Distance

“I’m just saying, if you ever feel up to it, I’d be more than happy to help you with some training. I know you’re probably busy with school and all that, but Rob is gone so often that you must get bored sometimes. You could be a whole new woman by the time he comes home.”

I bit down awkwardly into a candy-coated chocolate. “I am genuinely afraid to take you up on that offer,” I said to Brendan with a grin. “I do cardio. I don’t really do the whole bodybuilding thing.”

He nodded his head thoughtfully, though his eyes flickered momentarily to the candy in my hand. He seemed to be trying to conceal his judgement. “All I’m saying is that the offer stands. Free of charge, of course.”

“She’s fine, Brendan,” Robert walked back into the kitchen. He leaned against the countertop next to me, reaching behind my back to retrieve a handful of candy from the bowl that his mother had set out earlier. “I like her this way. Just because you want to look like the Hulk, it doesn’t mean that everyone else has to.”

I pressed my lips together tightly to stop myself from laughing. “Oh come on, it was a nice offer. And I’d like to hang out with you and get to know you better, Brendan. If that means that I need to start doing some weight training, maybe I’ll have to give it a shot.”

Robert and I had been at his parents’ house for several days. His sister had gone home two days before, and his brother was preparing to leave that evening. Everyone had lives that they needed to get back to. Even I had already skipped my first day of second semester in order to stay longer. Robert had given up trying to talk me out of such things, and had simply resolved to force me to return to Dublin the following day.

I had really grown to like Robert’s family. They were kind and inviting, and everyone seemed to accept me as one of their own. I was completely comfortable here.

Robert had toured me around the area, showing me the neighbourhood he grew up in. Despite how well I had thought I’d known him already, I felt as if I was seeing an entirely new side of him. For some reason, I’d always felt that anyone could be better understood if you simply walked through the places they’d enjoyed as a child. For Rob, it had been a park behind a school that was near his house. His favourite part had been the swings. It was something that the two of us had in common.

It was clear from Robert’s bedroom that he hadn’t actually lived in this house for many years. The room had been stripped of all of his belongings, but his mother had placed a few framed photographs on the surfaces of the dresser and desk. In the pictures, various stages of Robert’s life were represented. Every time I walked in there, I had to stop and smile at how adorable he’d been as a child. It appeared that not much had changed.

“When do you have to go back to London?” I asked as Robert and I crawled beneath the bed sheets later on that night.

“A couple of days,” he replied, settling himself back against the pillows.

“Can I stay with you until you go?”

He rolled onto his side so that he could see me better. “Let me guess: you’re afraid for this vacation to end because you’re so madly in love with me that you can’t bear the thought of me leaving so you’re cramming in as much time with me as possible.”

I grinned in appreciation. “I was leaning more toward the fact that my roommates are going to maul me for information on my holiday. But I like your explanation more.” I scooched across the mattress, wrapping my arms around his midriff and snuggling up against his chest. “I really will miss this. I guess I got a little bit too used to it over the past couple of weeks.”

“You and me both,” he said as he rested his chin atop my head. “Of course you can stay with me. If it were possible, I would stay in Dublin for the whole semester. But I’ve got to try and get some more work lined up. You know how it is.”

“I guess so. I mean, how can you afford to follow me back to Canada next time my parents surprise me with a trip if you aren’t generating any income?”

Robert laughed, and vibrations shot through his chest. The sensation was pleasant against my face. “That’s one way of looking at it, I suppose.”

The next morning, we packed up our things and left well before noon. I hated to say goodbye, but his parents made sure to tell me to come back anytime. I hoped that I would get the chance to see them again before I finished the semester and had to go home.

Robert drove us out of the small town and back to Dublin. I stared out the window as the countryside flew past. Life was quiet out here, and a part of me mourned the fact that we were returning to the city. We were returning to real life. This dream was coming to an end.

I booted up Robert’s computer as soon as we got to his apartment. He left me to have a video chat with my parents while he went to the grocery store. I knew that, had I not been here, he likely would have lived on takeout food until he went back to London. Hell, if it wasn’t for me, he probably would have gone straight there today.

I signed in to my account and double-clicked on my mother’s username. It only took a moment for her to answer the call.

“Maggie, sweetheart,” she said hurriedly, adjusting her blazer as she sat down in front of the computer. “I’m just about to leave for work. What is it? Is everything alright?”

I glanced at the clock. “Oh, sorry, I forgot what time it was. Both here and there, apparently. I just wanted to let you know that I’m back in Dublin now.”

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “You are?”

I nodded my head. “Yeah.”

“Then why aren’t you home?”

I laughed awkwardly, realizing that she could very clearly see Robert’s living room behind me. “After school today I came over to Rob’s,” I lied. “He’s not leaving for London for another two days, so I’m trying to make the most of it.”

Mom pursed her thin lips, exacerbating the appearance of the lines that had formed around them. “I like Robbie, but I’m a little worried about you.”

I inspected my wrist as if I were staring at a watch that wasn’t there. “Oh, look at that, you’d better get to work. I’ll talk to you later.”

She glanced at the clock on the wall behind her. “Crap. When he leaves for London, we’ll talk about this.”

I nodded. “Yeah, okay. Have fun at work.” I disconnected the call. I had anticipated that it would take a lot longer to end our discussion, so I found that I was facing some time alone before Robert came back.

I checked my email, sorting through the junk and the notices about tuition deadlines and such. When I saw that I had a new message from Kellan, I hesitated. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to read it while I was here with Robert. And yet, my curiosity would eat at me until I knew what it said. I let out a sigh as I opened the email.

Hey Maggie,

I haven’t heard from you in awhile. I’m starting to wonder if you even got my last message. Just let me know that you’re alive, okay?

I’m starting to get packed up to head home. It’s going to be really weird without you there. I hope you’re having fun. I can’t wait to tell you all my new drinking stories. But hey, you’re the one in Ireland, I’m sure you’ve got a few new good ones to share.

Can’t wait to hear from you.

Kellan

I read the message slowly. Had I really forgotten to reply to his last message? I had been on the phone with Robert when I’d received it, so I probably hadn’t really been in the right state of mind to type out a response. I knew that I couldn’t just ignore this problem and hope that it would go away, no matter how appealing that option sounded.

I took a deep breath and set about the task of writing him back.

Hey Kellan,

I’m so sorry I didn’t reply last time. I’ve been busy, and it totally slipped my mind. I went home for Christmas, and I have to say, it was really strange to be there without you. So good luck living there until I get back.

We really have a lot to talk about when we do get to see each other. I’ve got a ton of stories. I wish I could tell you everything in this email, but there’s just too much.

And some of it needs to be said in person.

Talk to you soon,

Maggie

I knew that I was probably just making it worse by not telling him straight out. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it through email. I needed to be able to look him in the eyes when I said that I was in love with someone else, and was likely moving away for good. It was going to be hard, but it was the right way to deal with the issue. Besides, he might have found someone, too. Even if he hadn’t dated, I would have bet almost anything that he had slept with someone. Not that there was anything wrong with that, since we hadn’t been committed, but still. It somehow made what I had done feel more justifiable.

The apartment door opened, and I hurriedly logged out of my email. In that moment, as I ensured that Robert couldn’t look over my shoulder and see my exchange with Kellan, I realized that he deserved to know, too. In fact, I probably owed the truth to him more. He was, after all, the one who I was in a relationship with. He wasn’t the one who had left me.

I stood up from the desk in the corner of the living room and crossed to the kitchen, where Robert was putting the groceries he’d purchased in their proper places. I grabbed a carton of milk from the plastic grocery bag and put it in the fridge.

“Can we talk?” The words came out so quiet and timid that I was afraid he hadn’t heard them. If that was the case, I didn’t know that I would be able to work up the courage to repeat them again for the rest of the day.

He turned to me, his eyebrows immediately pulling together over his eyebrows. “When you say that, I get worried. What is it? Has something happened with your family? Did they admit to you that they were acting and they really don’t like me at all and they want you to break up with me?” The corner of his lips twitched as he fought back a smile. While I appreciated that he was in a joking mood, I wasn’t able to return the gesture.

“No, it’s not that. Mom didn’t really have time to talk. She was just about to leave for work when I called. This is something else.” I paused to inhale, drawing air in slowly through my nose as if it contained the bravery that I so desperately needed.

Robert noticed that I wasn’t able to find humour in whatever I was about to say, and he immediately appeared concerned. “Are you alright?”

I nodded, hoping that I could reassure him a little. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just haven’t been totally honest with you, that’s all. And I really feel like I need to be.”

A good deal of colour drained from his complexion. “What haven’t you told me?”

I stepped back out of the kitchen, sitting at the table. He joined me. He waited wordlessly, though I could feel his anxiety from across the table.

“Remember how I told you about my best friend? The one who left for a year to go to Australia, and the one who gave me the sweat pants that don’t fit me but I wear them anyway?”

Robert nodded. “Yes.”

“Remember how you got mistaken for someone when we took Jax to the dog park that day?” I continued.

“Yes,” he answered.

“I imagine that by now you’ve pieced together that all of these pointless questions contain references to the same person,” I presumed. His responding nod was so faint that he barely moved. “Okay, well, I’d like to start off by reminding you that I told you I never dated him, or even had sex with him. That was true. But I didn’t tell you that I was in love with him.”

“Was?” Robert checked, raising his eyebrows.

I managed a tiny smile. “Yes, I intentionally used the past tense there. When he left, he told me that he was going to wait for me so that when he came home we would finally start dating. I didn’t tell you because, honestly, until recently I didn’t think that we’d be able to make this work. I feel differently now.”

“So,” he stopped, looking confused. “What happens when you go home and he’s there?”

I frowned. “Well, obviously I’m going to tell him about you. I haven’t yet because I feel that it’s something I need to say face to face. But I wanted to be honest with you. I wanted you to know everything. I really do love you, Robert. I just wasn’t expecting all of this to happen while I was living here. I was expecting to make a few friends, and then go home and be with him. But that’s not what I want anymore.”

He let out all of the air that he had apparently been holding in his lungs. When he looked over at me, he appeared to be relieved. “That’s it? You got me all worked up because some guy back home wants to date you?”

I couldn’t hide my surprise at his easygoing attitude. “Well, yeah. I mean, I loved him at one point. I didn’t want to hide it from you or let you think that I was going to go home and fall for him again.”

“Maggie,” there was an almost sympathetic note in his voice. “You’ve already told me that you want to move here permanently. If I get jealous over someone who lives on the other side of the world, how would I ever be okay with you having friends? Honestly, you’re worried over nothing. If I’m not upset that you text Ben behind my back, I’m not going to be upset that you wanted to date someone else before you even met me.”

I felt as if a world of stress was melting away. Of course, he was taking this in perfect stride. That had been one of the reasons I’d fallen for him in the first place. “For the record, I didn’t think I was texting Ben behind your back,” I smiled. “I was pretty sure that you knew about it. And even if you didn’t, it’s not like I’d run off with him. His girlfriend would murder me.”

“I guess I’d know who to point out when the police came looking,” he laughed.

I got up from my chair and walked around the table, settling into his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck. “Thank you for being so understanding about all of this.”

He shrugged as if it were no big deal. “You told me, that’s the main thing here. If you kept it a secret, I might have had something to be concerned about. But you didn’t. So it’s fine.”

“Oh,” I held up a finger, as if he had just reminded me of something I’d forgotten. “And my mother seems to be very suspicious about the fact that I am currently in your apartment and not my own. She made me promise that when you leave I’ll make time to talk to her about it. So maybe then she’ll tell me that they secretly hated you and want me to leave you.”

“So I shouldn’t get too comfortable, then?” he grinned.

“Oh no, you’ve got nothing to worry about. I’m not too old to date someone specifically to piss my parents off.”

Robert kissed me, and I pressed myself up against him. I felt like I must have been a saint or something in a past life. Surely, my current karma score wasn’t good enough to deserve someone like Robert in my life at all, let alone to have him actually love me. But now, not only did I feel better about myself for having come clean, I also felt better about how the two of us would be able to deal with potentially stressful situations in the future. The time that we would inevitably have to spend apart when I returned home would be easier knowing that we both trusted one another.

“Shall we take this to the bedroom?” he asked, his eyes twinkling.

“You think you’re going to get lucky?”

His expression faded to one of the utmost seriousness. “Maggie, we’ve spent the past few weeks in our parents’ houses. This is getting to be a dire situation.”

I laughed loudly. “Alright, you’ve got a point. Let’s go.”