‹ Prequel: Trouble-Maker
Sequel: Summer Boy

Infinite

White Flags Over Holland

It was late afternoon when I finally was finally conscious and coherent. Ronnie was asleep next to me, his left arm cradled to his chest, absent of the recommended sling, while the right stretched out under my pillow, opening his body to me. I pulled my skin away from his and sat up on the edge.

The image of him sleeping in my bed was familiar but at the same time so foreign currently that it kept my heart beating at a dangerous rate. He groaned softly as he attempted to stretch his other arm in his sleep. That movement woke him slightly and the absence of my body next to him compiled on that, causing him to blink awake, his gaze setting on me.

“Att, you okay?” he asked, sliding towards me across the sheets. I smiled as I nodded and leaned back to meet him in the center. As we curled back into the blankets, he said, “The guys wanted to get food but I sent them without us. Are you hungry?”

“Mm,” I murmured, tightly wrapping my arms around his waist to hold him in place, “I just want to stay here forever.”

“You have to eat,” he answered quietly but firmly, “You were sick.”

“I’m fine,” I rebutted, pressing my palms against his bare back to accentuate my point. I brushed my fingers lightly against his spine as he settled in. I could feel the hesitation in his movements as he stretched out next to me, but didn’t comment on it, unwilling to bring up the topic again. “And I’m not hungry.”

“You should still eat,” he answered.

I groaned softly and rolled to look at him. “If you’re hungry then we can go,” I said, “plus, you need to get up and take your medication anyway.” I started to climb out of bed despite him reaching for me and I walked over to the bathroom after mentioning a shower to him.

I closed the bathroom door and avoided the mirror as I turned on the water and waited for the steam to fill the room. “Where do you want to eat?” I shouted out to him as I tested the water and stepped in, relaxing under the heat.

I wasn’t surprised when the door opened and Ronnie answered as he stepped in and leaned against the sink. “Something close,” he replied, “What sounds good to you?”

I hummed loud enough for him to hear me as I contemplated. “I don’t really care,” I said finally, “I just feel like it’s my responsibility to get you fed, healed, and back on the road.” I opened the shower curtain just enough to peak my head out and smirked at him.

“Don’t make me come in there,” he answered, a similar smirk on his features, “It’s not my fault you let me worry about you without offering any solace.”

“You worry about me?” I asked as I turned back to enjoying my shower, “Yeah, right, Ronald. You’re the one who couldn’t even manage to keep yourself on stage for an entire set.”

“I was overtaken with passion,” he answered, “and the stage moved away from my foot when I stepped, so it wasn’t really my fault.”

“Yeah, well, you’re the one stuck with the broken bones,” I replied.

Ronnie left the room after deciding on going to the first place we’d run into and said that he was going next door to change into different clothes. I got dressed in a pair of sweats and a hoodie and tied my hair up on my head after toweling the water out of it the best I could.

When Ronnie knocked on the door, I was just slipping my shoes on. I grabbed my bag and opened it up, offering him a smile as I stepped into the hall and let Ronnie wrap his arm over my shoulders.

“Did you tell the guys that we were going out?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he answered, turning his gaze to mine.

“Well, did you invite them?”

“If I invited them don’t you think they’d be here?”

I ignored his attitude and we headed out onto the street in search of any place with food. We were seated in a small restaurant within minutes and Ronnie was hungrier than he let on. He tapped his fingers insistently on the tabletop after we ordered, his gaze darting back to the kitchen door every few minutes as we spoke.

When the waitress came back with out plates Ronnie thanked her quickly and pulled his plate from her hands. She smiled at his eagerness and met my eye amusedly. “Thank you,” I said as she set my own food down in front of me.

“No problem,” she answered easily, “Enjoy your meal.”

“Thanks,” I said again as she walked off. Ronnie was basically halfway finished with his and didn’t show any sign of stopping to take a breath. “At that rate we’ll be back in bed in fifteen minutes.”

He grinned at me between bites. “You want to go back to bed?”

I took a bite of my pasta to keep from smiling and turned my eyes from him. When I looked up, he was still looking. I rolled my eyes. “Eat your lunch,” I demanded.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he replied, smirking, “I’ll try to hurry.”

“Well, don’t choke,” I answered, “I don’t want this trip to be entirely wasted.”

He laughed sarcastically and leaned over the narrow table to kiss me. My fingers lingered on his jaw as he pulled back and then I reached for my fork to finish my food as he did the same, his dark eyes lingering just a second too long on me.

“How is everything?” the waitress questioned as she stopped on her way to the table of guys next to us.

“Really good,” I replied, “Thank you.”

“Can I get either of you anything else?” Her eyes lingered on the bruise that spanned the side of Ronnie's face.

“Just the check,” he told her, “We’ve got plans and we’re kind of running late, so…”

I glared at him and then turned a smile to her. “We’re not in that big of a hurry,” I corrected, “So take you’re time. He’s just being impatient.” I fiddled with the straw from my drink and ignored the annoyed look that Ronnie was shooting at me across the table.

“I’ll be right back with your check,” she answered in a light tone, “We aim to please here.” Her ponytail slung over her shoulder when she turned around and went back to the kitchen, promising the table next to us that she would be right back with their drinks.

I looked at Ronnie. “You were the one who wanted to come get something to eat,” I told him, “The least you can do is not rush the girl.” I folded my arms and leaned forward on the table.

“You’re the one who wants to get back to the hotel,” he answered.

“Yeah, so that I can take a nap. I don’t know what you and the guys are going to do in your room, but I wouldn’t sound so eager if I were you.” I stared out the window to accentuate my point and I could see his expression in the reflection. He was surprised at my words and not in a playful way. My heart jumped into my throat at the realization and he spoke before I could catch my breath.

The check made its way to the table before either of us said anything and Ronnie grabbed it, remembering that this trip and everything to do with it was on him. He slid his wallet from his shorts and paid cash instead of using his card. “Lets get out of here, Att.”

I stood up and he kissed the side of my face as he led me out of the building with his hand on the small of my back. I slid my hand down his arm until my fingers tangled with his and pulled him to my side as we walked down the sidewalk amongst the people cruising the little stores.

It felt like we were starting over – the beginning stages of a new relationship and it made me nervous for all the wrong reasons. We caught a few looks as we headed back to the hotel, due to the sheer amount of Ronnie’s tattoos and the bruises that spanned the majority of his face and neck until the purpling skin disappeared under his tank only to reappear where the shirt opened up at his sides.

We spent the rest of the day watching movies and laughing with the guys in their room, seeing as Ronnie hadn’t invited them along before. In the back of my mind were the answers to questions that hadn’t been asked and the words that would erase any obliviousness that we were intentionally holding onto.

We were all sprawled around the room that Jacky and Derek were sharing as some movie played on the television. I was at Ronnie’s side and we were stretched out on the couch. Jacky sat on the edge of his bed with one leg crossed over the other and Derek laid out next to him. Ryan sat on the other twin bed and Ron sat leaning back against the bed.

“Watch him fall off stage again,” Ryan laughed as Ronnie shot him a glare, “I think we all freaked out when it happened. Everything just shut down quickly.”

“Did you hear the girls screaming?” Derek asked, half-grinning at the memory, “Everyone freaked out.”

“I don’t think anyone knew what to do,” Ron said, “Thank god Warped keeps EMTs on the grounds.”

“It looked like you broke your neck or something,” Jacky commented quietly, his light eyes darting to Ronnie’s. Despite the playful tone in the room, the concern was tangible. I couldn’t imagine how I would’ve reacted had I been there and I knew that laughter made it easier to remember.

“Your dumbass tried to get up,” Derek said as he rolled his eyes, “The EMTs were swarming on you but you still had to fight them.”

Ronnie rolled his eyes as well. “The adrenaline overpowered the pain,” he answered as though it was obvious, “I didn’t even realize I was hurt until I tried to push myself up.”

“Yeah, and you fell back down on your pretty face.”

Ronnie grinned at his friends’ harassing. “My ‘pretty face’ is one of the reasons that people love this band so much. Haven’t you seen my Instagram comments?” He put his arm around my shoulders as he shifted, lifting his left elbow from between his body and the couch.

The sound of my phone ringing interrupted the conversation but I still had to tell the guys to stop arguing as I read the name and saw the picture flashing on the screen. They quieted at the sight of my expression and watched expectantly.

“Hey, Dad,” I answered, the thought that I hadn’t told him I was flying out of the state coming to mind for the first time since I left.

”Atticus, Holland’s on the way! he exclaimed, sounding nervous and excited at the same time. I could hear my step-mom shouting for my father in the background as they tried to coordinate a trip to the hospital. ”I could really use your help over here. Max is on his way to pick up Frida from Caleb’s, but Nico’s babysitter has the day off and I’m losing my mind.”

“Dad, I’m not there,” I said frantically, pushing up off of the couch and away from the guys as I rushed towards my hotel room to start gathering my things, “I’m in Colorado with the band, but I’m on my way, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

”Colorado?” he repeated, obviously stunned by the news, ”I know that Ronnie was in the hospital, but why didn’t anyone tell me that you’re there?” he questioned, upset about it.

“This really isn’t the time to yell at me, Dad,” I replied, looking up as the guys came through the door to my room, watching me.

“What’s going on?” Ronnie asked.

I ignored him and kept my attention on my father. ”Atticus, I need you here as soon as you can be. Max isn’t good in stressful situations and Frida never stops talking, so I’m going to need you here to look out for them while I’m with Gina and Holland.”

“I’ll be there in two and a half hours,” I answered factually, “If I could make the plan fly faster, I would.” I threw my dirty clothes into the suitcase and zipped it as the guys caught onto what was happening back home.

Ronnie gave me a look but I didn’t have time to worry about him.

”Meet us at the hospital,” Dad answered, “I’ll try to get ahold of Paulie, see if she can come in and wait with Nico until you get here.” He shouted to Gina that I was in Colorado, answering some unheard question, but promised her that I would be home soon and that everything would be alright.

I could still remember the first time Gina gave birth to one of my sisters. She was a complete mess; utterly terrified that something would go wrong or be wrong with Nico. My father was at her side the whole time, making promises that soon they would have their beautiful daughter and all of it would be worth it.

And he was right. When Nico was born and they laid eyes on her for the first time, Gina was in tears again, this time out of happiness instead of pain and fear. It was as though nothing she’d gone through in the last eighteen hours mattered.

”Atticus, I have to go. We’ve got to get Gina and Nico into the car, we’ll talk about your trip to Colorado later. I love you. See you soon.” He hung up after I promised to be there and told him to tell Gina that I loved her and couldn’t wait to meet my sister.

I turned my full attention to gathering my things and spared the guys a look, knowing they’d have a million questions. Ronnie spoke up first.

“You’re leaving?” he asked, his arms folded as he stared down at me with a look of disbelief.

“My mother is in labor,” I answered, “Of course I’m leaving. I have to be there.” I yanked one of my shirts off the bed and stuffed in into the haphazard suitcase.

“I know – that’s not what I mean,” he replied, pushing his bangs back as he reformatted what he was saying, “I meant, you’re leaving right now? It’s dark out and you don’t even have a return flight scheduled.”

I nodded at the reminder and reached for my laptop to schedule the soonest one there was back to LAX. Ronnie huffed and grabbed the Mac from me.

“Let me do it,” he demanded, sitting down on the edge of the bed to book my flight. “I should come with you,” he added, “I should be there to help out.”

I stopped what I was doing instantly and turned to look at him. “You’re not coming home,” I rebutted, reaching to take the computer from him, “You have responsibilities here, Ronnie. In LA you’ll just be sitting around like the rest of us, waiting.”

His eyes met mine over the lid of the computer. The guys slowly made their way out of the room, sensing the conversation that Ronnie and I had been putting off the entire time I’d been here.

“I thought you would want me there. You called me the last time Gina was in the hospital.” His fingers stopped moving on the keys and simply waited for my response.

I struggled with my words. “Ronnie, I – These last couple days –“ I looked away from his eyes and winced at the curses that left his lips. He knew what I was saying and I hadn’t said anything at all.

“Why the fuck did you come here then, Atticus?” he asked, the computer left on the bed as he stood up, tangling his fingers in his hair out of frustration, “Why would you come here and why would you sleep with me? You can’t just do whatever you want and then claim that it means nothing to you!”

“It didn’t mean ‘nothing’,” I argued, standing up to meet his height, “But it’s complicated, Ronnie, you know that. It’s not like we can pick up where we left off.”

“That’s exactly what I thought we were doing,” he rebutted, “I know you love me and you proved me right last night. Just because you’re able to ignore it when we’re apart doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist when you’re away from me.”

“It’ll always exist,” I answered, “but that doesn’t mean it’s good for us. I mean, look at us, Ronnie. We’re cooped up in some hotel pretending like nothing ever happened between us. We broke up, Ronnie, and that’s not going to change. I’m sorry about last night, but we’re not healthy when we’re together.”

“Atti,” he breathed, his fingers reaching out as though to hold on to me and never let go, “Atti, I would rather die than lose you.”

“That’s my point, Ron,” I whispered, wondering why he couldn’t see it, “We compromise the most important pieces of ourselves when we’re together. I don’t want you to give anything up for me and I can’t live the way I want when I’m in love with you. Either way, someone is going to lose.”

“What do you want, Atticus?”

I stared at him, able to see through him like I always had and I wondered when it became an ability that only I possessed. He had always been able to break down the walls that I built up, within three months I was more in love with him than anyone I’d ever met. Somehow he had broken through and now it felt like I was sewing myself back up while he was ripping out every fresh stitch.

“I don’t know, Ronnie,” I said, defeated, “But I know that it can’t be you and me forever.” The words hurt me to say them and his reaction hurt worse. He wasn’t fighting anymore.

He sucked in a breath and nodded, and I faltered. It felt like I’d just stabbed myself with the needle, so shocked that I couldn't even sew straight anymore. I’d gotten so used to him fighting for us that his white flag blinded me.

“I have to go,” I said, grabbing my computer, “I’ll find a seat when I get there.” I slid the Mac back into its case and stuffed it into my carry-on bag.

When I looked back to Ronnie, he said, “I’ll drive you,” and motioned for me to go ahead. I bit my lip, nodded, and headed out to say goodbye to the guys with hugs and promises to text pictures of Holland as soon as I got the chance.

They let Ronnie drive me on his own, even though he wasn’t supposed to behind the wheel of a car, and he walked with me into the airport despite my refusal. He bought my ticket and it felt like a going-away gift. Like it was all final now – my words had finally gotten through to him – and it killed me more than I thought it would.

He walked me to the gate and pulled me into his arms the best he could. “I love you, Atti,” he whispered, “I’ll see you soon.”

He let go of me and turned to head out. I watched him go, keeping my eyes on the battered, tattooed lead-singer until he was gone around a corner. I closed my eyes, sucked a breath, and then as I let it go I put these last few days behind me.

Put Ronnie behind me.
♠ ♠ ♠
Hey guys.
There are only a few more chapters left (but I have some really great ideas) and I would really like to see what you're all thinking. If you could comment that would be amazing. This might drag out a little farther than I'm thinking because I have to fit a lot into these last chapters, so comments would be great. I'd like to get to 200 before the end of the story (which is possible, because Trouble-Maker had over 300 at 70 chapters).

This will have more than 70 chapters.

Please comment.