I Have So Much to Say, But You're So Far Away

I woke up exactly where I’d stayed; on the floor of my old room. Thank fuck the floor wasn’t that hard, though my neck did still hurt when I woke. I dragged myself into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I solemnly checked the answering machine, which had a photo of Jimmy and I next to it. It was weird though; I didn’t cry. I smiled. The flashing number brought me out of my thoughts though. There were 87 messages. 57 from Brian, 20 from Matt and 10 from Zacky and Johnny. I let out a small laugh. Wow, they seem pretty worried about me. I decided to call Brian first, since I was as close with him as I was with Jimmy. Just as I picked up the phone to dial his number, there was a frantic banging on the door. I put the phone down and cautiously made my way over. I sighed, I didn’t really care who it was. I opened the door and was greeted by a bone-crushing bear hug by…well I couldn’t actually see who it was. I was lifted off the floor by two tattooed arms, and then it hit me; it was Brian. I giggled and hugged him back.
“Bri…can you…can you put me down? I sorta can’t breathe.” I gasped out, my voice muffled by his large chest.
“Oh…yeah, sorry.” Came the reply and I felt myself being lowered to the floor. I stumbled back and then looked up at Brian. He’d changed a lot…hell, we all had. His was no longer sporting his electrified hedgehog anti-gravity hair, but he’d let it grow out and was wearing it loosely on his shoulders. He was wearing a V-neck, and I could see his ‘forever’ tattoo across his chest. A small tear escaped my eye, and I let it fall to the ground. I breathed in, taking Brian in. He was really close with Jimmy, and I remembered that every other day he was over here, either drinking or fooling around with Jimmy. After Jimmy passed, I began to see less and less of him, before then he stopped coming all together. I didn’t blame him or hate him for it, I understood how hard it was for him to hang around my our house with all the memories swimming around. I snapped out of my thoughts and smiled up at Brian.
“Bri…haven’t seen you for a while. How are you? And dude, don’t be a stranger. Come in.” I smiled, moving out of the way for him to walk in. I was trying to be happy for him; I didn’t want him to worry any more than he was. He walked in and looked around, sucking in his breath. The place was exactly how Jimmy and I had left it, and I didn’t want to change anything. His spare drum kit was still sitting in the corner, all our photos and little things were scattered across the counter, and all of the movies and games were still scattered across the carpet in front of the television. I knew how painful it was for him to be here and how hard it was for him to see everything just how we’d left it, though I really appreciated him coming over. I walked past him, grabbing his hand and pulling him into the kitchen. He stood, motionless, like he was waiting for a command. Brian rarely cried, yet he looked so close to crying right now. I walked to the fridge and pulled out two beers, handing one to him. He shook his head, snapping out of his trace-like state and sat down, grabbing the beer and opening it. I sat down opposite him, mirroring his action. We sat in silence, drinking our beers before Brian asked the one question I had been trying to avoid.
“How’re you…holding up?”