Status: enjoy.
Postcards and Polaroids
Chapter 101.
I woke up, disappointed and alone. My dreams were filled with nothing but Kellin. His hugs, his kisses, his voice, his eyes. I missed everything. I sat up, now looking at my phone. Nothing. My heart sank. He didn’t even bother trying to talk to me. He really didn’t want me around.
Why was it so easy for him to just throw me away? What was so wrong with me? Was it merely because I was jealous of those girls? Was that his way out because I couldn’t have his baby? I’d never know, because he didn’t want to see me. My chest began to hurt again.
Finally, I got up. I hesitated, but went over to my dresser. I slowly opened the door to my jewelry box. They were still there. Still fresh. Still sharp.
Years ago, Kellin and I both had a cutting problem. We both agreed to stop as long as the other agreed to as well, and we held each other to that promise. But now, Kellin didn’t care. So why should I?
I gently picked up the razor from inside the draw. It was small, but effective. I slowly brought the razor to my leg. Kellin had always cut his arms, so I thought this was an easier place to hide it. Right above where my shorts would cut off. I slowly slide the razor across my leg. There was a stinging sensation, but only for a moment.
I wasn’t good enough for him constantly replayed over and over in my head. And it was true. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t beautiful. I didn’t have the perfect body. I wasn’t talented. I had nothing to offer him. I was nothing. Especially now.
Why was it so easy for him to just throw me away? What was so wrong with me? Was it merely because I was jealous of those girls? Was that his way out because I couldn’t have his baby? I’d never know, because he didn’t want to see me. My chest began to hurt again.
Finally, I got up. I hesitated, but went over to my dresser. I slowly opened the door to my jewelry box. They were still there. Still fresh. Still sharp.
Years ago, Kellin and I both had a cutting problem. We both agreed to stop as long as the other agreed to as well, and we held each other to that promise. But now, Kellin didn’t care. So why should I?
I gently picked up the razor from inside the draw. It was small, but effective. I slowly brought the razor to my leg. Kellin had always cut his arms, so I thought this was an easier place to hide it. Right above where my shorts would cut off. I slowly slide the razor across my leg. There was a stinging sensation, but only for a moment.
I wasn’t good enough for him constantly replayed over and over in my head. And it was true. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t beautiful. I didn’t have the perfect body. I wasn’t talented. I had nothing to offer him. I was nothing. Especially now.