Inebriated

I didn't see Mikey for a few days, but I finally managed to sneak his number from Gerard's cellphone, so I could arrange for him to come to my house. When he showed up, I opened the door before he had the chance to knock and pulled him inside. In the span of time that I asked him to come over, I'd managed to work myself into a tizzy.

Seeing my distressed state, Mikey moved to my living room and plopped the both of us onto the couch. Coursing a hand through my hair, I took a couple breaths to steady myself.

"He loves me, Mikey. That morning you saw us together? The night before he told me he loved me. I don't.. I don't love him, Mikey. I don't know what to do. He's going to realize that I keep changing the subject when he tells me-" Mikey tried to interrupt me by saying something, but I slapped my hand over his mouth to quiet him down.

"I don't love him, and I don't want to hurt him by telling him, Mikey. You know what he was doing when I went over to his house? He had a knife, he was thinking about suicide. That's so scary, for a lot of reasons. I don't want to be the cause of that."

"The best thing you can do is be honest with him the next time it comes up. I know Gerard, and if you keep putting it off and let him get more and more attached to you, it's just going to hurt him more in the end," He reached over to lay a hand on my shoulder, as if to comfort me. It didn't work.

"But he's already attached, Mikey."

"I know."

***

I think Gerard knew something was up. Even though we spent time together non-stop, he had stopped professing his feelings for me. I wasn't sure if I was hurt or relieved. But when he finally did say it, we were sitting on his couch watching Jerry Springer. I recalled Mikey's advice and gave Gerard's hand a weak squeeze before deciding to nip this in the bud.

"I just... I don't love you, Gerard."

"I know," was his simple answer, and I didn't even know what the hell to think. I was quiet for a long time, before he continued.

"But I'll make you love me, Olivia." I looked into Gerard's eyes, and he looked into mine, and for the first time since meeting him, I was deeply uncomfortable.