always like this?" Chance asked at my side. Lilly was still in his arms and Arch was in mine.

"No, not all the time," I replied, "Ronnie just likes to please his fans. He'd do anything for them."

"It seems like it'd be a lot to handle. Dating someone who's always in the spotlight, I mean," he said, speaking about our relationship even though two little kids were within hearing range.

"I love him," I said honestly, "and I love seeing him like this. He loves being with his fans and they make his life even better. I don't know if he'd be completely fulfilled without them."

"Still," Chance replied, "It must be hard to get put on the back burner."

"I don't," I stated, trying to end the conversation then and there, "It's not like that."

Chance didn't apologize for mentioning something so personal. He just nodded and excused himself before taking Lilly over to the steps on the side of the stage. He put her on her feet and motioned for her to go to where her father was coming off of the stage. The fans in the crowd were cheering as the men ended their first set. I set Arch down since there wasn't anything else to see and took his hand instead, deciding to go over to Ronnie and the young band mates.

The black haired teenager grinned at me as I walked up, obviously pleased that I'd kept my promise to bring Ronnie along this time. His infectious grin widened when Ronnie spoke, directing his words at me.

"Att, do you want to stick around and see their band play?" he asked, referring to the teenage boys who were gathered around us. "Who knows, maybe when they turn eighteen I'll invite them out to play one of our shows or something."

The band's eyes widened and they excitedly pushed each other before regaining their composure and putting cool smiles back on their faces. I nodded as Arch rested his head against my shoulder, and then frowned. "Arch, would you be up to staying longer?" I questioned, rubbing the little boy's back.

Ronnie stepped right up to us, side by side with Arch and repeated the question. "Come on, man," Ronnie said softly, grinning, "Your first time in a bar is a story to tell all the ladies."

Arch giggled and nodded, more to impress Ronnie than for the idea of 'ladies'. "Okay," he replied, wrapping his arms around Ronnie's neck and sliding out of my grasp.

Since we were standing close to the step that would take us down to the stage, I lightly grabbed the sleeve of Ronnie's short-sleeved button up and stepped down the stair. Ronnie looked back as he stepped down sideways, careful not to fall with Arch in his arms. He invited the teenagers to hang out with us and watch the next band play, so we all sat around two tables, Arch in Ronnie's lap with his arms folded on the table and his head on them.

"Do you think they invited other bands out to play since they knew you'd be here?" Ronnie questioned over the table, grinning as a couple of the boys smiled guiltily.

I forced the smile off my lips and looked away from the grinning teenagers. I shrugged. "I wonder," I said softly, licking over my lips, "At least there's good entertainment while we wait for Sumarow to play."

Ronnie nodded and turned his attention back to the stage. It was places just like this where an early version of Escape the Fate had made their start. I'd seen pictures of a younger, scrawnier, softer Ronnie standing on the stage with short hair and tight blue jeans as he sang his heart out and struggled to make a living from his music.

For Ronnie, being in such a place again had to bring up memories. In that moment, as he stared out with unfocused eyes, I wished I could've tapped into his brain and watched the memories like a picture slideshow in own my head. While Ronnie and I talked about a lot, the early days were somewhat of a mystery to me. When we met, there was no way Ronnie would mention Escape the Fate, except to lyrically bash them in his songs, so I hardly asked about the good days, because all he could remember were the bad ones.

"Do you miss it?" I asked, soft enough that I didn't catch the attention of the young band or Arch, who was beginning to lull in the lack of sound created by a lack of band on stage.

Ronnie, however, looked up and met my gaze, his eyes focusing and his pupils becoming wider as they readjusted to the dark setting. He heard what I said and he nodded. "Yeah," he mumbled, looking back to the small stage as he let himself remember the best times of his young life.

"It was easier?" I asked, wondering if the corporate side of music diluted it, changed it. Having an audience meant hearing everything they thought about your music, but being young and beginning meant only listening to yourself and hoping that someone would see the passion in you and sign you, bringing you into that longed-for corporate music world.

Surprisingly, Ronnie shook his head in reply to my question. "It fucking sucked," he said, baffling me again. He met my eyes and added, "The shitty money, playing even though no one is really listening, sleeping in the van because gas is cheaper than rent and rent was spent on drugs. No," he stated, shaking his head, "It was not easier than a nice house, nice cars, planned tours with thousands of fans, and you, but the music was clearer." He looked up to me from where his gaze had dropped to the back of Arch's sleeping head. "I miss the clarity," he said finally, "I miss waking up in the morning and only having to worry about music. Only truly caring about the music."

I pushed back in my chair, the legs scraping against the concrete floor and nodded, practically trying to see inside of his dark eyes, trying to see that 'clarity' that he was looking for. We were both startled when a sharp sound came from the amps just behind me. We turned our matching gazes to the stage, where the guitarist was tuning, getting ready.

Our conversation ended there as the rest of this unfamiliar band took their places. They looked out at the crowd and then at each other before the guitarist spoke into his mic. "Hey everyone," he said, glancing down at the guitar that hung from his shoulder, "Before we get started we want to congratulate PC on their signing tonight, it's not very often that someone as humble and talented as those guys are actually plucked from obscurity, so someday soon I hope to see their faces plastered on posters and their music topping iTunes charts." Each of the members grabbed their beers and toasted the band. The crowd followed suit.

As the guitarist set his beer on an amp, the singer spoke in a much softer voice. "I think we're going to start now," he said, glancing to his left and right to see his band nod, "Okay." He nodded. "Thank you."

Since I wasn't there for that particular band, my heart wasn't in it. In fact, both my heart and mind where stuck on Ronnie's past and the idea that he missed the simplicity of music.

His eyes were focused now, staring at the guys on stage who were doing exactly what he'd once done, and Arch sat in his lap, practically asleep with his head on the table. I reached out and grabbed Ronnie's hand, slipping my fingers between his so that his were on the top of my hand and mine were on his, our palms flat against the linoleum.

His gaze flicked over to me for just a moment and he looked away, but a small smile was on his lips, ruining his composure.

My eyes moved away from his face as Chance walked over without Lilly and took the seat next to one of the boys. It was only a half an hour before the band was done with their set and headed to the bar for another round of congratulatory beers.