Infinite

The camera panned to me where I stood with Arch's hand in mine. I quickly stepped into the frame so that Arch wouldn't be seen and smiled. I headed that direction, promising the little boy that I would be right back, and Ryan and Derek moved over on the couch so I could sit at Ronnie's left side.

"For the first time, Atticus Gurewitz is going to sit down with us and chat about what life is like with and before Ronnie Radke and what they see in store for their future." The camera focused only on Cassandra as she spoke with a grin on her face like she'd just discovered gold. She turned and looked at us as we sat lined up on the couch. "Atticus, thanks for joining us."

I smiled. "No problem, I'm glad to be here." I leaned into Ronnie's side and glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He was smiling too and I could tell it wasn't just for the camera.

"So how long have the two of you been together?" she asked, "Officially. I know there were rumors." She crossed one leg over the other and waited expectantly for us to spill everything about the early days of our relationship.

Ronnie leaned back against me too and answered the question. "A little over two years," Ronnie replied.

"Although it feels like much longer," I added, grinning as Ronnie nodded and agreed with me, "I honestly can't remember what it feels like not to have him around."

Cassandra nodded like she knew the feeling. "So, I'm assuming it's going to be a big shock when the tour begins?" she questioned, "From what I'd heard, you accompanied the guys on the last year."

"Yeah," I confirmed, "It's going to be a long six months without these guys around. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself."

The blonde nodded again, moving onto the next question. She angled slightly more towards Ronnie and checked her list of questions before she spoke again. "You seem to have a pretty busy life all on your own, Atticus," she said politely, "You're the oldest daughter of Brett Gurewitz from Bad Religion and you now work at Epitaph records, is that where you and Ronnie met?"

"Yeah, we just ran into each other," I said, "Literally. He blamed Jacky for slamming into me and then walked off. I saw him later with my father and he met up with me in the parking lot and asked me to hang out with him and the guys."

Cassandra grinned. "You must've known pretty early on that you liked what you saw," she said to Ronnie, smiling slightly as he grinned, running his tongue over his bottom teeth as he thought about what to say to that, "And did her being your boss's daughter have anything to do with the attraction?"

"Yeah," he said slowly, almost separating the word into two syllables, "Atticus is pretty great and it didn't take me any time at all to realize that. I didn't know she was Brett's daughter the first time we met, so it really wasn't a factor."

"I mean, despite the opposition from Brett, you two have been together for quite awhile now. When was it that you first realized that this was going to be something pretty serious?"

Ronnie peered at me and smiled even though he was trying not to. I motioned for him to answer first. He blinked and turned his gaze away before he did. "I knew right away, I think," he said, "But she only wanted to be friends. So I thought that if I could show her a good time and make her laugh and enjoy herself that she'd stick around. But the more time we spent together, I realized that I was the one becoming more attached, not her."

"What was it that drew you to her?" Cassandra asked, "I'm sure a lot of your female fans want to know what qualities caught your eye?" She held her hands up at the camera, a sort of what-can-you-do motion that indicated that she just had to ask.

Ronnie licked his lips as he thought. "I don't really know if it's anything specific," he denied, eyes finally moving back to her, "Atticus is just perfect for me, I think. We annoy the shit out of each other and she's got her own priorities, but that's something I really like about her. We can be together all day and not get sick of each other, but we also tend to spend a lot of time apart taking care of our own responsibilities and I love Atticus, because when I come home or she does, she puts all of that behind her and it's just us. It doesn't really feel like we were apart at all. So, I think it's just the way we are together that made me love her."

Hearing Ronnie speak about us in that way didn't surprise me. He was always a very deep and honest in everything he did, but his reaction to his words and the look on his face when he finished excited me in a way that was never really conscious before. I loved our relationship and Ronnie had just done a pretty good job of vocalizing what I couldn't. He was calm as he spoke, saying each word slowly like he was dredging it up from his memory exactly right.

I didn't kiss him then, but I wanted to. Instead, I bumped his shoulder with my own and he dropped his eyes to mine. They guys were watching us and they softly 'awed', chuckling at me as I lightly rolled my eyes at them.

Cassandra turned her attention to the rest of the guys. "I know that a lot of you have girlfriends as well," she said, "but Ronnie is the first one to get engaged out of the group? What do you think about him and Atticus and are you excited to see him settle down?"

Do you think it'll change anything. It was the question she hadn't asked, but the one we heard. In his past and his music, Ronnie was notorious for his relationships with women, and with his life changing, people wondered if his music would as well.

Ryan spoke first. "I'm ecstatic for them," he said, grinning over Derek at us, "We've known Atticus a really long time and now she's always just fit into our group without a hitch. I honestly couldn't see Ronnie without her and I'm thrilled that she finally agreed to marry him."

Jacky spoke next, slightly out of character since he was usually the last to say anything. He was usually fine with being quiet, letting the others take the moment. "Atticus is like a sister to us," he said for the first time in this portion of the interview, "I fink she makes Ronnie a better person, a better song writer, and a better musician. He wants to please his fans with his work, and himself, but Atticus's reactions are the most important and that makes him work harder."

These were the kind of questions that Ronnie usually didn't like answering. Our personal lives belonged to us and only us. Not even our family had a say or right to know, but hearing these kinds of words from our friends and Ronnie's bandmates wasn't something I'd ever take back. The guys were being honest and I couldn't help but love this lifestyle even more. I didn't just get Ronnie out of the deal, I got all of them.

"Atticus, do you see kids in the future?" she asked abruptly, directing the question towards me, "and do you think that Ronnie would make a good father?"

I took a moment to look over Ronnie. Dressed completely in black, covered head to toe in tattoos, with messy long hair, per usual. I straightened out and looked back at Cassandra, who was trying her hardest to remain professional in front of the camera. "Ronnie would make the best dad," I answered honestly, "He's great with family and friends' kids so there wouldn't be any worry from me."

Guys chuckled obnoxiously, obviously remembering the two crying nephew's from Ronnie's birthday party. Cassandra's gaze lingered on them for a moment, missing the joke, and then turned back to me.

"But do you see children of your own in the future?" she rephrased, trying to get the meat of the story, "I read somewhere that you used to work at a daycare, so you must really enjoy being around children. Do you prefer other people's kids or would you want your own?"

"Someday we will," I replied cordially, "but we're not sure yet. There's always a lot going on in our life, obviously, and bringing a baby into it just isn't the right thing to do at the moment."

She nodded twice and hastily turned through the pages. After a couple more questions about how life is on tour when you're not in the band, she concluded the interview by thanking everyone and congratulating Falling in Reverse on their new album and wishing them a safe trip.

We all stood up as the camera shut off and I turned to Ronnie to follow his lead away from the spotlights. Ryan wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pretended to ruffle my hair while we waited to be told we could leave.

Arch looked at me with questions and I motioned him over. He literally ran over and Ronnie lifted him up, becoming distracted by one of the men who walked over to us, calling for the guys.

Ronnie pulled me past Ron and Jacky, who were busy chatting with Ryan and Derek. I reached back and pulled Jacky by the sleeve to get his attention. They all crowded around the two men, still laughing over what they'd been talking about.

The darker haired man introduced himself to us, finally. "I'm Barret Olden and this is Jason Michail. We run the website where this is going to be posted. I was wondering if we could do another interview with you all while you're touring, just whenever you end up back in town."

I looked up to Ronnie and he looked to the rest of the guys, who nodded easily. "Sure, why not," Ronnie agreed, shifting Arch on his hip, "We'll be back in California near the end of Warped tour. Just check the dates and give us a call."

"Can do, can do," the other guy said, "Thank you for your time. We know that today is very hectic for you and we're sorry to pull you away from your families."

"It's no problem," Derek said for the group, "As you can see, some of us don't go anywhere without them."

"Hey," I muttered, playfully making a face at him.

Jacky wrapped his long arms around me, silently sticking up for me. I laughed and stuck my tongue out at Derek, who pouted, claiming that the band was supposed to stick together.

"Alright, well thank you for your time. We'll see you in a few months," Barret said again, excusing the guys.

I checked the time on my phone and began funneling the guys towards the door. "Lets go get lunch," I said, even though we hadn't planned anything, "I need to make sure you guys have one good meal before I let you go."

"What are we going to do without having our personal chef on the bus?" Ron asked jokingly, walking beside me out of the building.

"I packed a whole bunch of food!" I said, looking them all over, "I made up some stuff and froze it. It's not much, but at least you won't have to eat only takeout for the next few weeks."

Derek was squeezing the life out of me before I could even step outside. "I'm going to miss you so much," he babbled, "I can't survive without you."

"You only love me for my cooking," I stated, pulling out of his grasp.

He pouted but didn't disagree.

We all met back up at a little restaurant not too far away. The guys called their girlfriends since they had time before they had to board their bus. It only took fifteen or so minutes for all of us to be crowding the little restaurant, including Derek's girlfriend Christina who nervously stood next to him, having never met any of us before.

Ronnie led the group to wait for the hostess. Jenn and I were chatting while we waited for our table, and I nodded back to Derek and Christina, who was putting on a brave face.

"Ron, where's Haley?" I asked, referring to his girlfriend, "She isn't coming?"

He turned around at the sound of his name. "What?"

"Hail's not coming?" I asked. We'd only met her a few times while they were dating. She wasn't the kind of girl to spend every moment with her boyfriend. She was independent and focused on her own musical career.

"She left out this morning for a show near her parents'. She she's staying up there for awhile. We play a show there soon so we're going to meet up," he explained, pleased with the way things worked out for them.

We chatted a little bit and then I got up and walked over to Derek who sat at the end of the long table. He looked practically guilty. "I think you forgot to introduce your girlfriend to your friends," I stated, "Did you think that the two of you could just hide out in the corner and I wouldn't say anything, because that's wrong."

"I was getting around to it," Derek defended, "Chris is shy. I was just letting her get used to everyone."

I rolled my eyes at his excuses and then grinned and faced the beautiful girl directly. "Hi, I'm Atticus," I greeted cheerfully. I held my hand out for her to shake.

"Ronnie's girlfriend," she clarified, "Derek's told me all about you."

"Well, I don't usually let Ronnie define me, but yeah, exactly," I joked, "It's nice to finally meet you. Derek has been being really selfish by not bringing you around." I glared harshly at Derek and added, "She doesn't seem shy to me."

The nine of us were finally seated at a table big enough for us all and Derek introduced Christina to each one of us, including Arch, which brought up a few questions from Chris, like it did with most people. We explained him like we always did and then we ordered since the guys didn't have much longer until they had to meet their new bus driver and get on the road to Salt Lake.

Arch sat between Ronnie and I and kept the group entertained through out the meal. He was a firecracker when he wanted to be and he definitely turned on the charm. "So why can't I come with you guys?" he asked across the table, looking expectantly at them with big, challenging blue eyes.

"You'd have to learn an instrument," Ronnie said, trying to let him down easily, "I mean, you can probably play drums better than Ryan, but it's too late to kick him out. Derek has grown attached."

Arch ignored the joke and went straight back to business. "What other instrument could I play?" he questioned, looking over everyone for suggestions. He pressed his palms down on the table.

"We'll get you started on guitar soon," I promised, playing with his hair, "Maybe when you're older you can start a band and the guys will let you go on tour with them."

Arch lit up at the idea. "How old?" he asked, turning to Ronnie and grabbing his arm.

Ronnie looked over his head at me, unsure of how to answer that. Finally, he said, "Whenever you're good enough. Maybe after ten years of practice. Fifteen seems like a good age."

"Okay, deal," Arch agreed.

I made him stop talking and start eating. The entire table quieted down as food and time disappeared. We were all getting anxious as the clock got closer and closer to the time we had to leave to go meet the man who would be driving them around the country for the first couple months.

Around quarter to one, we all got up and gathered our things. It was almost somber as we realized it was time for the guys to get ready to leave. We all drove over to Jacky and Derek's where the bus was parked on the curb. Just looking at it sent a twinge of something through me.

"Oh my gosh, it's so cool!" Arch shouted from the backseat, pushing up out of his car-seat the best he could so he could get a better look at it through the tinted windows, "Can I go inside, Ronnie? Please?"

Ronnie chuckled, glancing in the rearview. "Sure, Arch."

We pulled over on the side of the road behind the bus, since Derek and Jacky parked in the driveway and the bus took up most of the curb. We got out of the car and Arch took off through the grass to the door of the familiar bus. Ronnie took an extra minute to get Charlie out.

Jacky was on the phone with who I assumed was their new driver. He was feeding him directions to the house as he paced the driveway. He nodded to Nason as the man pulled into the driveway behind his car. He was going to be in charge of their behind the scenes this time around. Everyone was leaving but me.

Derek and Christina walked over to the bus where Arch was waiting, his palm pressed against the metal as he tried to figure out how to get inside. Derek smiled at his girlfriend and then kneeled down and whispered the bus code into the five year old's ear.

Arch pressed the numbers in one at a time, barely tall enough to reach the pad. He grinned excitedly when the door popped open. Derek pulled it open the rest and Arch hurried up the steps, already shouting about the inside.

"Arch-" I shouted, about to tell him to stop running before he tripped, but he was gone before I could even get the words out. I sighed and walked over to where the group of travelers was standing. Ronnie had taken the phone from Jacky and was walking around near their front door, explaining something and letting Charlie explore along the tree line.

"Hey, Att," Nason greeted, pulling me into a familiar hug. We'd seen each other just a few days ago when we had a sort of 'going away' get together for the band and the guys who were traveling with them. He'd asked me then if I would drive his car back to his place after they left so he wouldn't have to find a ride to Dere and Jacky's this morning and a I agreed.

I leaned into Nasty's side and slipped his keys onto the keychain that held Ronnie's. "Everything's ready to go?" I asked Jacky, since he was the one who offered to get everything travel ready.

"Yeah, all set," he replied.

I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded. I took another glance at Ronnie before I walked onto the bus, following the sound of their voices to Arch and the other two. They stood in Ronnie's room at the back. It was the same bus as the last tour and everything looked almost exactly the same.

"This is Ronnie's room," I said, "He thinks he deserved an entire room while everyone else got a bunk," I explained to Arch, who sat on the edge of the bed.

"He did buy the bus," Derek said, not bothered at all by it, "Plus, it keeps him out of our hair." They went back through the doorway so that Derek could show Christina the rest of the bus. I sat down on the edge with Arch and looked over the room. Ronnie's things weren't completely put away, but his suitcases were here as well as all the necessities he'd packed.

We looked up as Ronnie appeared. "I thought you two would be back here," he said as he walked in without the dog, "It's going to be pretty empty back here without you."

"You'll manage," I replied as I stood up.

Ronnie wrapped his arm around my waist to stop me from leaving the room. "Arch," he asked, "Can you go watch Charlie for me? He's in the front yard with Ryan."

Arch nodded and hurried out of the room. Ronnie closed the door behind him and then pulled me back to him. I could barely look him in the eye, and even so it was impossible to without tearing up. I tapped my heel against the ground and peered up at the ceiling.

"I'm going to miss you too," Ronnie whispered, reading my body language, "It'll go fast and then we'll be right back here." Him speaking definitely didn't help.

I nodded, not looking him in the eye, not sure if could say anything back to him without crying. I felt stupid and dependent, but he hadn't left me since I met him, and letting him go now seemed impossible.

He said my name again, nose pressed into my hair.

"Ronnie, I know," I replied, fighting hard to hold back my emotions, "You'll be home soon, and I can visit, and you'll try to fly out when you can, and we'll talk all the time. I know, but none of that makes saying goodbye any easier."

He was silent for a minute and then he said, "I know."

Nasty cheered as he climbed the bus with his things, followed by another of the band's friends who had never toured with them before. "Lets get this show on the road!" We heard Nasty shout, echoed by the one and only Bryan Lay who made it very clear that he'd just arrived.

I looked at the clock on Ronnie's table. Arch burst through the door, grinning ear to ear. "Ronnie, B.Lay says you guy need to get your butt moving because the bus driver is here."

"I hope you're not paraphrasing," I stated, peering down the long hall to see the men standing in the living room part of the bus, "Tell them that we'll be right out."

Arch nodded and closed the door. He shouted to the excited men as he ran back down the hall.

I wrapped my arms around Ronnie's neck and leaned into him, knowing we only had a few minutes left. "I love you," I said, and then kissed him, "I'll see you in six months."

He nodded and the two of us headed off the bus. The group had congregated in the front yard. Girls saying goodbye to their guys and friends doing the same with their friends. I hugged all the guys and made them promise me that they'd be safe. Jacky handed me his car keys and I took Charlie's leash from Ryan, who'd managed to have him again. When I got back to Ronnie, I kissed him and offered him a smile.

"I love you guys," he said to us, including Arch. He kneeled down and said a quick goodbye to Charlie. "Take care of my boy," he added, before kissing the side of my face and heading over to join the rest of the guys.

When they all headed towards the bus for the final time, I pulled Arch into my arms and we waved goodbye. Ronnie appeared in the window and waved back at us. The engine started and I bounced the five year old in my arms. "I love you," I mouthed to the dark-haired singer.

As they pulled away from the curb, I wasn't as sad as I had been just minutes before. Ronnie was grinning as he looked back at one of the guys on the bus. He laughed and looked out at us again, waving still.

They were off to do the one thing that made them happiest and there wasn't one single bone in my body that wanted them to turn around and come home. The bus disappeared from my sight as they turned out of the neighborhood and I was fine, even when Arch said he already missed them.

"Well," I said to the two girls who were standing in the yard with me, "I can't wait until they can visit home."