Sequel: Thorn of a Rose ›
Love Will Tear Us Apart
chapter 020
The next day Gerard was told that the Rose was fine and could go home. Holding her for the first time was a little bittersweet. She was so tiny, so fragile, and so beautiful she was unmistakably Kayla’s baby. However, at the same time Gerard was so afraid. How was he ever going to raise her right without Kayla? This girl was going to come out as the biggest tomboy ever, raised by five guys. No way was this going to work. But what choice did he have? He walked with Rose and the guys back out to the bus. Gerard placed her gently in Mikey’s arms so he could climb up into his bunk. Mikey handed Rose up to him and he sat with her. He shifted around then heard a crunch, a crackle, like paper. He set Rose gently down and reached under him to pull out the folded paper he had sat on. He opened it and tears fell as he recognized Kayla’s handwriting.
Dear Gee,
I know you probably...well...definitely will hate me for this. I hope you understand that you were too happy about the baby for me to put this burden on you too. Gee, one day back when I was three months pregnant I went to a clinic to check the baby without telling you. They told me that the baby’s legs were tangled up, but it might fix itself, nothing to worry about. That’s why I didn’t bother telling you. I didn’t want you worried over what might be nothing. But when we went when I was six months along...oh Gee I’m so sorry. When she sent you out of the room the doctor told me that the baby had moved and was in a perfectly healthy position, for her. The baby had damaged my body instead of its own. The doctor told me that if I had the baby there was a chance I would die. A good chance too. Then she told me that we could abort the baby and have surgery to fix me and I would be fine. I thought about that, and then remembered how happy you are about the baby. How can I take that away from you? Gee, there’s a chance of me dying but there’s a chance of me living. If I am meant to die to give this baby a life then I will. If we are meant to be together forever then we will be. We will be. I will admit I’m a little afraid. I don’t really want to die, but I know that if I’m meant to I have to. Just know that I love you Gerard Way. Just know that okay? If you don’t take me out of that hospital, take your knowledge of my love. Wow, my stomach really hurts. Baby doesn’t want me getting all mushy on you now. We have a hardcore baby Gee! You are going to make a great father. Never forget you are a great father okay Gee? Well I’m going to stop writing now, my stomach’s really starting to hurt.
I love you,
Kayla
It was raining. Of course, it was raining; it was a funeral it should be raining. Thought Gerard. He stood outside the door of the church, arms crossed, leaning against the wall with Rose in his arms. He nodded to people as they entered the church for the service. Kayla’s coffin lay open in the front of the church, she looked very peaceful, but Gerard was avoiding her body, not sure if he would be able to take it. Then, out of nowhere, Kayla’s parents walked up the stairs. Of course, he had called them to tell them their daughter had died, but he did not tell them about the funeral. Mikey. He thought to himself. That righteous do gooder Mikey. He called them. Thought Gerard. He wanted to jump in front of them and bar their path, but then realized that their daughter was in there, and he couldn’t stop them as they went through the door. They stopped and looked at him tentatively. He just stood there, back against the open door, holding the sleeping baby, staring stone-faced at them. Once they realized he had nothing to say, Mr. and Mrs. Rogers went through the doors and took a seat near the back. Once everyone came inside Gerard went in, pulling the doors closed behind him. He walked in total silence up the isle and handed the baby gently over to Frank. He went up the few steps and took his place behind the pulpit. He surveyed the crowd of black clad friends and family members, some crying some just sitting there staring at him or the coffin. He himself looked at Kayla’s body for a second, but then closed his eyes and turned away, to keep himself from crying before he absolutely had to.
“Well, thanks everyone for coming I guess.” he said, unsure of what else to tell them. Everyone said he should have written down some thoughts but he knew he just had to speak from his heart. “Kayla would have appreciated knowing she had this many people who loved her. Wow, would have. As in, she doesn’t now. It’s really still hitting me that she’s gone you know? She was so perfect and I loved her so much it seemed like the world wouldn’t be right if she wasn’t there. Kayla was one of those people who was going to change the world. She wasn’t supposed to get taken away this early. Our karma must really suck to have lost her. But, Rose...Rose is the perfect baby to me. She doesn’t cry in the night, she eats everything and doesn’t spit anything out. She’s as perfect as Kayla was. I told Rose back when we were still in the hospital that if she’s going to be like anyone in this life it’s her mother. I guess she heard me right? She sacrificed her own life to bring Rose to me, I still don’t quite grasp why, but she did. She thought the baby could make me happier than she could. I really wonder where she got that idea. But she was always putting me and the guys first. She listened before she talked, she gave the seconds before she took firsts, and she was always satisfied with what wasn’t even close to enough. Then she goes and marries me! She married me. Can you believe that? I don’t even compare to her in anything. Well, no, I beat her in one thing. She may have loved me with all her heart and I believe she did...does...but I loved her more. No matter what I loved her more. More than anyone in this room. I am never going to be able to move on. She actually told me to move on can you believe that? She told me to keep singing, get a new girlfriend, the works. She didn’t want to leave a scar. That’s how much she cared. I swear if you slit her throat, she would use her last breath to apologize for dripping blood on the floor for you to clean up. I guess I don’t have a whole lot else to say...” he looked around at the people, disappointed in himself. He was out of words and he had not nearly done his wife justice. Suddenly he remembered what he had wanted to do. He walked down to her coffin and pulled a folded piece of notebook paper out of his back pocket. On it, he had written the lyrics to “Demolition Lovers”. Then he tentatively reached down with the paper and placed it open on her chest. Then he reached down and followed her arm down to her hand, which he lifted, and found what he was looking for. Yes, the wedding ring was still on her finger. He gently set her hand down over the paper on her chest.
“Just checking,” he said. He wanted Kayla buried with her ring, and he wanted to be buried with his. No one freaked when he touched Kayla’s corpse. He thought someone would, but he guessed they all understood. He went back to Frank and took Rose from his arms. This little piece of Kayla still here with him.
Dear Gee,
I know you probably...well...definitely will hate me for this. I hope you understand that you were too happy about the baby for me to put this burden on you too. Gee, one day back when I was three months pregnant I went to a clinic to check the baby without telling you. They told me that the baby’s legs were tangled up, but it might fix itself, nothing to worry about. That’s why I didn’t bother telling you. I didn’t want you worried over what might be nothing. But when we went when I was six months along...oh Gee I’m so sorry. When she sent you out of the room the doctor told me that the baby had moved and was in a perfectly healthy position, for her. The baby had damaged my body instead of its own. The doctor told me that if I had the baby there was a chance I would die. A good chance too. Then she told me that we could abort the baby and have surgery to fix me and I would be fine. I thought about that, and then remembered how happy you are about the baby. How can I take that away from you? Gee, there’s a chance of me dying but there’s a chance of me living. If I am meant to die to give this baby a life then I will. If we are meant to be together forever then we will be. We will be. I will admit I’m a little afraid. I don’t really want to die, but I know that if I’m meant to I have to. Just know that I love you Gerard Way. Just know that okay? If you don’t take me out of that hospital, take your knowledge of my love. Wow, my stomach really hurts. Baby doesn’t want me getting all mushy on you now. We have a hardcore baby Gee! You are going to make a great father. Never forget you are a great father okay Gee? Well I’m going to stop writing now, my stomach’s really starting to hurt.
I love you,
Kayla
It was raining. Of course, it was raining; it was a funeral it should be raining. Thought Gerard. He stood outside the door of the church, arms crossed, leaning against the wall with Rose in his arms. He nodded to people as they entered the church for the service. Kayla’s coffin lay open in the front of the church, she looked very peaceful, but Gerard was avoiding her body, not sure if he would be able to take it. Then, out of nowhere, Kayla’s parents walked up the stairs. Of course, he had called them to tell them their daughter had died, but he did not tell them about the funeral. Mikey. He thought to himself. That righteous do gooder Mikey. He called them. Thought Gerard. He wanted to jump in front of them and bar their path, but then realized that their daughter was in there, and he couldn’t stop them as they went through the door. They stopped and looked at him tentatively. He just stood there, back against the open door, holding the sleeping baby, staring stone-faced at them. Once they realized he had nothing to say, Mr. and Mrs. Rogers went through the doors and took a seat near the back. Once everyone came inside Gerard went in, pulling the doors closed behind him. He walked in total silence up the isle and handed the baby gently over to Frank. He went up the few steps and took his place behind the pulpit. He surveyed the crowd of black clad friends and family members, some crying some just sitting there staring at him or the coffin. He himself looked at Kayla’s body for a second, but then closed his eyes and turned away, to keep himself from crying before he absolutely had to.
“Well, thanks everyone for coming I guess.” he said, unsure of what else to tell them. Everyone said he should have written down some thoughts but he knew he just had to speak from his heart. “Kayla would have appreciated knowing she had this many people who loved her. Wow, would have. As in, she doesn’t now. It’s really still hitting me that she’s gone you know? She was so perfect and I loved her so much it seemed like the world wouldn’t be right if she wasn’t there. Kayla was one of those people who was going to change the world. She wasn’t supposed to get taken away this early. Our karma must really suck to have lost her. But, Rose...Rose is the perfect baby to me. She doesn’t cry in the night, she eats everything and doesn’t spit anything out. She’s as perfect as Kayla was. I told Rose back when we were still in the hospital that if she’s going to be like anyone in this life it’s her mother. I guess she heard me right? She sacrificed her own life to bring Rose to me, I still don’t quite grasp why, but she did. She thought the baby could make me happier than she could. I really wonder where she got that idea. But she was always putting me and the guys first. She listened before she talked, she gave the seconds before she took firsts, and she was always satisfied with what wasn’t even close to enough. Then she goes and marries me! She married me. Can you believe that? I don’t even compare to her in anything. Well, no, I beat her in one thing. She may have loved me with all her heart and I believe she did...does...but I loved her more. No matter what I loved her more. More than anyone in this room. I am never going to be able to move on. She actually told me to move on can you believe that? She told me to keep singing, get a new girlfriend, the works. She didn’t want to leave a scar. That’s how much she cared. I swear if you slit her throat, she would use her last breath to apologize for dripping blood on the floor for you to clean up. I guess I don’t have a whole lot else to say...” he looked around at the people, disappointed in himself. He was out of words and he had not nearly done his wife justice. Suddenly he remembered what he had wanted to do. He walked down to her coffin and pulled a folded piece of notebook paper out of his back pocket. On it, he had written the lyrics to “Demolition Lovers”. Then he tentatively reached down with the paper and placed it open on her chest. Then he reached down and followed her arm down to her hand, which he lifted, and found what he was looking for. Yes, the wedding ring was still on her finger. He gently set her hand down over the paper on her chest.
“Just checking,” he said. He wanted Kayla buried with her ring, and he wanted to be buried with his. No one freaked when he touched Kayla’s corpse. He thought someone would, but he guessed they all understood. He went back to Frank and took Rose from his arms. This little piece of Kayla still here with him.