Status: enjoy.
Postcards and Polaroids
Chapter 19.
I quickly made my way into my room. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes; I moved quicker, locking the door behind me.
I threw myself onto my bed, hiding my face in my pillows, and the tears began to pour. I felt this extreme emptiness. Kellin was all I had, and now I might lose him all because I’m too stupid to see what I have in front of me. I’m too stupid to let myself actually open up to someone for the first time in my life.
The tears turned to sobs and the sky got darker. I was eventually all dried out, and just lied there, quiet for a while. Thinking. My eyes stung, and my face was red and blotchy. It was safe to say I was a complete mess, so you could understand my feelings of embarrassment when I heard a knock on the window. I quickly wiped my eyes, ridding my face of any stray mascara and climbed out of bed. Through the window, I saw Taylor. He’s been my neighbor for as long as we’ve lived here. We used to play outside together after school everyday. And, like what always happens, life got in the way. And we strayed apart. So why was he at my window. I opened it.
“Are you okay?” He asked. I nodded. He stared at me, I’m assuming trying to diagnose the problem.
“I could hear you from my house.” Our houses were pretty close together. His story wasn’t impossible.
“I’m sorry I bothered you.” I said. My voice was low and shaky from the hours of aimlessly sobbing into my pillow. He could tell.
“You didn’t bother me.” He said softly. He face was gently, and sympathetic. Taylor was always understanding, and always a good ear for anyone willing to talk. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about Kellin. I didn’t want to talk about him. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to be up against him like before; looking into his eyes, kissing his lips, being with him. Being his. I was too stupid to realize this when it was right in front of me.
Taylor was still sitting on the window.
“Can I come in?” He asked. I thought for a minute. My mother didn’t like when I had boys in my room. Then again, my mother wasn’t home.
“Sure” I sighed. He gave me a half smile and climbed in. He sat down on my bed.
“I miss this house.” He said. I laughed.
“You’d be the only one” I said. He laughed too.
“I guess what I’m saying is, I miss hanging out with you.” I looked up at him. I guess you could say Taylor and I drifted apart when high school started. Taylor was athletic. He was strong, buff, and popular. And extremely attractive. He was tan, and had beautiful dark, brown eyes. And then there was me. Boring face, boring hair, boring hobbies. Boring me. Who spent her time in the auditorium, working stage crew for the spring musical and doing photography in the back photo room of the art wing. Taylor and I never even crossed paths throughout the day. It was safe to say we would drift apart the second we stepped through the front doors freshman year. We just lead different lives.
“So, how’ve you been, Taylor?” I finally ask. He looks down.
“Well, I’ve got a football scholarship waiting for me after we graduate. My mom is counting on me to make it to the NFL, that way she can get a new house.” He laughed at his own comment. I smiled.
“Well, that’s impressive.” I say. He nods.
“How about you, Jess? How come you’re not famous yet?” I laughed and finally plopped down on the bed next to him.
“Because I’m not good enough.” I sigh. He shakes his head.
“You’ve always been good enough, Jess.” He was sweet. “I think you’re too involved with this Kellin guy, and you’ve stopped thinking about yourself.” I felt my body get cold. Kellin. Why did he have to bring up Kellin.
“What makes you say that?” I ask. I sit up and look back at him. He shrugs.
“I don’t know..” He says. “You always dreamt of being a singer, of having your own band, and touring the world. Now he came into the picture, and suddenly, it’s like.. your passion is gone.” I thought about it. I guess Taylor was right. The other night, I promised Kellin I would go with him after we graduated. But, what about my dreams? What about what I wanted. Come to think of it, I never really talked about what I wanted to Kellin. It was always about him becoming a big star. Taylor snapped me out of my inner conversation.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” He asked. I felt my cheeks get red.
“Um… n-nothing. Why?” I asked curiously. He smiled.
“I just want to remind you of a few things.”
I threw myself onto my bed, hiding my face in my pillows, and the tears began to pour. I felt this extreme emptiness. Kellin was all I had, and now I might lose him all because I’m too stupid to see what I have in front of me. I’m too stupid to let myself actually open up to someone for the first time in my life.
The tears turned to sobs and the sky got darker. I was eventually all dried out, and just lied there, quiet for a while. Thinking. My eyes stung, and my face was red and blotchy. It was safe to say I was a complete mess, so you could understand my feelings of embarrassment when I heard a knock on the window. I quickly wiped my eyes, ridding my face of any stray mascara and climbed out of bed. Through the window, I saw Taylor. He’s been my neighbor for as long as we’ve lived here. We used to play outside together after school everyday. And, like what always happens, life got in the way. And we strayed apart. So why was he at my window. I opened it.
“Are you okay?” He asked. I nodded. He stared at me, I’m assuming trying to diagnose the problem.
“I could hear you from my house.” Our houses were pretty close together. His story wasn’t impossible.
“I’m sorry I bothered you.” I said. My voice was low and shaky from the hours of aimlessly sobbing into my pillow. He could tell.
“You didn’t bother me.” He said softly. He face was gently, and sympathetic. Taylor was always understanding, and always a good ear for anyone willing to talk. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about Kellin. I didn’t want to talk about him. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to be up against him like before; looking into his eyes, kissing his lips, being with him. Being his. I was too stupid to realize this when it was right in front of me.
Taylor was still sitting on the window.
“Can I come in?” He asked. I thought for a minute. My mother didn’t like when I had boys in my room. Then again, my mother wasn’t home.
“Sure” I sighed. He gave me a half smile and climbed in. He sat down on my bed.
“I miss this house.” He said. I laughed.
“You’d be the only one” I said. He laughed too.
“I guess what I’m saying is, I miss hanging out with you.” I looked up at him. I guess you could say Taylor and I drifted apart when high school started. Taylor was athletic. He was strong, buff, and popular. And extremely attractive. He was tan, and had beautiful dark, brown eyes. And then there was me. Boring face, boring hair, boring hobbies. Boring me. Who spent her time in the auditorium, working stage crew for the spring musical and doing photography in the back photo room of the art wing. Taylor and I never even crossed paths throughout the day. It was safe to say we would drift apart the second we stepped through the front doors freshman year. We just lead different lives.
“So, how’ve you been, Taylor?” I finally ask. He looks down.
“Well, I’ve got a football scholarship waiting for me after we graduate. My mom is counting on me to make it to the NFL, that way she can get a new house.” He laughed at his own comment. I smiled.
“Well, that’s impressive.” I say. He nods.
“How about you, Jess? How come you’re not famous yet?” I laughed and finally plopped down on the bed next to him.
“Because I’m not good enough.” I sigh. He shakes his head.
“You’ve always been good enough, Jess.” He was sweet. “I think you’re too involved with this Kellin guy, and you’ve stopped thinking about yourself.” I felt my body get cold. Kellin. Why did he have to bring up Kellin.
“What makes you say that?” I ask. I sit up and look back at him. He shrugs.
“I don’t know..” He says. “You always dreamt of being a singer, of having your own band, and touring the world. Now he came into the picture, and suddenly, it’s like.. your passion is gone.” I thought about it. I guess Taylor was right. The other night, I promised Kellin I would go with him after we graduated. But, what about my dreams? What about what I wanted. Come to think of it, I never really talked about what I wanted to Kellin. It was always about him becoming a big star. Taylor snapped me out of my inner conversation.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” He asked. I felt my cheeks get red.
“Um… n-nothing. Why?” I asked curiously. He smiled.
“I just want to remind you of a few things.”