I Have So Much to Say, But You're So Far Away

I lay in bed, the sobs rippling through my body slowly coming to a halt. This is how I’ve been falling asleep every night since I lost my best friend and love of my life, Jimmy. It’s been two and a half years, yet I still can't accept the fact that he is really gone. That I will never laugh with him, kiss him, drink with him, mess around or ever hold him again, and it is tearing me apart. I want nothing more than to join him, but I can't bring myself to leave the others; it’d just be selfish. They need me as much as I need them, though I need them more. I can never sleep properly in our old house ever again. The house which Jimmy and I bought the minute we turned 19. We’d been saving up for years because we wanted a place to call our own. Jimmy was everything to me; my best friend, my soul mate. He was suddenly ripped away from me much too soon, and because of that I’ll never be able to let him go. We’ve been through too much. Day after day I replay the moment we met.

~Flashback~

I was nine at the time and walking through the park, Nothing Else Matters playing through my earphones when I spotted this duck. It wasn’t just a normal duck; it was the biggest fucking duck I’d ever seen. I stopped and stared at it, as I heard a maniacal scream erupting from a nearby tree. I paused my music just as the tallest guy I’d ever seen flew right past me, chasing the duck while screaming out “COME HERE YOU FUCKING STALLION DUCK.” I laughed, watching his long legs carry him towards the duck that was currently running towards the water. I laughed as he gave up, and he turned to me, smirking. I looked behind me, thinking he meant it for someone else, but there was no one behind me. He sauntered up to me, smiling. That smile caught me off guard; it was the most amazing smile I’d ever seen. I looked up into his crystal blue eyes, as I thought to myself that I didn’t even know this guy yet I thought he was really cute.
“Hiiiiiiii. You saw that duck right?” He asked, laughing.
“Hi…haha…y-yeah I did.” I stuttered, looking down at the ground.
“Good cause I thought I was going crazy and HEY YOU LIKE METALLICA?!” He suddenly yelled, startling me. I looked up at him, and noticed he towered above me. I couldn’t form words so I just nodded. He had the biggest grin and he bent down and gave me a huge bear hug while lifting me off the ground, causing me to giggle. As he put me down, I noticed he had a red tint to his cheeks.
“Well I’m Jimmy, it’s nice to meet you.” He smiled, putting out his hand.
“I’m Emily, and it’s nice to meet you too.” I smiled, blushing as I extended my hand. He got down on one knee and kissed my hand, making me laugh and blush even more, though I didn’t think that was possible. We stood there, holding hands, lost in our own world. I thought it was pretty strange until my stupid mouth suddenly decided to spew out a few words.
“You’re really tall.” I blurted, slapping a hand across my mouth. Jimmy just laughed and nodded.
“And you’re really short.” He grinned, putting a hand on my shoulder. I smiled, before looking down at my watch and realizing that I was supposed to be home an hour ago.
“Shit! I’m so sorry Jimmy, but I have to go. Nice meeting you.” I smiled, turning to walk away. I felt a hand on my shoulder and Jimmy appeared next to me.
“Well uh…can I walk you home?” He smiled, extending his arm. I nodded and laughed, looping my arm through his. We quickly got to my house, and the walk was quite fun. We talked about our favorite bands and it turns out we have a lot in common. As we arrived on my driveway I turned to Jimmy, and he laughed.
“What?” I asked, worried that I had something on my face. He just shook his head.
“What?” I asked, smiling.
“Dude. I live right next door to you.” He grinned. For some strange reason my heart leapt and I was so happy to hear that.
“That’s awesome man, means I can annoy you whenever I want.” I laughed, poking him. I turned as my front door opened, revealing my mum. I turned back to Jimmy just as he enveloped me in a bone crushing bear hug. I gasped for air before hugging back, feeling him lift me off the ground. I laughed before coughing like a maniac. Jimmy took that as a sign to put me down, and he muttered a sorry before blushing and walking across to his house. I waved at him once more before walking through the doorway and past my mum who’d been watching with a confused look on her face.
“Who was that?” She questioned.
“Jimmy.” I breathed, smiling.

I opened my eyes, smiling sadly before another wave of sadness washed over me. My smile left my face as quickly as it had appeared, and I had to let my anger out, though not in the way I was thinking. I’d promised Jimmy not to. I cried until I had no tears left to cry and I screamed until my throat was raw. I slammed my fist into the wall, not even bothering to look at the damaged I’d done. I slid down the wall and sighed, laying down before taking my necklace in between my fingers and reading over the engraved message.
“James and Emily, together forever.”
I closed my eyes, praying that it was all some sick joke and that Jimmy would jump out of the closet any second, tackling me and giving me a kiss. But the slam of the closet door never came, and I had to realize that he was never coming back.