Without You, I'm A Disaster

“I didn’t mean to hurt you Sal. I really didn’t. I didn’t mean for anyone to see or ever even find out about what happened with Matt and I. It was just a stupid, I don’t even know what to call it. But it didn’t mean anything. And, well, I hate you being mad and seeing you the way you were back there.” Sal looked over at her, confusion reading all over his face, “So you and Matt aren’t a thing?” Crystal simply shook her head. Sal sighed, “You better tell him that then.”
Now it was Crystal’s turn to be confused. “What do you mean?” she said as she pushed her newly-cut hair back away from her face. Sal gave a tired laugh, “You’re kidding me, right? You really can’t fucking see how much Matt would give to be with you? The dude is crazy about you. And I’d bet nearly everything I’ve got on the fact that he now thinks that you feel the same way.” Crystal fell silent and looked down at her hands; this situation was getting out of control.
“Wait,” Sal said slowly, “do you feel the same way?” Crystal looked back up, her green eyes quickly darkening with pain. “No. I, I love Reid. I know it’s stupid and ridiculous after everything he’s done and all the time that has passed, but I still love him. He’s still everything to me for some reason.”
Hearing her say that hurt Sal more than it would have to hear that she had feelings for Matt. At least Matt hadn’t completely fucked her over and broken her trust multiple times. Matt hadn’t ever cheated on her or even thought about hurting her like that. Meanwhile, Reid had done all of the above without giving it a second thought. And she still loved him.
The guitarist turned his head so he was facing her. The hurt in his eyes was quickly being ridden-over by anger. “Are you serious Crys?” he said, his voice rising, “Are you fucking serious right now?” The girl could feel tears spring into her eyes and she dumbly nodded as she waited for what was going to happen next.
“He fucking crushed you!” Sal snapped, “And he didn’t give two fucks about it! He cheated on you, and he hurt you, and he continues to be an ass to you whenever he has the chance. Don’t you see that he’s never going to fucking change? Or are you just so desperate that you’re going to ignore the obvious?”
The anger in his voice scared Crystal more than anything. Sal wasn’t one who got angry easily or quickly, especially over things that didn’t directly involve him. At first, Crystal thought that he was just mad at her for kissing Matt, but she was starting to get the feeling that Doug had been right, and that this was about a lot more than just a kiss.
“You don’t get it,” she said back as she tried to steady her voice, “You don’t get what it’s like to be in love with someone. Especially someone who doesn’t love you back and hurts you day after day. It’s not fun, it’s not easy, and I wish that I wasn’t stuck in the situation that I’m in with him. But I am. You wanna know why?” she stood up and threw her hands up, “Because no one can fucking control who they fucking fall in love with!”
Sal stood up and stepped closer to her. The hallway of the bus was narrow as it was, so now Crystal was backed against the wall with Sal’s face only inches from hers. “Oh trust me,” he said in a voice so deep and quiet that it struck fear into Crystal’s veins, “I know that. I know you can’t control who you fall in love with. Because if I could, I wouldn’t be in love with you anymore.” And with that, he walked back out into the main part of the bus with the rest of the guys.
Crystal collapsed onto her bunk and buried her face in her pillow as she cried. She didn’t know how it had gotten to this. Two days ago, none of this was going on. Sure, she still loved Reid then, but it wasn’t causing nearly as many fights or as much stress as it was now. She hated knowing that she was the cause of everything bad that was going on.
Sal picked up his jacket and headed for the door. “Where you headed?” Doug asked curiously. Sal turned around, his face reading so many different emotions. “To the closest bar,” he said flatly. The guys all looked back and forth at each other.
“I’ll go with you,” Reid said as he stood up and ran a hand through his hair. The keyboardist was the last person that anyone expected to willingly head out with Sal, but no one questioned it at that point. Doug got up to follow suit, and everyone could tell by the look on Matt’s face that he was in desperate need of a drink.
They all looked back at Brendan, who waved them off with a smile. “Go on, and drink extra for me. I’ll stay here and make sure Crys doesn’t explode.” The guys nodded and headed off the bus. Doug hung back for a moment until the two of them were alone. “You sure?” he asked the bassist, “’Cause I can stay if you want. I know this isn’t really the situation that you wanna be in right now.” Brendan shrugged and sprawled out on the couch, “I’ll be fine. I’m not gonna do anything. I’m just going to stay just in case something happens or whatever. I’d never forgive myself if I left and shit went down.” Doug gave an understanding nod before heading off the tour bus to follow the rest of the guys into town on foot.
Once he was sure that the guys were gone for a while, Brendan walked back to the bunks where Crystal was still face-down in her pillow. She wasn’t sobbing anymore, but that wasn’t to say that she had finished crying.
Brendan sat down on the bunk next to her and gently rubbed his hand up and down her back. “It’ll be okay Cryssy,” he whispered softly, “It’ll all be okay.” He tucked her shortened hair behind her ear and looked at the raven tattoo on her neck. He lightly traced over it with his thumb before going back to running his hand up and down her back.
She sat up and curled up close to his side as she rested her head on his shoulder. “How can you be so sure?” she asked as she wiped the tears off of her face. Brendan shrugged and gave her a crooked grin, “Because I just know.”
The two of them sat there in silence for a few minutes before Brendan shrugged his shoulder slightly and brought the girl back to reality. “Hey,” he said in a voice just above a whisper, “you wanna sleep on the couch tonight and I’ll crash back here?” Crystal took her head off of his shoulder and gave a small smile, “You don’t have to do that Bren. I know you hate bunking back here with the guys. I’ll be fine, really.” The bassist shook his head as he stood up. “Maybe I shouldn’t have phrased it as a question,” he said as he began to pull of Crystal’s blankets and pillows off of her bed right out from underneath her and started to bring them out to the couch where he usually slept to escape the snores of his band mates.
The girl gave a tired laugh as she followed him back out into the main part of the bus. “Are you sure?” she asked as the boy spread the blanket out on the couch. He nodded, “Of course.” Crystal smiled as she pulled his bandana down over his eyes, “Thanks Bren.” He chuckled as he blindly wrapped her in a hug, “No problem Cryssy.”
He walked back to her bunk with a couple blankets and a pillow and slid right into bed. He was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted and for once he was confident that he could sleep through the snores of all the other guys on the bus.
Crystal crawled under the blanket on the couch and closed her eyes. She felt alone and exposed sleeping there, but at the same time, she knew that she wouldn’t have been able to handle being in the bunks with all the guys that night since they didn’t have a hotel to stay at.
“Goodnight!” she called back to the bassist who was in her bunk.
“’Night!” he called forward to her. He sighed. “Sweet dreams Cryssy,” he whispered quietly.