Distance

“I did?” Robert sounded somewhat smug.

I nodded, still in shock. The now-crumbling stone structure in front of me was one that I was familiar with. I had seen it in countless black-and-white photographs throughout my life. It was now dilapidated and falling in on itself; the yard was overgrown with unmowed grass and climbing weeds. I took a deep breath. “How did you find it?”

He looked mildly abashed, as if he didn’t want to take any credit. “You probably thought that I wasn’t really paying attention that first night in the pub, but I was. You told me your grandfather’s name, and the county that he was from. I wanted to find this place before I left for London, but some of my contacts just called me back this week about it. From what I could tell, this was the address where your grandfather was born.”

I took a few hesitant steps toward the building, then turned back to look at Robert. He was giving me an expectant, encouraging stare. I was nervous. “Is it safe?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “It looks like no one has lived here since your family left. I’m surprised it’s still standing, to be honest. I’d have expected whoever bought the place to knock it down and use it for farmland.”

I reached out for his hand, and he indulged me. “I never thought I would ever see this place with my own eyes,” I murmured. “Thank you so much.”

He walked with me silently, almost as if he were afraid to speak and ruin the moment. There was something so surreal about this moment, about this place. This was the kind of thing that happened in movies, not in real life. I approached the front door and found, with very little surprise, that it was locked. Robert released my hand, as if he had anticipated my next move. I darted around the imposing building, looking for a second entrance. Several of the glass panes in the windows had long since broken and fallen away, leaving gaping, empty eyes behind. The back door was hanging from the top hinge, ready to peel away from the building completely at any time. Carefully, I propped it up in the frame and pushed it inside. The air in the old house was cool and damp. I stepped forward, and I could hear Robert enter quietly behind me.

A shiver of silent uneasiness shot up my spine. The interior of the house didn’t look any better than the outer walls had. From in here, the missing windows looked almost sad as they peered out at the living landscape beyond. A rat darted out from a nearby doorway and skittered across the stone floor, disappearing further into the house. I shuddered visibly then; rats just weren’t something that I was used to. It was a perk to growing up in Alberta, where somehow rats were an unheard of pest.

I stopped walking, staring at the mess of old draperies that clung desperately to the windows with spindly fibres that appeared ready to snap at any moment. I wondered what this house had looked like when my grandfather had lived there. He was the youngest of a handful of kids; where had they played? Which room had been his? There was so much I was dying to know.

There was a staircase directly across from us, and I set off toward it. Several of the steps were missing large chunks, and fragments of stone littered the pathway up to the second floor. I stared for a long moment, debating whether or not I should ascend. They didn’t look particularly sturdy, but the fact that they were still in one piece after generations of neglect was reassuring.

I was halfway up before I really realized that I was moving. I looked back to see Robert staying a safe distance back. “You aren’t coming?” I asked.

He blinked at me as if I was certifiably insane. His face was paler than I’d ever seen it. “You are?”

“When will I ever get the chance again?” I carried on alone. I had to admit that I was uncertain about leaving him alone downstairs. If the house collapsed, I would never forgive myself if he got hurt. Regardless, I stepped carefully around some fallen debris under a large hole in the roof.

I didn’t know why I was so drawn to searching this place. There was nothing that really tied me here. Even my grandfather hardly remembered anything about it. All he’d had were the pictures. He’d been an infant when his parents had packed up and headed to Canada. Now that he was in his nineties, he recalled even less.

I sat down in the smallest bedroom, gazing out of the window. It overlooked the front lawn, and Robbie’s car looked so out of place amidst the unkempt property. I would never have been able to explain why, but I felt an overwhelming sense of loss as I sat there alone. I felt that I had missed out on so much somehow. I was twenty-two, and it was my first time ever being introduced to this piece of my family’s history. And, on top of it all, I’d been brought here by someone who cared for me for reasons beyond my understanding. I felt like I was missing out by not bringing my family with me. My dad would have loved this place.

I gathered myself up, then resumed my tour. I paused now and then to take a picture with my phone. It made me feel a bit better to know that I could email them to my parents. There were still ways to make it seem like they were sharing this experience with me. I returned to the main floor, and Robert was visibly relieved to see me in one piece. I felt the same way about him.

“You aren’t going to go down into the cellar, are you?” he asked, his eyes wary.

I shook my head, smiling. “No, you don’t have to worry. Just let me get a couple of pictures here, and then we’ll go back outside.”

He stepped aside and gave me room. A moment later, he was following me back out onto the lawn. I heard him sigh, as if our return to the daylight were a blessing. I snapped several photos of the exterior while Robert wandered around in the tall, wild grass. I paused to take a picture of him. The grass swelled up around him, his fingertips grazed the tips of the stalks. He wasn’t looking at me, and it made for a beautiful picture. I smiled to myself, knowing that I wasn’t going to put it up on Facebook for people to steal it and post it all over the internet. This picture was just for me.

I crossed the lawn and joined him, letting my watery smile take over. “Thank you, Robert. You really have no idea how amazing this was.”

He waved me off as if it had been nothing. “I knew that you really wanted to see where you came from. I’m happy to help.”

I shook my head. “Don’t belittle this. No one has ever done anything like this for me. It means a lot.”

Robert really looked at me then, his light eyes searching my own. I didn’t know if I’d ever seen him look this serious. “In that case, it was my pleasure.”

“Come here,” I directed. He came closer, and I paused to take a picture of the two of us together, with the crumbling house visible behind our backs. After deeming that the picture was good, I turned and kissed Robert. I didn’t know if he would ever really understand how grateful I was.

We wasted about another hour just walking around the area. When our stomachs began to grumble and we knew that we should leave, we chose to drive around the country roads for awhile. I wasn’t ready to leave this place.

As Robert drove us back toward the small town so we could find a place to eat, I sent the photo of the two of us to Breanne.

He took me to the place where my grandpa was born. If this is a dream, please never let me wake up.

A moment later, I got her reply.

That’s sweet and all, but I am totally cutting you out of that picture and pasting myself into it.

I fought back a snort, then tucked my phone back into my pocket. I really should have expected something like that from her. I turned my attention to the scene flying by outside of the window, smiling at the way that my morning had gone. There was literally nowhere else in the world that I would have rather been.

Soon, we were sitting in a vinyl booth in a diner. Now that the excitement of my surprise had passed, it was painfully clear to me that I’d skipped my morning coffee. I ordered one as soon as a waitress appeared, not even giving her the chance to ask what I wanted. Robert chuckled at me, shaking his head. He was always so polite; sometimes it made me feel as though my behaviour was inappropriate.

“Are you going through caffeine withdrawals or something?”

“If you must know, yes,” I answered as I played with a creamer packet on the tabletop. “I really like my coffee. Is that a crime?”

“Not at all.”

“Good.” I batted the creamer over to him. “I mean, I’m not saying that you have to buy a coffee pot or anything. Tea is just as good when I’m at your place.”

He tossed the small plastic container up in the air a few times, catching it effortlessly. “I don’t know if I mentioned it before or not, but this movie that I’m doing has a rather short shooting schedule. I should be done in four or five more weeks. I’m thinking that I’ll just take an extra long Christmas break this year. I don’t have any more projects on the immediate horizon. What would it hurt to just spend some extra time with you?”

I chewed on my bottom lip. “I don’t see anything wrong with that. In fact, it seems perfectly acceptable.”

I had been anxious about the prospect of the holidays. I was going to be stuck in my dorm room all alone while my roommates went home and enjoyed the company of their families. The idea that Robert would be around to talk to made me feel significantly less worried.

We finished our meal and headed back into the car. Robert started the engine, but he sat in silence and let it idle for a long moment. He seemed to be deep in thought. I opened my mouth to ask what he was thinking so hard about, but for some reason I felt that I should leave him be. I clasped my hands in my lap and looked down at the state of disrepair that my cuticles had fallen into.

“What if… what if we don’t go back to Dublin just yet?”

I raised my eyebrows, genuinely confused by his question. “Where else would we go?”

He faced me, his eyes glittering excitedly. “Does it matter? We could just stay here, if you want. It’s just so peaceful here.”

I shrugged my shoulders, but a smile was tugging at my lips. He was making this sound like some insane adventure, when really it didn’t seem to be all that outrageous to me. “Yeah, sure. It’s nice to get out of the city every now and then.”

“We could go back to your grandfather’s house,” he continued, seeming to gain even more enthusiasm when I didn’t immediately argue. “Maybe we could buy a couple of sleeping bags and camp out.”

I couldn’t hide my sudden uneasiness. “I like to watch horror movies. I do not like to live them. We would probably die out there. What about that cheap motel we stayed in last night?”

His face fell ever so slightly. “I thought you were the kind of person who was up for spontaneous things like this. You told me before that you used to go camping as a kid all the time.”

I nodded my head, though I was certain I still looked stunned by what he was saying. “Yeah, I did. In a tent. Not in a broken down house where any kind of animal could possibly come in and eat me. And I know there are rats there; I saw one with my own eyes. That’s something I’ve never had to deal with. Gross. And as for being spontaneous, I’m all about that. Let’s go get regretful tattoos or go find a lake and dive in. But I really am not a fan of sleeping in a house that’s on the verge of collapse and is filled with rodents and monsters and serial killers. I choose life, Robert.”

He seemed to ponder my rant for a bit, tapping his chin and frowning thoughtfully. “I haven’t got any tattoos.”

“I know. I do, though.”

Robert glanced over at me, his eyes overconfident and full of knowledge that I just wasn’t certain that he possessed. “I’ve seen it.”

I tried not to laugh. “It? I’ve got two.”

“No you don’t,” he said, that confidence still dripping from his features.

“Yes, I do.” To prove my point, I pulled my tee down off of my shoulder.

“I’ve seen that one,” he said, unfazed. “I like the Alice in Wonderland reference, by the way.”

I smiled. The Cheshire Cat had been my favourite character, and I’d gotten the phrase “we’re all mad here” inked into my skin. Determined to prove my point, I began unbuttoning the fly of my jeans.

“Okay, now I know you’re lying. I would have noticed a tattoo down there for sure,” Robbie sounded absolutely determined that he was right.

“Obviously you didn’t look close enough.” I pulled down my pants just far enough that the white-ink tattoo on my hip was visible above the denim. This one had no symbolic meaning whatsoever. It had been a rash, impulsive decision after one too many drinks in my freshman year. I’d just liked the way that the star had looked.

“Oh, come on!” Robert sounded as if the existence of this second tattoo was a personal affront to him. “That doesn’t even count, it just looks like a scar!”

I grinned triumphantly. “It’s a tattoo. I win.”

“Okay, fine, you’ve got two of them. What does that prove? You’re still afraid to sleep in an old house.”

“Yes, I definitely am. I know you’re trying to make it sound like I’m a big pansy so that I feel bad about myself and give in, but it won’t work. I am way better at that tactic than you will ever hope to be.”

He smirked. “So it’s back to the shitty motel room, then?”

I paused to think as Robert put the car into reverse and backed out of the parking stall. “What’s the rush? It’s early. Let’s check out the rest of this town. There’s got to be a pub somewhere.”

“It’s one in the afternoon.”

“I don’t see your point.”

Robert laughed as he pulled the car into the street. “To the pub we go.”