We All Fall Down

He sang the song so gracefully, all I wanted to do was run back into his arms and wish for everything to go back to normal, but I knew it was too good to be true. The words he sang stung my heart so terribly, this was my fault. I did this to him, to all of them. ”The neighbors said she moved away, funny how it rained all day. I didn’t think much of it then but it’s starting to all make sense…” his voice screamed as I watched his tears fall down. When he finished the verse he turned around to let the woman sing her part. It killed me to hear the pain in his voice. Why did I even come here?

I quickly started to work my way out of the crowd, and finally reached the exit, but he started to sing again. Strumming quietly and singing the same pained voice, I turned to take a quick glance at him. He was looking down at the microphone but right as he looked up I could have sworn we met eyes. His body rose up a little bit and his eyes narrowed as he finished up the song but right as he began to take off his guitar I bolted through the exit. This was a stupid idea, who in their right mind comes to their ex-boyfriends concert two years after they leave them with no word in between?

“Lucy..?” I heard from behind me, and as I turned to see the face I thought I would, I was shocked to see someone else.

“Matt… hi, look I”- he cut me off immediately, anger drawn clear as day, “You need to get out of here, you can’t be here.”

“I was just leaving, I’m sorry I know I shouldn’t have come.”

“It shouldn’t have been an option in the first place, you’re the one that left us, remember? We are all trying to move on and you trying to inch your way back into our lives isn’t going to happen. I won’t let it happen.” He yelled, and I was afraid he was going to draw attention.

I sighed, tears brimming at my eyes, “No worries, Matt, I was just leaving. I had no plans of staying and I had no plans of running into any of you. I promise I won’t show up again.” Before he could say anything else I was out the next door and finally outside. The cool fall breeze hit me quickly and I was thankful for the fresh air. I walked quickly to my car and sat there for a while to think. Never had I thought I would bring myself back to them, but somehow today's course had lead me to them. Eventually I gained the nerve to drive home, cautious of what I would come home too, but I knew that this was the end of it. After tonight, I would be moving back to Baltimore for good.

I closed the front door, and threw my keys in the bowl, and turned on the foyer light. When I started to take off my shoes, his voice rang, “I thought you weren’t going to go.”

I jumped placing my hand over my heart seeing him sitting on the couch of our apartment, “Holy shit, Jason, could you have not scared me?” I ignored his statement, hoping this would end.

“I’m sorry, just still upset. You left out of the blue without figuring all this out and stormed out screaming you weren’t going to your ex’s show, but you went anyway. Didn’t you?”

I sighed, “Of course I did, and you want to know something?”

“What?” he looked away in defeat, I knew this was all because he thinks I’m still hung up on him. He thinks that’s why I transferred my job all the way to Baltimore. He thinks Alex is the only person on my mind 24/7 ever since the moment I left.

“I realized when I was there, that it was a mistake. But I am glad that I went so I could get closure. I was the one that left them, and I hurt them, Jason. I needed to move on from my own pain to know that they are happy from everything I did to hurt them.”

“So it’s over then? You’re done chasing after a long lost lover, so can we please stay here and not move to Baltimore?” he begged.

I shook my head, “You know the move isn’t about them. I want to be closer to my aunt. Especially since she finally married such a wonderful man and out of her old house. She’s more in the city, that’s not anywhere near them, I promise. Our apartment will be a perfect view of the Inner Harbor and down the street from some amazing restaurants.”

“Lucy, you know I hate that we’re moving. Chicago has been my home for years, I wanted to raise a family here and grow old here. It’s going to be tough, you know that.”

I nodded, “I know it will, but it’s only going to be for a couple of years and then we’ll move on to our next journey. I promise you.”

He pulled me onto his lap and held me close, I met Jason a year ago and we hit it off very quickly. He was the complete opposite of Alex and I somehow did fall in love with him. He is compassionate about art and architecture (which is why he loves Chicago so much), he has so much to offer through his education, his work ethics, his everything. He is definitely not Alex. Jason went to college and bust his butt off to get the things he wanted. His dreams of building art and communities to help people in need. It’s what opened my heart up to him. He drew me in with that spark he had and I just always stuck by him since that day.

Jason gently kissed my shoulder while he wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “You know I love you so much, Lucy. I just don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either. You know that I love you.”

“So you promise this move has nothing to do with him?” he asked, pulling us apart to look directly in my eyes. I kept looking at him, wishing I could look away, but I knew it would break his heart. I smiled and kissed him on the lips and pulled back to look him in the eye again, “This move has nothing to do with him. I promise.” And although I believed what I had said just now, I wouldn’t believe it later on.