Infinite

"Atticus…" Ronnie trailed off, his face contorting in confusion as he looked at me, trying to piece together how I could be standing in front of him. His expression changed multiple times and I couldn't read him. As he processed, the guys stood up from their chairs and slid past me, Dere and Ron reassuringly touching my shoulder as they followed Jacky and Ryan out and closed the door behind them.

I bucked up and folded my arms over my stomach. "I'm here because the guys are worried about you," I explained, watching his expression closely, "They weren't sure what else to do with you."

"Atticus, what the- "

"I thought you'd be happy to see me," I answered as he lost his words, "After all, you have been arguing with me on the phone every time you call me."

"I didn't think you'd want me to be happy to see you," he replied in the same way, his dark eyes meeting mine.

"Since when do you care what I want?"

He grinned just slightly. "I thought you'd be mad if I told the truth," he said, "but I really don't. Not on this."

I raked my eyes over broken and bruised pieces of him and then moved them back up to his steady gaze. "I heard that you've been giving everyone hell. That's why they called in reinforcements."

He didn't respond to my words and instead asked his own question, the answer he wanted swimming in his eyes, "How long are you here for?"

"Until you stop acting like a jackass and let them do what they need to to get you fixed up," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. "It's irresponsible to act like such a child, Ronnie."

"Is Arch with you?"

"He's with Heather and Aiden," I explained, "I'm not dragging him across three states to see you banged up and pissed off in a hospital bed."

He gave me a look. "I'm not pissed," he answered, "I just explained to them that I want to be out of here as soon as possible and I don't appreciate them taking a century to make a decision regarding my health."

"Don't bullshit me," I stated, "you're obviously being an asshole if the guys needed me to come out here and mother you. And if they called me out here for no reason, security better come escort me out of here because I travelled all the way from Los Angeles - I left Arch - to come out here and make sure you got your shit together."

"I'm trying okay?" he burst, "I don't like hospitals and I don't like being stuck here. Sure, I broke my fucking bones, Atticus, but honestly that's the least of my goddamn worries. My entire life is falling apart around me and no fucking hospital is going to fix it."

"This isn't easy for me either, Ronnie!" I yelled, losing all composure, "It's not easy for me. But I'm trying to be an adult. I'm looking out for Arch and I'm working and I'm dealing with just as much shit as you and now I'm dealing with you too, Ronnie, because you can't handle yourself."

"I'm dealing with it the best I can," he argued, the tone of his voice killing me as he continued on, breaking me with every word, "It's hard to process it all when the love of my life called me and told me that it's over and I can't do anything about it and that it's for me. And I can't possibly understand how this could be for me, because I'm going out of fucking mind and she won't answer my calls and when she does she says she still loves me but it doesn't change anything, because 'it's for me' and even though I don't understand, it's for me and there's nothing I can do to change her mind, even though I've never loved anyone like this before."

"I'm right here," I answered, roughly pushing tears off of my skin, "I'm here, Ronnie, and I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say, but I'm here because you need to focus on getting better and stop obsessing over everything else."

"I'm not really sure how you expect me to do that," he answered.

I pushed my fingers through my too-long hair and gently sat down next to his legs. I studied every bruised and hidden tattoo on his body and I had to shake away the thoughts. "Start by telling me what's wrong with you," I answered, "What happened to you."

"I tripped," he said, "fell of stage. My ribs hit the riser, my shoulder hit the stage, my face hit something else. I'm not really sure. Woke up here with a couple of doctors talking surgery."

"Nobody mentioned surgery," I replied quickly, nervously, my eyes darting to his as I demanded an answer, "On what?"

"My collarbone," he told me, instantly calming me by explaining that it wasn't anything with his organs, anything life-threatening or even that dangerous. "I told them to do it," he continued, "It'll cut the recovery time in half."

"They'll have to cut into you," I rebutted, knowing exactly why he wanted everything to heal faster. Patience didn't tend to be one of his naturally qualities.

He nodded as though he'd already thought about it. "I'll talk to them before I decide on anything," he promised, "Or I'll Google it."

I ignored his last comment. "If it's alright with you, I'd like to listen in when you talk with your doctor. I just want to know how they repair something like that. It's not like they can stitch it back together."

He smoothed his hair back so that it was out of his eyes and then looked at me, honest and vulnerable. "If I tell you not to look after me now, you might stop forever and then where would I be?"

I didn't know what to say to that. There was no way to comfort him without giving in and that wasn't an option. I pressed my palms together and asked, "Are you hungry? I should run and get you something to eat. Knowing you, you've probably taken up an impromptu hunger-strike in protest."

I moved to grab my bag from the chair where I'd dropped it when I came in and Ronnie spoke up quickly. "I can pay for it, Att, don't-"

"Oh, I know." I stopped his words quickly, already grinning. "And just so you know, I used your Mastercard to pay for this whole trip. Since obviously this entire thing is your fault." I slipped my cloth bag onto my shoulder and offered him a muted smile.

I touched my fingers against the stubble on his cheek and then replaced them with my lips. "The usual, yeah?" I asked rhetorically, pulling away. I turned on the tiled floor and headed out of the room, turning to the left where the guys were sprawled out on couches in a little alcove. When they saw me, they perked up, watching for the report.

"Both a little wounded," I explained, "but okay. I'm going to run down and grab him something from McDonalds. Does anyone want to come with?"

Ron and Derek decided to join me and I waved them on as I detoured off at the Nurse's station, promising to meet them outside in just a few minutes. When they'd gone into the elevator, I crossed the black and white tiled floor and rested my elbows on the counter that two women sat behind.

The one in front of me smiled and looked up. I smiled politely in return and glanced back towards Ronnie's room. "Hi," I said softly, "I was hoping to talk to someone about my fiancé's injuries. They're planning some surgery and I was wondering if someone could give us a little insight on how it actually happens."

She nodded. "Sure, honey. I just need his name so that I can look up his doctor." She poised her fingers over the keyboard of her desktop computer.

"Ronald Radke," I answered.

She pressed her lips together and turned her eyes back up to mine. She was a slightly older woman, dressed in scrubs, with her hair tied up in a failing bun, and she looked at me with a mix of reverence, determination, and resolve.

"God bless the woman that can put up with that man," she said, obviously very aware of who I was talking about, "and thank god that you're here now."

I smiled just slightly, apologetically. "He wasn't that bad, was he?"

She was tongue in cheek as she answered. "I don't know how he normally is, but he's been pretty ornery since he got here. On the plus side, we're using less morphine seeing as his anger is numbing his pain."

"That sounds like him," I admitted with a roll of my eyes, "I hope he didn't give you two too much grief. I'll try to make him go easier on you from now on," I promised, folding my arms on the counter, "Is there someone we could talk to now, though?"

"His doctor is out to lunch right now," she informed me with a shake of her head, "She should be back in fifteen minutes or so. I'll let her know that you're looking for her and send her your way when she comes back up."

"Thanks," I answered, "I'm running out to grab something to eat. I should be back before she is."

"I'll let her know you're looking for her, honey."

I thanked her again and headed to meet up with half of the band as they waited downstairs. As I stepped into the mid-sized, mirrored elevator I pulled my phone from my bag to distract myself from thoughts of Ronnie.

Seeing him again was terrible. I hadn't taken any time to think over what I would say to him and somehow we had hit a stand-still, going no where and resolving nothing. I had to make the end final before I left, I just had no idea how I could break his heart and still let him down easily.

Heather picked up my call on the third ring, shuffling on the other line before her voice met my ears, bubbly, happy, at peace with her life. "Atti, you landed safely? Where are you?"

"Hi, Heather," I greeted, trying to match my tone to hers, "The flight was fine. I'm actually at the hospital right now, heading out to get something for Ronnie to eat."

"How was it?" she asked, obviously away from Arch seeing as we'd never discussed anything like this in front of him.

Heather's question made me picture him in the hospital bed. He was all bare skin, bruises, broken bones, and tattoos half-hidden by bandages and wraps. Even like that, he needed me here for a completely different reason.

I answered my best friend, "It's hard. I don't know if I can spend a week here with him. I should come home, Arch needs me more. Ronnie can't move on with me around."

I imagined her agreeing, telling me that it was stupid to run off to another state to be at his side since we were over, completely and utterly done with each other. I hope those words would leave her mouth, but I knew her better than that. And she lived up to my expectations.

"This is affecting you too, Atticus. You're always so composed, especially around Ronnie. I've never seen you nervous around him, even when you'd just met. You two were so natural, it was as though it was meant to be right from the start."

"Breaking his heart just feels so unnatural," I answered.

"Hurting him only hurts because you care about him, Atticus," she told me, sounding wiser than I thought she could, "If it hurts that bad, maybe you should reconsider. Rethink your life without him."

"I can't have this conversation right now, H, not here. It's too weird." I stepped out of the elevator and into the main lobby of the over-sized building. The glass windows showed the guys on the other side, distracted by their own conversation as they waited.

"I should go," I said to the blonde, "Tell Arch that I love him and I will call him later. I just wanted to let you all know that I made it safely and that Ronnie's going to be fine."

"Love you girl," Heather answered, "Come home happy and safe." We said a round of goodbyes and then ended the call. I dropped the phone into my bag and headed in the direction of the guys.

This week would probably kill me, I could feel that already, and as I stepped outside into the last of the sun as it glared off of the buildings, I readied myself for everything was going to come.