Bitter Years
Prologue; Another Day
Another day.
Waking up, but there’s not much to live for anymore. You start your day with spashing cold water on your face, and when you look up into the mirror you don’t see that happy person anymore. When you’re eating your cereal, your thoughts are nothing when they used to be full of excitement for that day. You used to fuss about what to wear, but now you throw on your old jeans and a plain top, not caring anymore. You look to your phone where messages used to be infinitive, but now.. nothing. Why? Because you’re not a person who people enjoy being with anymore. Your life has been shattered, but you no longer care, you care about nothing. The posters that used to be displayed specifically on your bedroom walls that you rearranged every few weeks have now been taken down, or more like torn down, but have been placed safely in a box somewhere else. You still feel a need to keep them, even though there will probably never be a time again when you’ll need to turn to them. You feel barely anything. Your iPod hasn’t been touched in a long time, as the songs that used to save you now mean nothing, as there’s nothing to relive them any longer. Any thought of lyric haunts you, as you know that nothing can make it come alive to your ears or heart again. It’s all gone. How do you get through your day? You barely struggle to make it.
Another day of emptiness.
You miss the times you used to scream as your heart pounded in time with your fist, high in the air, and your mind was in ecstasy. How everyone around you was there for the same reason you were. It was amazing, probably the best experience of your life. No, you lied, the best experience was when they picked you to go on stage with them. You were nervous, I mean, who wouldn’t have been? But you pulled it together, and you sang your heart out to your favourite song of all time with your heroes. Who would’ve known that times would have changed so much after that. You miss it. You miss every hope they used to give you. Every encouragement they pumped into your system, to make you believe that you could do anything. They were the people you grew up with without them exactly knowing you existed till years afterwards. As you grew and changed, they did also. They brought you back to who you were when you lost yourself. They were there for you. They were there for you when you lost, when you loved, when you broke and when you discovered you. And now that’s all gone. Who you are is barely anything, because they are not there. They’re not there for you any more. Not any longer. No longer will they be the strong ones to hold all your pieces together, and you miss it.
Another day of wishes and make believe.
Sometimes, when there’s that little bit of hope still left in you, you close your eyes and imagine it all again. It makes you feel like it’s actually real again, until you open your eyes and the sorrow of reality is back again, haunting you until the end of everything. Sometimes, the reality actually makes you feel something, but that is only the teardrops on your cheeks once more. You don’t mean to, but you hear their song on the radio and you break down completely, wishing it was back. People say it’s best to remember them in their prime, but that makes matters worse. When there’s nothing left, there’s no use looking back. You need them in the now and present, the past has been and gone and it’s no use now. There’s no use for it at all. Your old friends try to help you by saying it’s better to just listen to the music, but you can’t. You can’t, because everything will come crashing back down again, and you remember the truth of real life. All the lies people told you, that everything was gonna be okay, well, they can fuck off. Because nothing will be okay. You need them now. You need them to sing into your earphones as you turn it up to the fullest volume, to block out all the noise of the riots around you.
Another day of remembering.
They sang about love, revenge, death, and living. Each one made you grow as a person, as a human being, and as a saviour. They inspired you to help others like they helped you. Like they saved you. But others told you that it was never gonna work, but you didn’t let them get to you. Now you realise they were right all along. You wished it wasn’t true though. As you remembered each thought and each moment and each and every single memory to do with them, you broke down even more in despair and hurt. More than anything, you needed to hear them properly. More than anything. But the world doesn’t revolve around you no matter how much you wished it would. They chose to do what they did for a reason, even though no-one knows what that reason was. But a reunion for one more time then leaving it again would be worse than if they left it forever, as you hate goodbyes, especially a goodbye from them. You wouldn’t have been able to bare it. Well, you don’t bare it, and you collapse right there on your living room floor, wishing everything was a dream, that they were right there on the stage as you sang back at them every last word. No matter how much you wished to forget it all, you can’t help but think about how perfect it all was, how perfect they all were. How perfect they are still now, but they just don’t choose to show it anymore. You think it’s still perfect. You couldn’t love them any more or any less, you have reached your full meter, but the love still kills you inside. But they will always be in your heart. And even through all the hurt, and all the pain, you’ll thank them forever.
Another day.
Another day of all of this, and more. There was something really special in the instruments, the chords, the lyrics, just the noise of the music. It reminds you of the good times in your life, and lets your bad memories fade in hell. Every little thing they did resembled a part of your life, and now, as they are gone, your life has disappeared bit by bit, fading into an ever-darkening emptiness. But they taught you everything you knew, or once knew, and the one strong part of you buried deep within tells you to hold onto the lessons they taught, because you’ll need them again one day. You argue with that voice, and you tell it that’s it all lies, and nothing will ever be the same again. All the other fans? They eventually got over it, they all eventually moved on. You? Nope. You physically can’t. You mentally or emotionally can’t move on from it. You will always, always love them.
It’s been ten bitter years since My Chemical Romance broke up. Everyone’s got over the trauma by now, except for you.
Waking up, but there’s not much to live for anymore. You start your day with spashing cold water on your face, and when you look up into the mirror you don’t see that happy person anymore. When you’re eating your cereal, your thoughts are nothing when they used to be full of excitement for that day. You used to fuss about what to wear, but now you throw on your old jeans and a plain top, not caring anymore. You look to your phone where messages used to be infinitive, but now.. nothing. Why? Because you’re not a person who people enjoy being with anymore. Your life has been shattered, but you no longer care, you care about nothing. The posters that used to be displayed specifically on your bedroom walls that you rearranged every few weeks have now been taken down, or more like torn down, but have been placed safely in a box somewhere else. You still feel a need to keep them, even though there will probably never be a time again when you’ll need to turn to them. You feel barely anything. Your iPod hasn’t been touched in a long time, as the songs that used to save you now mean nothing, as there’s nothing to relive them any longer. Any thought of lyric haunts you, as you know that nothing can make it come alive to your ears or heart again. It’s all gone. How do you get through your day? You barely struggle to make it.
Another day of emptiness.
You miss the times you used to scream as your heart pounded in time with your fist, high in the air, and your mind was in ecstasy. How everyone around you was there for the same reason you were. It was amazing, probably the best experience of your life. No, you lied, the best experience was when they picked you to go on stage with them. You were nervous, I mean, who wouldn’t have been? But you pulled it together, and you sang your heart out to your favourite song of all time with your heroes. Who would’ve known that times would have changed so much after that. You miss it. You miss every hope they used to give you. Every encouragement they pumped into your system, to make you believe that you could do anything. They were the people you grew up with without them exactly knowing you existed till years afterwards. As you grew and changed, they did also. They brought you back to who you were when you lost yourself. They were there for you. They were there for you when you lost, when you loved, when you broke and when you discovered you. And now that’s all gone. Who you are is barely anything, because they are not there. They’re not there for you any more. Not any longer. No longer will they be the strong ones to hold all your pieces together, and you miss it.
Another day of wishes and make believe.
Sometimes, when there’s that little bit of hope still left in you, you close your eyes and imagine it all again. It makes you feel like it’s actually real again, until you open your eyes and the sorrow of reality is back again, haunting you until the end of everything. Sometimes, the reality actually makes you feel something, but that is only the teardrops on your cheeks once more. You don’t mean to, but you hear their song on the radio and you break down completely, wishing it was back. People say it’s best to remember them in their prime, but that makes matters worse. When there’s nothing left, there’s no use looking back. You need them in the now and present, the past has been and gone and it’s no use now. There’s no use for it at all. Your old friends try to help you by saying it’s better to just listen to the music, but you can’t. You can’t, because everything will come crashing back down again, and you remember the truth of real life. All the lies people told you, that everything was gonna be okay, well, they can fuck off. Because nothing will be okay. You need them now. You need them to sing into your earphones as you turn it up to the fullest volume, to block out all the noise of the riots around you.
Another day of remembering.
They sang about love, revenge, death, and living. Each one made you grow as a person, as a human being, and as a saviour. They inspired you to help others like they helped you. Like they saved you. But others told you that it was never gonna work, but you didn’t let them get to you. Now you realise they were right all along. You wished it wasn’t true though. As you remembered each thought and each moment and each and every single memory to do with them, you broke down even more in despair and hurt. More than anything, you needed to hear them properly. More than anything. But the world doesn’t revolve around you no matter how much you wished it would. They chose to do what they did for a reason, even though no-one knows what that reason was. But a reunion for one more time then leaving it again would be worse than if they left it forever, as you hate goodbyes, especially a goodbye from them. You wouldn’t have been able to bare it. Well, you don’t bare it, and you collapse right there on your living room floor, wishing everything was a dream, that they were right there on the stage as you sang back at them every last word. No matter how much you wished to forget it all, you can’t help but think about how perfect it all was, how perfect they all were. How perfect they are still now, but they just don’t choose to show it anymore. You think it’s still perfect. You couldn’t love them any more or any less, you have reached your full meter, but the love still kills you inside. But they will always be in your heart. And even through all the hurt, and all the pain, you’ll thank them forever.
Another day.
Another day of all of this, and more. There was something really special in the instruments, the chords, the lyrics, just the noise of the music. It reminds you of the good times in your life, and lets your bad memories fade in hell. Every little thing they did resembled a part of your life, and now, as they are gone, your life has disappeared bit by bit, fading into an ever-darkening emptiness. But they taught you everything you knew, or once knew, and the one strong part of you buried deep within tells you to hold onto the lessons they taught, because you’ll need them again one day. You argue with that voice, and you tell it that’s it all lies, and nothing will ever be the same again. All the other fans? They eventually got over it, they all eventually moved on. You? Nope. You physically can’t. You mentally or emotionally can’t move on from it. You will always, always love them.
It’s been ten bitter years since My Chemical Romance broke up. Everyone’s got over the trauma by now, except for you.
♠ ♠ ♠
Tada.