Status: enjoy.
Postcards and Polaroids
Chapter 72.
I was hollow. Empty. I felt nothing, because my heart had just been packed up and shipped out to tour the entire east coast.
I learned fast how hard it was to be alone.
I slept. Alone.
I ate. Alone.
I drove. Alone.
I cleaned our new apartment. Alone.
The feeling of sadness became permanent. I forgot what it was like to smile for no reason. I forgot what it felt like to have someone hold my hand, cuddle with me until I fell asleep. I forgot the feeling of having someone breathing constantly down my neck. My heart ached when I saw couples on the street, couples in public, couples anywhere. They were so lucky. So lucky to have each other, and they probably had no idea how lucky they really were.
It had been two weeks. I hadn’t heard from him.
Sure, he’s called, but I couldn’t bare hear the sound of his voice, and know he was so far away. There were several voicemails saved up. I sat on the floor of our empty apartment. There was no way I’d be able to move in all the furniture (the furniture that we DID have) by myself. I sighed, and finally went to listen to the messages. I missed him too much. I needed something.
Hey Jess, it’s me. We played our first show tonight. I wished more than anything that you could of been here. They loved us. Especially my song. Well, I love you. I want to talk to you, I want to know how things are going. I miss you. Goodnight.
They progressively got longer, the longer I went without answering.
Jess, hey, um, I don’t know if you got my call or not. I miss you. It really sucks sleeping alone here. I.. I really can’t wait until I get back home. I’d never let you out of my sight again… I.. I miss falling asleep to the sound of your heartbeat. And waking up to you laying on my chest… I.. I miss the way you smile at me… I miss the look in your eyes after I surprise you with a kiss.. I.. I just.. I miss you. More than you could imagine. Please.. call me back.. I need to hear from you.. please. I love you.
I bit my lip, slowly typing in his phone number. Finally, I brought myself to call him. It rang a few times, then went to voicemail. Suddenly, I felt a little better.
“Hey, baby..” I said. I bit my lip. “I.. I..” I was tearing up. I quickly wiped my eyes away, but my voice had already cracked. “Kellin, I miss you. I don’t know what to do with myself without you here. I.. I finished signing for the apartment, so we’ll have a home together when you get back, I just can’t move in the furniture by myself. I need you back here. I’m going crazy without you.” My voice was cracking again. “I love you.. please just.. call me.” I hung up, and wiped away the rest of the tears in my eyes. I never thought it’d be this hard.
I was so empty, so lonely. I just needed someone. Suddenly, my phone rang. My heart jumped. Was it Kellin already? I looked down.
It was Taylor.
I learned fast how hard it was to be alone.
I slept. Alone.
I ate. Alone.
I drove. Alone.
I cleaned our new apartment. Alone.
The feeling of sadness became permanent. I forgot what it was like to smile for no reason. I forgot what it felt like to have someone hold my hand, cuddle with me until I fell asleep. I forgot the feeling of having someone breathing constantly down my neck. My heart ached when I saw couples on the street, couples in public, couples anywhere. They were so lucky. So lucky to have each other, and they probably had no idea how lucky they really were.
It had been two weeks. I hadn’t heard from him.
Sure, he’s called, but I couldn’t bare hear the sound of his voice, and know he was so far away. There were several voicemails saved up. I sat on the floor of our empty apartment. There was no way I’d be able to move in all the furniture (the furniture that we DID have) by myself. I sighed, and finally went to listen to the messages. I missed him too much. I needed something.
Hey Jess, it’s me. We played our first show tonight. I wished more than anything that you could of been here. They loved us. Especially my song. Well, I love you. I want to talk to you, I want to know how things are going. I miss you. Goodnight.
They progressively got longer, the longer I went without answering.
Jess, hey, um, I don’t know if you got my call or not. I miss you. It really sucks sleeping alone here. I.. I really can’t wait until I get back home. I’d never let you out of my sight again… I.. I miss falling asleep to the sound of your heartbeat. And waking up to you laying on my chest… I.. I miss the way you smile at me… I miss the look in your eyes after I surprise you with a kiss.. I.. I just.. I miss you. More than you could imagine. Please.. call me back.. I need to hear from you.. please. I love you.
I bit my lip, slowly typing in his phone number. Finally, I brought myself to call him. It rang a few times, then went to voicemail. Suddenly, I felt a little better.
“Hey, baby..” I said. I bit my lip. “I.. I..” I was tearing up. I quickly wiped my eyes away, but my voice had already cracked. “Kellin, I miss you. I don’t know what to do with myself without you here. I.. I finished signing for the apartment, so we’ll have a home together when you get back, I just can’t move in the furniture by myself. I need you back here. I’m going crazy without you.” My voice was cracking again. “I love you.. please just.. call me.” I hung up, and wiped away the rest of the tears in my eyes. I never thought it’d be this hard.
I was so empty, so lonely. I just needed someone. Suddenly, my phone rang. My heart jumped. Was it Kellin already? I looked down.
It was Taylor.