Infinite

I was putting away leftovers when Chance interrupted by knocking on the front door. I called out that I was coming, and then hurried to shove the rest of the food into the fridge, crossing my fingers that nothing would fall out the next time I opened it.

I rounded the corner into the living room and headed towards the door, yanking it open to see Chance standing on the front step with the jug of synthetic oil in his hand.

“You made it,” I greeted, stepping back, “Come on in.”

He set the oil down on the steps and then stepped inside, kicking his shoes off as he continued into the living room. “Where’s the kid?” he asked, turning back to face me as I closed the door and turned around.

“Spending the night with my brother at our parents’,” I responded, “He was desperate to stay and play video games.”

Chance grinned and dropped down onto the couch. “Sounds like my kind of kid,” he said, watching me as I walked over and stood on the other side of the coffee table, “Are you going to sit down or…”

“I was going to ask you if you wanted anything to eat,” I replied, meeting his smart-ass look with one of my own, “but if you’re not hungry, then I guess I’ll sit down and relax while you go fix my car.”

“Well, in that case,” he murmured, hopping up from the cushion, “What’re my options?” He grinned innocently as I stared at him and then pouted, eyes darting towards the kitchen. “You did invite and then disinvite me to the party, where food was located.”

“Don’t you have a big dinner planned later?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest, “I’m sure you could hold out if you really had to.”

“Yes, but you just offered me food,” he answered playfully. He stepped around the coffee table and slung one of his arms over my shoulders, leading me towards the kitchen. “Actually, you just sit down and relax. I’ll make something for myself and then I’ll go out and change your oil.” He moved away from me and headed over to the fridge as I stopped at the island and watched him, not giving into him.

“Finding anything?” I asked a minute later while he rooted through the fridge, “Because you’ve checked that shelf about three times now.”

“No, Atticus, I have not,” he answered, glaring at me, “because I don’t know how to cook and your leftovers have vegetables in them.”

I rolled my eyes and begrudgingly moved around the island to help him. “Fine, I’ll find something. How hungry are you?” I pushed him back and started rifling through the fridge, grabbing things from strategically placed spots.

“Moderately,” he answered with a shrug, leaning back against the counter.

“I’ve got some noodles that I made for Arch a day ago or so,” I said, pulling them from the fridge, “If I heat up some sauce, will you consider it spaghetti?”

“Isn’t it generally considered spaghetti?” he asked with a frown.

“I don’t know about that,” I stated, “My spaghetti usually takes a little more effort.” I moved around him as I pulled a couple of pans out from the lower cupboard and grabbed a can of spaghetti sauce from the cupboard over the stove. I poured the sauce into one and the noodles into another, adding in a little water so they would heat rather than burn. It only took couple of minutes before I took the noodles off the stove and let the sauce heat up, adding in a couple of spices to make it more than generic.

“That smells really good,” Chance breathed as he walked up beside me and leaned against part of the fridge that jutted out past the counter, “If this is your leftovers then I hope you invite me around for dinner sometime.”

“Arch usually picks the meals,” I admitted ashamedly, “I do throw in good choices, but most of the time he picks what he wants and I’ll make it for him. It’s the best way to get him to eat.”

“You never told me what made you change your mind about adopting him,” the twenty year old said as his blue eyes met my dark ones, “The last time we talked about it you said that your lifestyle wasn’t good to have him in.”

“Things change,” I answered, plating two bowls of food for us. I stepped around the island and sat down as I added, “I got over my shame of taking him into bars. He loves going to see bands play now.”

“I don’t think there’s anyone on the planet that would assume that he isn’t yours,” Chance said with a shake of his head, “Arch is too much like you.”

“Well, they would if he didn’t open his mouth,” I responded between bites, referring to the look of his blonde hair, blue eyes, and angel face.

“He looks like you in ways that everyone sees but you,” Chance commented, smiling at me before turning his gaze wholly back to his emptying plate of food.

I didn’t respond, instead I let my eyes wander over him, taking in his tan skin, dark hair, light eyes, and ease of existing. Despite everything he’d been through with his mother and family, he was still light, as though nothing could weigh him down.

After all this time; all the drama and the struggles and life, I yearned for the same innocence that Chance wore like a Purple Heart. At twenty years old, he was practically a child and I wondered how five years had made so much difference.

“I should get the oil changed,” Chance said a little while later, “If I don’t I’ll end up leaving here again without doing it.”

I nodded and reached to gather the empty bowls to take them to the sink. “Yeah, that is the whole reason you came over,” I said, moving around the island to dump the bowls and grab a bottled water from the fridge.

Chance thanked me and added, “Well, not the only reason, but it was definitely a contributing factor.” Then he got up from the island bar without another word about it and headed around through the living room, calling back to me about how he was almost 100% sure that this would work.

I stared after him for a moment, trying to decipher his words, and then followed, grabbing a water for myself as I headed out to watch him work.

“Do you have your keys?” he asked as I stepped out the door.

I turned around instantly and went to grab them from the coffee table where they’d been forgotten earlier. Back outside, I tossed them across the yard to him and he climbed in the car to start it up.

I watched him and we chatted as he worked, somehow managing to cover his t’shirt in grease and oil without even trying very hard. He didn’t notice my eyes on him as he bent over the open hood of my car and fiddled with some things.I didn’t bother to shield my eyes when he looked up, only adding an extra nod or two to ensure that it looked like I was paying more attention to his words than his body.

At only twenty, I don’t think I’d seen a finer looking man.

He was muscled in a way that wasn’t overwhelming but still noticeable when he moved, and his flat stomach was interrupted only by the jutting out of his hip bones as he stretched, his expression confused but his eyes unwavering from the hoard of metal, shaped and forced underneath the hood.

When he looked back to me for the first time in awhile, there was a mark of grease across his cheek, pairing with his smile to make him look boyish and rugged at the same time. He’d turned to wiping his fingers on his shirt and it was now a complete mess, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

“Are you finished?” I called over to him, eyes slowing moving from the screen of my phone to his body before forcibly meeting his eyes. I looked away quickly when I realized that he’d been watching me already and his smirk told me that he’d seen me linger on him. I was more embarrassed by the rush of blood to my cheeks than by getting caught.

“Yeah, time for the moment of truth,” he answered, letting go of his shirt as he moved to restart the car. Instead of getting in through the open driver’s door, he turned back and tossed the keys to me. “Here, you do this. I need to listen.”

I flailed to catch them and then composed myself when I did. I shoved my phone into the pocket of my jeans and meandered across the yard, getting into the car as Chance moved back to his place under the hood.

“Don’t touch anything under there,” I called, frowning as he reached out just as I was about to turn the key in the ignition, “What if something electrocutes you and you die? I don’t want that on my karma, Chance.”

He peered at me around the hood. “There’s nothing electrical under here like that. Things just don’t shock people.”

“What if something else is broken?” I called back, “You don’t know. I’m just trying to look out for you, so don’t touch anything.”

I waited for him to give in before I turned the key, listening silently for the sound of anything unnatural sounding from my vehicle. When it didn’t, I turned it off and tried it again.

“Success,” Chance exclaimed with a grin, reaching to close the hood of the car.

I turned it off and climbed out, pushing the door shut as the hood clicked down into place once again. “If I knew it was that easy, I probably could’ve figured it out myself,” I said, frowning at the car.

He gave me another look. “Wow, Chance, thanks for fixing my car. Who knows what could’ve happened if you didn’t. It might’ve electrocuted me for no reason when I was driving.”

“You’re not cute,” I responded to his mimicry as I headed towards the car, “In fact, that’s actually really annoying, so please don’t ever do that again.”

“Do what?” he asked innocently, following me up the two steps and into the house, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you’re welcome, Atticus Gurewitz.”

“Yeah, yeah, let me reward you with a glass of lemonade for all your hard word, young man,” I replied sarcastically, turning towards the kitchen in hopes that rasp-cranberry juice would suffice.

Chance grabbed my wrist to stop me. “Was that a fifties housewife impression?” he asked while he laughed, “I can’t believe you picture us as the neighborhood fix-it boy and the deprived housewife.”

“Well, I am a mother of a grown child,” I replied, turning back to face him with a smile, “and you are practically a teenager.”

“Arch is adopted,” he replied factually, “and I’m closer to drinking age than I am to being a teenager.”

“Just because he’s adopted doesn’t mean that I’m not old enough to have a five year old,” I rebutted, “In fact, I would’ve been your age when he was born, so if that doesn’t prove my point then I don’t know what does.”

“My point is that you’re not a typical mom,” he said, his voice softening as he smiled something more genuine than cocky, “and that you’re only a few years older then me so I don’t appreciate you thinking of me as an impressionable teenage boy.”

“But you are impressionable,” I responded, becoming slightly nervous under his gaze, “Around you I feel like I’m either cradle robbing or corrupting you. You just seem so much more innocent than you are.”

“Trust me,” he replied, his eyes hardening, “I’m not innocent, Atticus, and you in no way have to worry about corrupting me. That happened a long time ago.”

“You’re going to have to tell me about that sometime,” I answered lightly, my eyes moving away from his as he sought my gaze. His fingers slid down my wrist until they were pressing into the flesh of my palm and then he slid his between mine, his other hand clasping too.

“I could just show you,” he answered, stepping so that there were mere inches between us, “We’re both adults. There’s nothing wrong with a little show and tell.”

“Chance, if you make one more reference to elementary school, you’re never allowed back in my house,” I stated, groaning loudly at the image of an even younger version of himself.

He laughed at me pain and nodded, subconsciously biting his bottom lip. “I promise,” he replied, his mouth curling into a smile, “I’ll act my age. You’ve just got to do me one favor.”

“And what would that be?” I questioned.

Without any other words, he leaned forward and pressed his mouth against mine. It was an odd sensation, not unexpected, but different. He was softer and less rigid than Ronnie, and while the thought of kissing him had crossed my mind more than once today, the real life event got me thinking, even when I should’ve been focused on him.

Sensing that I was somewhere else, Chance shifted, his lips pressing against the edge of mine, bringing me back to reality.

There was a nervousness building in me, something that I hadn’t felt in this way in a long time. It was the ‘beginning of something’ feeling and the one that had my hands cupping the back of his neck. His hair was short enough that my fingers couldn’t get tangled in it and it was a rare attribute that caught me off guard when I tried.

The realization that this was someone other than Ronnie snapped me out of it and I stepped away from the twenty year old, wiping my mouth as I shook my head.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, frowning as he stepped forward.

“I can’t do this,” I replied, shaking my head adamantly, “I can’t get into another relationship right now, Chance. There’s just too much going on and you’re twenty years old and you really don’t need to get involved with all this drama. If this was another world, or even a few years ago, there would be nothing stopping me, but trust me, Chance, you don’t want anything to do with this.”

“Atticus, I’m a grown man,” he answered, taking the hat off his head as he ran his fingers over his short hair, “I’m adult enough to make my own decisions. I don’t need you making them for me like you did for Ronnie. I know that you’re going through a lot right now, you’ve told me, but you and I don’t have anything to do with that.”

“There is no ‘you and I’,” I replied, hoping that he would understand and move on, “There can’t be. You’re young and things are easy and you need to be focusing on something other than me. I’ve got too many issues.”

“Like what?” he asked bitterly, viewing my words as a way to scare him off.

“Like a son who views the world as more fucked up than I do, and court dates to try and keep his mother away from him, and a family that needs all of my attention right now, and an ex who I’m never going to be completely over, and a job that takes up all the time that doesn’t go to Arch, and a life that you just don’t need right now, Chance. You need to find someone who has the same ease and innocence as you do and forget about me.”

“I don’t care about any of that,” he replied, “Arch is a cool kid and everyone has their issues, and I know that you’re hung up on Ronnie but I know that it won’t last forever if you don’t let it.

“And as for finding someone simpler, I don’t want anyone else. I’ve been with those girls and I’ve dealt with their little problems and it got boring and I moved on, Atticus, and it was easy to leave them. I don’t think there’s anything easy about you, but at least I know that I won’t ever get bored.”

I ran my fingers through my hair as I pushed it out of my face. I was exasperated, unsure of how else to tell him that he deserved a life without complications. Boredom wasn’t a reason to step into something like this.

“See, Chance,” I said, grabbing a fistful of my hair as I worded my thoughts, “I can’t let you walk in here because you’re bored with other girls. There’s no way for me to protect Arch when you get bored and move on. And right now, I can’t even protect myself from something that I did to myself, so if I let you come in here and replace thoughts of him with thoughts of you, then there will be no way in hell that I’ll be able to save myself when you get bored with trying to fix all my problems.”

“I’m not trying to fix anything about you,” he replied, hands shoved down deep into the pockets of his jeans, “In fact, I wouldn’t change a single thing about you. I’m just trying to stay near you. Who knows, maybe after awhile I’ll be lucky enough to become part of your ‘complicated’ life. Even if it’s in the smallest way possible.”

I heard his words and I knew what connotation to take from them, what he wanted me to get out of them, to get out of him, and I clenched my jaw – fighting my own thoughts – and answered, “I don’t want to use you, Chance. You’re too good for that.”

He smiled, his eyes dropping to the floor, and when he looked back up, he licked his lips and shook his head. “Use me, Atticus, in anyway you want. I’m right here. If you need a babysitter on Friday nights to go out and flirt with guys who aren’t me, then I’ll babysit every single time you ask. And if after months of hanging out with Arch without you, you realize that I’m the one that’s always here for you, then I’ll continue to be here for any other reasons that come to mind. And I’m not asking to be here because I want to fix you, Atticus, I’m asking, because from my point of view, you’re the only person I’ve ever met who has absolutely nothing wrong with them.”