Curiosity
Curiosity
My trememdous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.
i just thought I'd be married by now. i was so ready to be married.
You know, you see I am captain of a ship and being captian of a ship i could in fact preform a marriage right here, right on this deck right...now.
No thank you.
Why not? We are very much alike you and I. I...you...us.
Oh, except for a sense of honor and decency and a moral center...and personal hygine.
Trifles. You will come over over to my side i know it.
Well you seem certain.
One word love: curiosity. You long for freedom. You long to do what you want to because you want it. To act on selfish impulse. you want to see what it's like. One day, you wont be able to resist
Why doesnt your compass work?
My compass works fine.
Because you and I are alike. and one day you'll have a chance to show it. A chance to do the right thing.
I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
You'll have the chance to do something...something couragous. And when you do you'll discover something: that you're a good man.
All evidence to the contrary.
Oh i have faith in you. Want to know why?
Do tell dearie
Curiosity. you're going to want it. A chance to be admired, and gain the rewards that follow. You won't be able to resist. You're going to want to know what it tastes like.
I do want to know what it tastes like.
But since you're agood man i know you'd never put me in a position that would compromise my honor...I'm proud of you jack.
*
**
*
I really am proud of him. i know he's a good man.
Prehaps that's why i fancy him the way i do. It's what's so confusing...I love will...and I need to find Will and get him off of the Flying Dutchman before it's too late.
Jack never actually told me how he got on the Dutchman in the first place, but I suppose it doesn't matter now. sitting against the rail near the bow for an hour had done nothing for me. ever now and then i glanced across the deck and saw the blurry distorted sillhouette of Captain Jack Sparrow through the dirty distorted glass window. the glass hid the fact that he was inside, pouring over his map and trying to make his compass work.
I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want!.
He kept closing it, concentrating on that, and opening it again. It would be funny if it wasn't almost sad. I wondered what was getting in the way of that compas pointing to the chest. What else was Jack's heart after? I thumped my head against the wood of the ship in time with my foot hitting the deck as I stared at my hand resting on my knee. I scowled at my fingernails: cracked, broken and uneven from helping out around the ship. I didn't miss Port Royal for a second. I miss my father, that's true, but not enough to go home and risk my and Will's lives. I liked being a pirate. something about the freedom. I looked up from my knees and stretched my stiff neck, turning my head from side to side and taking in the whole ship. Funny, a little less than a year ago, this was my prison, a place of fear, pain, and worry. Now it was a place of freedom, of friends, of rum, of jack.
That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails that's what a ship needs but what a ship is? what the Black Pearl really is...is freedom...
truly. and these pants. they're freedom too. I smiled and kicked in the air a few times and then stretching my legs out in a split, enjoying the stretching motion without fear of exposure. Hmm.
"Elizabeth?" I gasped and my eyes snapped up to see Mr. Gibbs standing a few feet away, eyebrow raised.
"Hmm?"
"Captain wants to see you," he said.
"Thank you," I said, smiling. He shook his head and walked away muttering something about women on ships and madness. I sighed and got to my feet. I walked towards Jack's quarters and knocked three times on the door.
"Go away," slurred a tired drunken voice from inside. I laughed and opened the door. I don’t think he noticed me come in as he sat there, hunched over the table. He had a finger on his compass prodding it and a measuring tool marking paces on a map. "Bugger," he muttered when the needle of the compass faced yet another direction. He tilted his head to the side and raised his eyebrows, sighing heavily. He started going north on the map, towards the doorway where I stood, then realized his tool was at the top of the map and now going off the edge of the table. He looked up and smirked a little when he saw me. "Thought I said go away," I returned the smile.
"Mr. Gibbs sent me," he raised an eyebrow.
"He did?"
"...he said you wanted to see me."
"I did?" I shrugged. He shook his head and closed his compass. "Well, as long as you're here, you hold it. You tell us where in blazes we're going." I walked over to him and picked up the compass. I opened it, and my eyes widened. The needle was spinning. Slowly, but steadily it was spinning in a circle and would not stop. I turned it around so Jack could see and he stood up and leaned over the table for a closer look. He didn't look surprised at it's activity, but just sighed again and sat back down, hitting the back of the chair in exasperation, eyes on my face. "You're no help at all, love." I banged the compass down in frustration. I knew what he was thinking. He looked me up and down before speaking again. "You know, I meant what I said before about those clothes not flattering you," he said, showing a few more teeth of varying color. I rolled my eyes at him.
"Was there something you needed me for or not?" I asked, getting impatient. He placed his elbows on the table and his chin on his fists.
"How you doing?" he asked casually.
"I miss Will," I answered. He made a face at me and groaned.
"Will. Will Will Will Will Will. That's what you're all about isnt it?" he ranted. My jaw dropped. of course it's not.
"Of course it is! He's my fiancé and he's stranded upon some...demon ship from hell, of course that's what I'm all about, Captain."
"You might learn to be a little more open minded," he muttered.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" I asked, a jump in my stomach as I waited for the answer. He opened his mouth to speak, then looked quickly away from me, and then went back to his map. I almost screamed in frustration. I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted to know if he wants what I want. But fortunately, a knock came at the door and stopped me from having a screaming fit. Gibbs poked his head through the door.
"Captain, we're approaching Port Vincent in a moment."
"Thank you Mr. Gibbs," replied Jack without looking up. He looked from Jack, to me, then back to Jack, and back to me, before shaking his head and walking out.
"Port Vincent?" I asked. "What are we going to Port Vincent for?"
"Just a side trip. Only a few hours to pick up some supplies. We're a bit short-stocked on food..."
"And rum," I said absentmindedly.
"Oh you are a bloody pirate," he said, that smile crossing his face again.
"Don't be absurd..." i you're absolutely right
"Admit it, Love: you love this whole pirate concept."
"I could never do this full-time."
"You'd be surprised. How do you think I do it?"
"Well you're..."
"I'm Jack, right? I'm Jack Sparrow, it's just what I do," he sounded almost upset.
"That's not what I said."
"But it's what you meant."
"No Jack," he held a finger to his lips and took a swig of the almost empty rum bottle on his desk. His eyes crossed for a second and he stumbled backwards, and I realized I was around so many drunken pirates all day, I didn’t even realize how completely battered he was. He offered me the bottle and I took a very small sip before placing it on the table. He waved a hand at me.
"Finish it," he said. I grabbed the glass and placed it to my lips, tilting my head backwards and draining the bottle. I slouched back against the chair, posture forgotten with the sudden dizzying effects of the hard liquor.
"The only men I'd ever known were the upstanding British citizens of Port Royal. My father, Will, Norrington...you're so different Jack...it's quite refreshing. I can't see you ever being like Will."
"What? A complete plank of wood?" I snorted oh so unattractively with laughter at the (actually rather accurate) description. "A man who, even when on my ship," he lifted his arms like wings and gestured to the walls. "he does me the great disrespect of being an upstanding British citizen." He stamped his feet and straightened his back and stood like napoleon, one hand on his stomach, one against his back, chin jutting out, eyes out the window. I laughed uncontrollably. "No, being like Will is easy. It's you I'd have more trouble with."
"How d'you mean?" I asked, catching my breath. He shrugged.
"Well one second you're Elizabeth Swan, gem of Port Royal, governor's daughter, perfection, and then the next you're Elizabeth Swan...pirate."
"Well do you ever suppose that it's Elizabeth Swan, governor's daughter that made me into Elizabeth Swan, Pirate?" I asked. He started to stumble and took a seat across the table from me to get his bearings. "It's all that time cooped up in those corsets and walking as if on broken glass and, speaking when I'm spoken to that made me..." I stopped, as his hand fell onto mine. I don’t think he realized we were touching until I stopped talking. I didn't move. His fingers twitched slightly and I could feel him looking at me. "...that made me...crave this," I finished quietly. He withdrew his hand from mine quickly and both our heads snapped towards the door as we heard a call of "Land ho!" I got quickly to my feet and Jack looked around wildly.
"Land...land ho? Land...oh, right land ho." he stood up too and followed me out of the cabin.
*
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*
Jack and Gibbs were off making trades and bargains, and I wandered off. I made it past the hustle and bustle of the trading port and found where beach became jungle. Port Vincent took up about half of a small island home to beautiful trees and flowers, I went about fifty yards into the foliage before I found a large rock in the sun and I sat down. I pulled my knees up to my chest and dug my nails into my pant leg, pulling at the loose threads of the brown fabric. I looked at my right hand: the one on which Jack's had rested only about two hours before. I could still feel the warmth that radiated off of his fingertips. A tingling sensation that ran up to my shoulders and back down my body for that brief moment of contact. it scared me. it honestly scared me. it scared me because I liked it so much. I turned around, examining the plants around my rock. I found a few pretty purple ones with yellow centers and bright green stems. I plucked one from the ground and stroked the petals lightly. They were slightly wet, but so was the rock. it had rained late yesterday. But they were soft. I pinched the end of one tightly and pulled it from the flower. Without even realizing I was doing it, I began to whisper.
"He loves me," I pulled another petal. "He loves me not. He loves me...he loves me not," as I began to run out of petals, I got angrier and more violent with the separation of petals from the flowers. I squealed and fell off the rock when I heard a voice.
"And what did that pretty little plant ever do to you?"
"Jack you scared me practically to death!"
"Did i? you need to learn to expect these things from me, love," he said, walking closer to me and extending an arm down. I took his hand and he pulled me back onto the rock, plopping down next to me and handing me a new (and thankfully clean) bottle of rum. I didn't hesitate to take a large swig. A few minutes passed and he tapped my arm for the bottle back, and took a slightly larger quantity. I wanted to say something, tell him that I was feeling strange things and they all involved him. tell him I needed him like he needs his damn hat. I smacked my palm to my forehead trying to get those dirty thoughts to stop. it wasn’t working
"You alright?" he asked.
"I'm fine..."
"Elizabeth I-"
"Jack we-" we started talking at the same time, and we both stopped as soon as we realized it.
"You first." he said.
"No captain, after you."
"No, honestly I'd really rather hear you first."
"Well I don’t want to say it."
"Well I'm not ready either." Silence for many minutes.
"Elizabeth I think I-"
"Jack I don't think-"
"Oh," we said together. I shook my head and he just laughed.
"On three?" he suggested. I nodded.
"On three," we counted together.
"One. Two. three."
"Elizabeth I think I need to get away from you."
"Jack I think I might...wait what?" did he just say that? "Why on earth..."
"Because I'm pretty sure what you almost just said, it what I was almost saying before, savvy? I can't handle you Elizabeth. You're a bit too much of an enigma for this drunken man to get a grip on."
"Oh Jack..." I didn't know what to say.
"And I can't do it Elizabeth! I mean I know I joke with you but I mean...i could never actually...you...William...he's my friend Elizabeth. I can't do this."
"Jack...can I be sure of what you're saying?"
"Well what do you think I'm saying?"
"You fancy me do you not?" silence. "Jack?"
"Yes Elizabeth. Damn it...Lord only knows how much I do."
"Jack...you're telling me the truth?" he laughed, but our eyes locked and I saw something like hurt in his face. He shook his head.
"You honestly think I'm joking?" I shook my head.
"No...I trust you."
"Don't!" he almost yelled.
"I can't trust you Jack?"
"No! No one can trust me...i'm stealing a girl out from my best mate am I not! I've already told you I can't do this! Why can't you listen to me?" he was on his feet, arms gesturing wildly.
"Jack..." I took his hand and lightly brought him back to a sitting position. "Jack I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what, love?"
"Sorry I can't listen to you," I said.
"Hum?" he asked, turning to face me. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him towards me. He kept his hands in the air, and kept stone still as I pressed my lips on his, but I think he realized there was no point, and I felt his arms around me. I heard glass shatter and I felt liquid splash off of the ground onto my leg as the bottle of rum hit the ground. I suddenly realized I was way out of my league. Will and I...we were each other's only relationships. Neither of us had any experience in anything, but Jack...Lord Alive he knew what he was doing, and I wished I hadn't gotten myself into this, because I felt like a fool. Suddenly I heard Pintel calling.
"Captain! Miss Swan! We're ready to cast off! Where you two run off to?" I gladly broke the kiss.
"Come on Jack they'll miss us." I stood up, but he had my arm and wouldn't stand up. He pulled me back and I fell onto his lap.
"They wont leave without me," he made a move at my face but I put my hand over his mouth.
"Come on Jack." I said, looking seriously into his eyes. "Let's go."
*
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*
Jack had me hold the compass again and this time it stopped spinning.
it stop spinning and pointed at Jack. He started to walk around to see where we were going, but I turned so he couldn’t see. I had to fake it. Just for now. I pretended to be turning to make sure the compass didn’t change.
"Well?" he asked. There was a strange softness in his voice that I'd just never heard there before. it's just for me. I struggled for words.
"South," I muttered. "Due south." He looked at me like he didn’t believe me. "That's what it says," I snapped and he took a step back.
"What's got you all up this way?" he asked. I was about to start screaming aimlessly, probably asking him if that moment in Port Vincent meant anything at all to him, but then the room lit up with lightning and thunder crashed outside. Jack gritted his teeth and growled. "oh bugger not another one." he ripped open the door and ran onto the deck. "Roll up the sails! Douse campus and call it a night men, this looks like it's going to be...woah!!" he covered his head and ran back inside as three more bolts of lightning shot out of the sky and a heavy sheet of rain started hitting the deck. I looked out the windows to see we were heading right into the storm.
"We're in for a rough night," I said. Silence. I looked at him, standing with his hand on the doorknob, staring at me. His face inflated, filling his cheeks with air and then blowing it out slowly.
"Where've you been sleeping?" he asked. I gestured towards the window.
"On the deck mostly. It's not entirely proper for me to sleep downstairs with the crew is it?"
"No, no of course not," he said, shaking his head and keeping his eyes on a crack in the floor.
"I guess I'll just have to do that tonight though won't i?" I mused, watching the raindrops splash against the wood.
"Well what kind of a gentleman would I be if I let you to do that?" he smirked at me and places a hand on his hip, leaning against the door. Oh Jack, where are you going with this.
"And so just what do you propose I do?" I asked. He gestured around him.
"You've always been welcome in here love," he said. I could feel my face getting hot. I started to stutter.
"What...me and...in here...with you and...uh?"
"Yes love, and uh." he replied, mocking me.
"I don't find you funny."
"I'm not trying to be funny."
"Well then what are you trying to be?"
"I'm just trying to be in this room with you as long as possible." His bluntness left me speechless.
"What do you need me for?"
"You are quite pleasurable company you know, Elizabeth."
i it must have been terrible for you to be trapped on this island all by yourself jack.
oh, yes, terrible but...the...company is better than last time and the...scenery has definetly improved.
"Jack are you thinking at all about-"
"I can't stop thinking about it, love," he cut me off, knowing what I was asking about.
"No I can't either." I responded quickly. As the subject came up I felt that familiar nervous churning in my stomach. There was something uncomfortable yet exciting about finding out just what he thought about me, just what he thought about that kiss, just what he thought about taking it further. But to my disappointment he was absolutely refusing to take his eyes off of that damn crack in the floor. "Jack why won't you look at me?" I asked, frustrated. As soon as I asked, he brought his face up and looked right into my eyes. They were glassy and tired, but still taking in every aspect of my face.
"I think the better question is why won't you stop looking at me?" he smiled at me. Not the standard Jack Sparrow smirk that I'd seen him using many times before, but an actual smile, one that bent crinkles in the corners of his eyes. It was infectious, and I returned the expression. I gasped in surprise as more white light flashed around the room and more thunder clapped. My attention was brought back when he spoke again. "My offer, Miss Swan?" he asked again. I sighed and rolled my eyes at him.
"I accept, Captain Sparrow."
"Excellent!" he exclaimed, clasping his hands together. "We'll make it a party! I'll get a blanket for my spot on the floor. Well obviously Miss Elizabeth, it would not be 'proper' any other way. You get the rum." he reached into his pocket and tossed me the keys before running out into the rain and disappearing below deck. I laughed and walked outside too, running for cover as soon as I felt how hard the rain was coming down, and ran down the steps into the rum cellar. I found a small empty barrel and filled it with five or six of the fullest bottles on the rack. I lugged the barrel and myself upstairs and dragged it quickly across the deck through the rain. I opened the door to see Jack spreading out three blankets on the floor next to the bed. He turned to face me as I dropped the barrel on the floor. "What took you so long?" he asked.
"it's heavy!" I whined, gesturing to the barrel on the floor. He laughed once and walked over to me, pulling a bottle out of the barrel.
"thankfully, however, this is not." he said, pushing the bottle into my hand.
"Thankfully," I repeated before downing maybe half of the bottle. Jack looked down into the barrel as he pulled some rum out for himself.
"Nice haul," he said. "because I'm sure as blazes not going back out there tonight." he gestured towards the window as he raised the bottle to his lips.
"I'm so sick of this ship," I said, plopping down on jack's bed. He sat down on the floor on his "bed" as well.
"You're bored, that's all," he responded. I didn't hesitate to drink some more rum as I felt the buzz coming on that felt more and more like part of me every time it happened. I'm drunk. I'm drunk, jack's drunk, we're together, we're alone.
"Well how do you keep from getting bored?"
"Women. Women and rum. Lots and lots and lots of women."
"Oh, well don't I feel special."
"Oh, love don't feel that way." his speech slowed and his words mixed together as more and more liquor slid down his throat. Of course I'm sure it didn’t matter, because I was probably doing the same thing. "You've got a special place, a special place right here." he pounded his chest over his heart, but in an ability to keep his own arm up, it fell and rested on his thigh. I laughed a little. He stared cross-eyed at the bottle in his hand. "You think I'd have grown accustomed to the stuff by now but..." he shrugged and finished off the bottle, before crawling to the barrel and retrieving another, coming back and leaning against the side of the bed.
"Jack..." I started, sitting up and propping myself up on my elbows.
"yes, love?"
"do you love me?"
"of course I do pup, you're fantastic."
"no Jack no, I mean, do you love me?" I asked again, leaning over the edge of the bed to look at him.
"oh, well, yes I suppose I..." I cut him off by pressing my lips onto his. I started counting the seconds
one I'm so drunk, two I'm so drunk, three I'm so drunk, four I'm so drunk, five I'm so drunk, six I'm so drunk, seven I'm so drunk, eight I'm so drunk, nine I'm so drunk andddd TEN I'm so drunk.
I pulled back, and smiled inwardly at the expression off his face. His eyes were closed peacefully, his lips puckering and twitching, still searching for mine.
"how about now?" I asked. I felt a breath of hot alcohol on my face, and a hand on my neck and he pulled me back to his face again. I felt him getting to his feet, and I felt the bed go down as he got into it with me. we were kneeling together on his bed and things were getting intense. he pushed me down. I wasn't fighting him. I was excited. I was drunk enough for the both of us, that what I was.
But I felt like he was holding back, I was soon to find out why. He broke the kiss for a moment to look me in the eyes.
"you know, if you think you felt like a child back at Port Vincent, I hope you understand you aren't going to feel any smarter in a few minutes." he knew that I knew what he meant.
virgins don’t know what they're doing.
"I'll take my chances," I said breathlessly. He smirked.
"well all right then." at my words he removed all inhibitions of making me go to fast. I guess that showed me he actually kind of cared: cared about my comfort, about making me happy, about making me...what am I doing? I'd gotten lost in the entire essence of what was happening, and I didn’t even realize that this was all coming very naturally, and I was already helping Jack with his shirt. It went over his head and hit the floor and I opened my eyes to look at him. I'd never seen this much of him before and it was an awakening, that he was actually a lot more attractive than I'd anticipated. darkly tanned skin all over, a slim but muscular figure, and I could see all six of his stomach muscles against his skin. I ran my cold fingers against his warm front from his shoulders to his waist and he shivered. I laughed, not realizing I had such an effect on him. He reached for his bottle of rum off the floor while he was still sitting up and almost drained it before offering what remained to me. I shook my head.
"I want to be coherent." I said. He looked at me for a moment.
"youwannabewhatnow?" he slurred. I shook my head.
"doesn’t matter," I whispered, pulling him back down over me. minutes passed and his hand found the hem of my shirt. I gasped at the sensation of cold fingers against the skin of my stomach, and bumps raised on my skin as he traced circles on my sides. I closed my eyes and wondered how long this would last, how long before he was finished with me, after he'd gotten what he wanted. I wondered what he would do after I'd given myself up. he'll probably forget it ever happened. we'll just go back to sailing and being jack and Elizabeth. then maybe the compass will point me to will. Oh dear lord, WILL! "will." I whispered.
"what was that?" said Jack. My eyes snapped open as the liquor cleared out of my mind long enough to realize exactly what was happening. I gasped and without even realizing how hard I pushed, placed my palms on Jack's shoulders and shoved him off of me, rolling out from under him. He yelled as he hit the floor and rolled a few feet. "what in hell...?" he asked, staring at me. I shook my head and pulled my knees to my chest, leaning against the wall.
"I can't...I...I...Will!" I stuttered, a lump rising in my throat. Jack groaned as a mixture of fury and frustration came over his face and he stood up. "Jack..."
"Stop."
"Jack!"
"just stop!" he yelled, grabbing his shirt off of the floor and throwing it on (backwards). He started to make his way towards the door, but stopped at his map table, picking up the compass. He turned and hurled it at me. I screamed and covered my head as it whizzed by me and hit the wall, landing on the bed by my leg. "what does it say now, eh?" he yelled before wrenching open the door and walking out into the rain, slamming it behind him. I caught my breath and slowly picked up the compass. I closed my eyes and opened it. When I opened my eyes, the needle was repeating it's previous motion of slowly spinning in a circle.
"oh...bugger!" I shouted before leaping off of the bed and running outside. I looked around the deck and found that jack had taken refuge underneath the stairs. I had to yell over the storm for him to hear me.
"Jack!" I called. he looked over his shoulder at me, but only for a second.
"go back inside Elizabeth, no sense in you getting soaking wet."
"Jack stop being so bloody foolish."
"besides," he continued "it's not entirely proper for you to be sleeping with members of the crew," he said, mimicking my words from earlier.
"Jack come on you're going to freeze to death out here!"
"absolutely not miss swan! it's going to take a night of persuading and a lot more rum to get me back in that room with you."
"well that's just..." I stopped. idea. "Fine. But you should know that every last individual bottle of rum is sitting in the cabin, which is where I'll be. Goodnight Captain Sparrow," I yelled. I turned and walked back into the cabin, shaking my arms and legs to get excess water off. I flopped down into Jack's bed, facing the wall. I closed my eyes and started an attempt at sleeping, letting the motion of the ship lull me. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes before I heard the door open and jack walk in.
"Elizabeth?" he asked. I shut my eyes. "Elizabeth are you awake?" I didn’t respond. I felt him sit down next to me. "Suppose you won't mind me then."
no, I wont mind at all.
I felt him lay down, his face very close to my head. I could feel his breath in my hair. Then he started to whisper.
"I'm sorry," he started. "I should have stopped you. I saw this coming. I told you I couldn’t do this..." he trailed off into a yawn. I almost yawned too, before realizing I was supposed to be asleep. I gave it a few minutes, and when I felt his breathing slow and even and I knew he was asleep, I replied.
"And I told you that someday you would do the right thing."
we both had.
i just thought I'd be married by now. i was so ready to be married.
You know, you see I am captain of a ship and being captian of a ship i could in fact preform a marriage right here, right on this deck right...now.
No thank you.
Why not? We are very much alike you and I. I...you...us.
Oh, except for a sense of honor and decency and a moral center...and personal hygine.
Trifles. You will come over over to my side i know it.
Well you seem certain.
One word love: curiosity. You long for freedom. You long to do what you want to because you want it. To act on selfish impulse. you want to see what it's like. One day, you wont be able to resist
Why doesnt your compass work?
My compass works fine.
Because you and I are alike. and one day you'll have a chance to show it. A chance to do the right thing.
I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
You'll have the chance to do something...something couragous. And when you do you'll discover something: that you're a good man.
All evidence to the contrary.
Oh i have faith in you. Want to know why?
Do tell dearie
Curiosity. you're going to want it. A chance to be admired, and gain the rewards that follow. You won't be able to resist. You're going to want to know what it tastes like.
I do want to know what it tastes like.
But since you're agood man i know you'd never put me in a position that would compromise my honor...I'm proud of you jack.
*
**
*
I really am proud of him. i know he's a good man.
Prehaps that's why i fancy him the way i do. It's what's so confusing...I love will...and I need to find Will and get him off of the Flying Dutchman before it's too late.
Jack never actually told me how he got on the Dutchman in the first place, but I suppose it doesn't matter now. sitting against the rail near the bow for an hour had done nothing for me. ever now and then i glanced across the deck and saw the blurry distorted sillhouette of Captain Jack Sparrow through the dirty distorted glass window. the glass hid the fact that he was inside, pouring over his map and trying to make his compass work.
I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want!.
He kept closing it, concentrating on that, and opening it again. It would be funny if it wasn't almost sad. I wondered what was getting in the way of that compas pointing to the chest. What else was Jack's heart after? I thumped my head against the wood of the ship in time with my foot hitting the deck as I stared at my hand resting on my knee. I scowled at my fingernails: cracked, broken and uneven from helping out around the ship. I didn't miss Port Royal for a second. I miss my father, that's true, but not enough to go home and risk my and Will's lives. I liked being a pirate. something about the freedom. I looked up from my knees and stretched my stiff neck, turning my head from side to side and taking in the whole ship. Funny, a little less than a year ago, this was my prison, a place of fear, pain, and worry. Now it was a place of freedom, of friends, of rum, of jack.
That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails that's what a ship needs but what a ship is? what the Black Pearl really is...is freedom...
truly. and these pants. they're freedom too. I smiled and kicked in the air a few times and then stretching my legs out in a split, enjoying the stretching motion without fear of exposure. Hmm.
"Elizabeth?" I gasped and my eyes snapped up to see Mr. Gibbs standing a few feet away, eyebrow raised.
"Hmm?"
"Captain wants to see you," he said.
"Thank you," I said, smiling. He shook his head and walked away muttering something about women on ships and madness. I sighed and got to my feet. I walked towards Jack's quarters and knocked three times on the door.
"Go away," slurred a tired drunken voice from inside. I laughed and opened the door. I don’t think he noticed me come in as he sat there, hunched over the table. He had a finger on his compass prodding it and a measuring tool marking paces on a map. "Bugger," he muttered when the needle of the compass faced yet another direction. He tilted his head to the side and raised his eyebrows, sighing heavily. He started going north on the map, towards the doorway where I stood, then realized his tool was at the top of the map and now going off the edge of the table. He looked up and smirked a little when he saw me. "Thought I said go away," I returned the smile.
"Mr. Gibbs sent me," he raised an eyebrow.
"He did?"
"...he said you wanted to see me."
"I did?" I shrugged. He shook his head and closed his compass. "Well, as long as you're here, you hold it. You tell us where in blazes we're going." I walked over to him and picked up the compass. I opened it, and my eyes widened. The needle was spinning. Slowly, but steadily it was spinning in a circle and would not stop. I turned it around so Jack could see and he stood up and leaned over the table for a closer look. He didn't look surprised at it's activity, but just sighed again and sat back down, hitting the back of the chair in exasperation, eyes on my face. "You're no help at all, love." I banged the compass down in frustration. I knew what he was thinking. He looked me up and down before speaking again. "You know, I meant what I said before about those clothes not flattering you," he said, showing a few more teeth of varying color. I rolled my eyes at him.
"Was there something you needed me for or not?" I asked, getting impatient. He placed his elbows on the table and his chin on his fists.
"How you doing?" he asked casually.
"I miss Will," I answered. He made a face at me and groaned.
"Will. Will Will Will Will Will. That's what you're all about isnt it?" he ranted. My jaw dropped. of course it's not.
"Of course it is! He's my fiancé and he's stranded upon some...demon ship from hell, of course that's what I'm all about, Captain."
"You might learn to be a little more open minded," he muttered.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" I asked, a jump in my stomach as I waited for the answer. He opened his mouth to speak, then looked quickly away from me, and then went back to his map. I almost screamed in frustration. I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted to know if he wants what I want. But fortunately, a knock came at the door and stopped me from having a screaming fit. Gibbs poked his head through the door.
"Captain, we're approaching Port Vincent in a moment."
"Thank you Mr. Gibbs," replied Jack without looking up. He looked from Jack, to me, then back to Jack, and back to me, before shaking his head and walking out.
"Port Vincent?" I asked. "What are we going to Port Vincent for?"
"Just a side trip. Only a few hours to pick up some supplies. We're a bit short-stocked on food..."
"And rum," I said absentmindedly.
"Oh you are a bloody pirate," he said, that smile crossing his face again.
"Don't be absurd..." i you're absolutely right
"Admit it, Love: you love this whole pirate concept."
"I could never do this full-time."
"You'd be surprised. How do you think I do it?"
"Well you're..."
"I'm Jack, right? I'm Jack Sparrow, it's just what I do," he sounded almost upset.
"That's not what I said."
"But it's what you meant."
"No Jack," he held a finger to his lips and took a swig of the almost empty rum bottle on his desk. His eyes crossed for a second and he stumbled backwards, and I realized I was around so many drunken pirates all day, I didn’t even realize how completely battered he was. He offered me the bottle and I took a very small sip before placing it on the table. He waved a hand at me.
"Finish it," he said. I grabbed the glass and placed it to my lips, tilting my head backwards and draining the bottle. I slouched back against the chair, posture forgotten with the sudden dizzying effects of the hard liquor.
"The only men I'd ever known were the upstanding British citizens of Port Royal. My father, Will, Norrington...you're so different Jack...it's quite refreshing. I can't see you ever being like Will."
"What? A complete plank of wood?" I snorted oh so unattractively with laughter at the (actually rather accurate) description. "A man who, even when on my ship," he lifted his arms like wings and gestured to the walls. "he does me the great disrespect of being an upstanding British citizen." He stamped his feet and straightened his back and stood like napoleon, one hand on his stomach, one against his back, chin jutting out, eyes out the window. I laughed uncontrollably. "No, being like Will is easy. It's you I'd have more trouble with."
"How d'you mean?" I asked, catching my breath. He shrugged.
"Well one second you're Elizabeth Swan, gem of Port Royal, governor's daughter, perfection, and then the next you're Elizabeth Swan...pirate."
"Well do you ever suppose that it's Elizabeth Swan, governor's daughter that made me into Elizabeth Swan, Pirate?" I asked. He started to stumble and took a seat across the table from me to get his bearings. "It's all that time cooped up in those corsets and walking as if on broken glass and, speaking when I'm spoken to that made me..." I stopped, as his hand fell onto mine. I don’t think he realized we were touching until I stopped talking. I didn't move. His fingers twitched slightly and I could feel him looking at me. "...that made me...crave this," I finished quietly. He withdrew his hand from mine quickly and both our heads snapped towards the door as we heard a call of "Land ho!" I got quickly to my feet and Jack looked around wildly.
"Land...land ho? Land...oh, right land ho." he stood up too and followed me out of the cabin.
*
**
*
Jack and Gibbs were off making trades and bargains, and I wandered off. I made it past the hustle and bustle of the trading port and found where beach became jungle. Port Vincent took up about half of a small island home to beautiful trees and flowers, I went about fifty yards into the foliage before I found a large rock in the sun and I sat down. I pulled my knees up to my chest and dug my nails into my pant leg, pulling at the loose threads of the brown fabric. I looked at my right hand: the one on which Jack's had rested only about two hours before. I could still feel the warmth that radiated off of his fingertips. A tingling sensation that ran up to my shoulders and back down my body for that brief moment of contact. it scared me. it honestly scared me. it scared me because I liked it so much. I turned around, examining the plants around my rock. I found a few pretty purple ones with yellow centers and bright green stems. I plucked one from the ground and stroked the petals lightly. They were slightly wet, but so was the rock. it had rained late yesterday. But they were soft. I pinched the end of one tightly and pulled it from the flower. Without even realizing I was doing it, I began to whisper.
"He loves me," I pulled another petal. "He loves me not. He loves me...he loves me not," as I began to run out of petals, I got angrier and more violent with the separation of petals from the flowers. I squealed and fell off the rock when I heard a voice.
"And what did that pretty little plant ever do to you?"
"Jack you scared me practically to death!"
"Did i? you need to learn to expect these things from me, love," he said, walking closer to me and extending an arm down. I took his hand and he pulled me back onto the rock, plopping down next to me and handing me a new (and thankfully clean) bottle of rum. I didn't hesitate to take a large swig. A few minutes passed and he tapped my arm for the bottle back, and took a slightly larger quantity. I wanted to say something, tell him that I was feeling strange things and they all involved him. tell him I needed him like he needs his damn hat. I smacked my palm to my forehead trying to get those dirty thoughts to stop. it wasn’t working
"You alright?" he asked.
"I'm fine..."
"Elizabeth I-"
"Jack we-" we started talking at the same time, and we both stopped as soon as we realized it.
"You first." he said.
"No captain, after you."
"No, honestly I'd really rather hear you first."
"Well I don’t want to say it."
"Well I'm not ready either." Silence for many minutes.
"Elizabeth I think I-"
"Jack I don't think-"
"Oh," we said together. I shook my head and he just laughed.
"On three?" he suggested. I nodded.
"On three," we counted together.
"One. Two. three."
"Elizabeth I think I need to get away from you."
"Jack I think I might...wait what?" did he just say that? "Why on earth..."
"Because I'm pretty sure what you almost just said, it what I was almost saying before, savvy? I can't handle you Elizabeth. You're a bit too much of an enigma for this drunken man to get a grip on."
"Oh Jack..." I didn't know what to say.
"And I can't do it Elizabeth! I mean I know I joke with you but I mean...i could never actually...you...William...he's my friend Elizabeth. I can't do this."
"Jack...can I be sure of what you're saying?"
"Well what do you think I'm saying?"
"You fancy me do you not?" silence. "Jack?"
"Yes Elizabeth. Damn it...Lord only knows how much I do."
"Jack...you're telling me the truth?" he laughed, but our eyes locked and I saw something like hurt in his face. He shook his head.
"You honestly think I'm joking?" I shook my head.
"No...I trust you."
"Don't!" he almost yelled.
"I can't trust you Jack?"
"No! No one can trust me...i'm stealing a girl out from my best mate am I not! I've already told you I can't do this! Why can't you listen to me?" he was on his feet, arms gesturing wildly.
"Jack..." I took his hand and lightly brought him back to a sitting position. "Jack I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what, love?"
"Sorry I can't listen to you," I said.
"Hum?" he asked, turning to face me. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him towards me. He kept his hands in the air, and kept stone still as I pressed my lips on his, but I think he realized there was no point, and I felt his arms around me. I heard glass shatter and I felt liquid splash off of the ground onto my leg as the bottle of rum hit the ground. I suddenly realized I was way out of my league. Will and I...we were each other's only relationships. Neither of us had any experience in anything, but Jack...Lord Alive he knew what he was doing, and I wished I hadn't gotten myself into this, because I felt like a fool. Suddenly I heard Pintel calling.
"Captain! Miss Swan! We're ready to cast off! Where you two run off to?" I gladly broke the kiss.
"Come on Jack they'll miss us." I stood up, but he had my arm and wouldn't stand up. He pulled me back and I fell onto his lap.
"They wont leave without me," he made a move at my face but I put my hand over his mouth.
"Come on Jack." I said, looking seriously into his eyes. "Let's go."
*
**
*
Jack had me hold the compass again and this time it stopped spinning.
it stop spinning and pointed at Jack. He started to walk around to see where we were going, but I turned so he couldn’t see. I had to fake it. Just for now. I pretended to be turning to make sure the compass didn’t change.
"Well?" he asked. There was a strange softness in his voice that I'd just never heard there before. it's just for me. I struggled for words.
"South," I muttered. "Due south." He looked at me like he didn’t believe me. "That's what it says," I snapped and he took a step back.
"What's got you all up this way?" he asked. I was about to start screaming aimlessly, probably asking him if that moment in Port Vincent meant anything at all to him, but then the room lit up with lightning and thunder crashed outside. Jack gritted his teeth and growled. "oh bugger not another one." he ripped open the door and ran onto the deck. "Roll up the sails! Douse campus and call it a night men, this looks like it's going to be...woah!!" he covered his head and ran back inside as three more bolts of lightning shot out of the sky and a heavy sheet of rain started hitting the deck. I looked out the windows to see we were heading right into the storm.
"We're in for a rough night," I said. Silence. I looked at him, standing with his hand on the doorknob, staring at me. His face inflated, filling his cheeks with air and then blowing it out slowly.
"Where've you been sleeping?" he asked. I gestured towards the window.
"On the deck mostly. It's not entirely proper for me to sleep downstairs with the crew is it?"
"No, no of course not," he said, shaking his head and keeping his eyes on a crack in the floor.
"I guess I'll just have to do that tonight though won't i?" I mused, watching the raindrops splash against the wood.
"Well what kind of a gentleman would I be if I let you to do that?" he smirked at me and places a hand on his hip, leaning against the door. Oh Jack, where are you going with this.
"And so just what do you propose I do?" I asked. He gestured around him.
"You've always been welcome in here love," he said. I could feel my face getting hot. I started to stutter.
"What...me and...in here...with you and...uh?"
"Yes love, and uh." he replied, mocking me.
"I don't find you funny."
"I'm not trying to be funny."
"Well then what are you trying to be?"
"I'm just trying to be in this room with you as long as possible." His bluntness left me speechless.
"What do you need me for?"
"You are quite pleasurable company you know, Elizabeth."
i it must have been terrible for you to be trapped on this island all by yourself jack.
oh, yes, terrible but...the...company is better than last time and the...scenery has definetly improved.
"Jack are you thinking at all about-"
"I can't stop thinking about it, love," he cut me off, knowing what I was asking about.
"No I can't either." I responded quickly. As the subject came up I felt that familiar nervous churning in my stomach. There was something uncomfortable yet exciting about finding out just what he thought about me, just what he thought about that kiss, just what he thought about taking it further. But to my disappointment he was absolutely refusing to take his eyes off of that damn crack in the floor. "Jack why won't you look at me?" I asked, frustrated. As soon as I asked, he brought his face up and looked right into my eyes. They were glassy and tired, but still taking in every aspect of my face.
"I think the better question is why won't you stop looking at me?" he smiled at me. Not the standard Jack Sparrow smirk that I'd seen him using many times before, but an actual smile, one that bent crinkles in the corners of his eyes. It was infectious, and I returned the expression. I gasped in surprise as more white light flashed around the room and more thunder clapped. My attention was brought back when he spoke again. "My offer, Miss Swan?" he asked again. I sighed and rolled my eyes at him.
"I accept, Captain Sparrow."
"Excellent!" he exclaimed, clasping his hands together. "We'll make it a party! I'll get a blanket for my spot on the floor. Well obviously Miss Elizabeth, it would not be 'proper' any other way. You get the rum." he reached into his pocket and tossed me the keys before running out into the rain and disappearing below deck. I laughed and walked outside too, running for cover as soon as I felt how hard the rain was coming down, and ran down the steps into the rum cellar. I found a small empty barrel and filled it with five or six of the fullest bottles on the rack. I lugged the barrel and myself upstairs and dragged it quickly across the deck through the rain. I opened the door to see Jack spreading out three blankets on the floor next to the bed. He turned to face me as I dropped the barrel on the floor. "What took you so long?" he asked.
"it's heavy!" I whined, gesturing to the barrel on the floor. He laughed once and walked over to me, pulling a bottle out of the barrel.
"thankfully, however, this is not." he said, pushing the bottle into my hand.
"Thankfully," I repeated before downing maybe half of the bottle. Jack looked down into the barrel as he pulled some rum out for himself.
"Nice haul," he said. "because I'm sure as blazes not going back out there tonight." he gestured towards the window as he raised the bottle to his lips.
"I'm so sick of this ship," I said, plopping down on jack's bed. He sat down on the floor on his "bed" as well.
"You're bored, that's all," he responded. I didn't hesitate to drink some more rum as I felt the buzz coming on that felt more and more like part of me every time it happened. I'm drunk. I'm drunk, jack's drunk, we're together, we're alone.
"Well how do you keep from getting bored?"
"Women. Women and rum. Lots and lots and lots of women."
"Oh, well don't I feel special."
"Oh, love don't feel that way." his speech slowed and his words mixed together as more and more liquor slid down his throat. Of course I'm sure it didn’t matter, because I was probably doing the same thing. "You've got a special place, a special place right here." he pounded his chest over his heart, but in an ability to keep his own arm up, it fell and rested on his thigh. I laughed a little. He stared cross-eyed at the bottle in his hand. "You think I'd have grown accustomed to the stuff by now but..." he shrugged and finished off the bottle, before crawling to the barrel and retrieving another, coming back and leaning against the side of the bed.
"Jack..." I started, sitting up and propping myself up on my elbows.
"yes, love?"
"do you love me?"
"of course I do pup, you're fantastic."
"no Jack no, I mean, do you love me?" I asked again, leaning over the edge of the bed to look at him.
"oh, well, yes I suppose I..." I cut him off by pressing my lips onto his. I started counting the seconds
one I'm so drunk, two I'm so drunk, three I'm so drunk, four I'm so drunk, five I'm so drunk, six I'm so drunk, seven I'm so drunk, eight I'm so drunk, nine I'm so drunk andddd TEN I'm so drunk.
I pulled back, and smiled inwardly at the expression off his face. His eyes were closed peacefully, his lips puckering and twitching, still searching for mine.
"how about now?" I asked. I felt a breath of hot alcohol on my face, and a hand on my neck and he pulled me back to his face again. I felt him getting to his feet, and I felt the bed go down as he got into it with me. we were kneeling together on his bed and things were getting intense. he pushed me down. I wasn't fighting him. I was excited. I was drunk enough for the both of us, that what I was.
But I felt like he was holding back, I was soon to find out why. He broke the kiss for a moment to look me in the eyes.
"you know, if you think you felt like a child back at Port Vincent, I hope you understand you aren't going to feel any smarter in a few minutes." he knew that I knew what he meant.
virgins don’t know what they're doing.
"I'll take my chances," I said breathlessly. He smirked.
"well all right then." at my words he removed all inhibitions of making me go to fast. I guess that showed me he actually kind of cared: cared about my comfort, about making me happy, about making me...what am I doing? I'd gotten lost in the entire essence of what was happening, and I didn’t even realize that this was all coming very naturally, and I was already helping Jack with his shirt. It went over his head and hit the floor and I opened my eyes to look at him. I'd never seen this much of him before and it was an awakening, that he was actually a lot more attractive than I'd anticipated. darkly tanned skin all over, a slim but muscular figure, and I could see all six of his stomach muscles against his skin. I ran my cold fingers against his warm front from his shoulders to his waist and he shivered. I laughed, not realizing I had such an effect on him. He reached for his bottle of rum off the floor while he was still sitting up and almost drained it before offering what remained to me. I shook my head.
"I want to be coherent." I said. He looked at me for a moment.
"youwannabewhatnow?" he slurred. I shook my head.
"doesn’t matter," I whispered, pulling him back down over me. minutes passed and his hand found the hem of my shirt. I gasped at the sensation of cold fingers against the skin of my stomach, and bumps raised on my skin as he traced circles on my sides. I closed my eyes and wondered how long this would last, how long before he was finished with me, after he'd gotten what he wanted. I wondered what he would do after I'd given myself up. he'll probably forget it ever happened. we'll just go back to sailing and being jack and Elizabeth. then maybe the compass will point me to will. Oh dear lord, WILL! "will." I whispered.
"what was that?" said Jack. My eyes snapped open as the liquor cleared out of my mind long enough to realize exactly what was happening. I gasped and without even realizing how hard I pushed, placed my palms on Jack's shoulders and shoved him off of me, rolling out from under him. He yelled as he hit the floor and rolled a few feet. "what in hell...?" he asked, staring at me. I shook my head and pulled my knees to my chest, leaning against the wall.
"I can't...I...I...Will!" I stuttered, a lump rising in my throat. Jack groaned as a mixture of fury and frustration came over his face and he stood up. "Jack..."
"Stop."
"Jack!"
"just stop!" he yelled, grabbing his shirt off of the floor and throwing it on (backwards). He started to make his way towards the door, but stopped at his map table, picking up the compass. He turned and hurled it at me. I screamed and covered my head as it whizzed by me and hit the wall, landing on the bed by my leg. "what does it say now, eh?" he yelled before wrenching open the door and walking out into the rain, slamming it behind him. I caught my breath and slowly picked up the compass. I closed my eyes and opened it. When I opened my eyes, the needle was repeating it's previous motion of slowly spinning in a circle.
"oh...bugger!" I shouted before leaping off of the bed and running outside. I looked around the deck and found that jack had taken refuge underneath the stairs. I had to yell over the storm for him to hear me.
"Jack!" I called. he looked over his shoulder at me, but only for a second.
"go back inside Elizabeth, no sense in you getting soaking wet."
"Jack stop being so bloody foolish."
"besides," he continued "it's not entirely proper for you to be sleeping with members of the crew," he said, mimicking my words from earlier.
"Jack come on you're going to freeze to death out here!"
"absolutely not miss swan! it's going to take a night of persuading and a lot more rum to get me back in that room with you."
"well that's just..." I stopped. idea. "Fine. But you should know that every last individual bottle of rum is sitting in the cabin, which is where I'll be. Goodnight Captain Sparrow," I yelled. I turned and walked back into the cabin, shaking my arms and legs to get excess water off. I flopped down into Jack's bed, facing the wall. I closed my eyes and started an attempt at sleeping, letting the motion of the ship lull me. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes before I heard the door open and jack walk in.
"Elizabeth?" he asked. I shut my eyes. "Elizabeth are you awake?" I didn’t respond. I felt him sit down next to me. "Suppose you won't mind me then."
no, I wont mind at all.
I felt him lay down, his face very close to my head. I could feel his breath in my hair. Then he started to whisper.
"I'm sorry," he started. "I should have stopped you. I saw this coming. I told you I couldn’t do this..." he trailed off into a yawn. I almost yawned too, before realizing I was supposed to be asleep. I gave it a few minutes, and when I felt his breathing slow and even and I knew he was asleep, I replied.
"And I told you that someday you would do the right thing."
we both had.