Fix You

Harry remained shut up in his room for the next three days. His mind still could not fully process what had occurred the other night. He had kissed Severus Snape, his greasy haired, big nosed, cold, heartless, Potions teacher. His Potions teacher! Harry was no expert but he was almost sure that they could both get in a shit load of trouble for even one tiny kiss and what had happened was way more than a tiny little kiss. Severus had been on top of him, fucking moaning and attacking his entire body.

Not that he had minded one bit, by the way. Never before in his entire life had anybody kissed him like that. He couldn't even think about what it had felt like without erupting in cold shivers. It wouldn't be happening ever again, though, the mans actions had sure as hell showed that. He was so hurt, so confused, so fucking embarrassed as the man rolled off of him and stomped back inside as if nothing had ever happened. He hadn't even been able to gather up the will to get up and relocate to his bedroom. Instead, he had spent the night on the futon, laying flat on his back and staring at the stars.

The next morning, after sleeping for only a few hours, he had cautiously moved across the roof and looked down into Severus' bedroom. The bed was empty and had already been made, so he took a deep breath before climbing down the ladder and shutting himself in his bedroom as quickly as possible.

He snuck out at night to use the bathroom and grab a sandwich or something, but that was it. He spent the rest of his time snorting coke, chain smoking, and video chatting with his friends. He made sure to keep himself high at all times so he wouldn't be able to feel the pain he knew would hit him as soon as he was in a clear state of mind. This was absolute fucking torture as Severus made no move to talk to him or even check to make sure he was still alive. It was like he could care less if he ever had anything to do with him again. No, he was positive that Severus didn't give a shit. He had just been stoned and horny and he had been the only human being available to satisfy his personal needs.

A knock sounded at his bedroom door and he jumped about a food in the air, knocking over an ashtray in the process. He had grown so used to absolute silence in the house that the noise had startled him terribly. Quickly, he grabbed his wand and siphoned the mess off of the carpet before mumbling "come in."

Severus slowly opened the door and Harry immediately turned his focus to his lap, careful not to make any sort of eye contact. "We're behind on lessons. You need to come down to my lab so we can begin your first Occlumency lesson."

"No." He was not taking Occlumency lessons again. Snape had already given him lessons in his fifth year and it had been an absolute disaster. No, that didn't even begin to describe it. Snape hadn't had any patience what-so-ever. He had expected him to know how to do it right off the bat, hadn't given him any breathing room at all, and had spent every lesson belittling his intelligence. Then there had been the incident with the Pensive where he had ended up thrown against a wall with cockroach juice all over him. There was no way in hell he was going to repeat the terrible experience for a second time.

"No way in hell."

"Potter, you will do what I say."

Instead of nodding his head and going on command like he would have done the previous year, he held his ground and looked his professor right in the eyes. Striking black eyes connected with his and he almost lost himself in them, but somehow managed to snap back into reality. "I'm not going to have my mind invaded, be screamed at, and get thrown around like a rag doll again. I'm not fucking doing it." He spat out in frustration, angrily grabbing a cigarette off of the table and lighting it in a hurry. It pissed him off how they all just expected him to be their little pawn and do exactly what they said. And he was still pissed at Snape for the other night.

Instead of hexing him or screaming in his face like he expected, Snape let out a deep sigh before crossing the room and sitting awkwardly on the edge of the unmade bed. Harry curled his feet up to his chest in order to put more space in between them and eyed him curiously, puffing on his cigarette.

"What if-" Snape started, but stopped after a moment and grew silent, raking a hand through the top of his thick black hair so it was all mussed up and sticking to different places of his face. Incredibly turned on by this, he instead turned his gaze to the wall overhead, refusing to look over.

"What if I promise to go easier on you? I'll start by attempting to teach you the basics and I won't put all of my energy into it at first. After a wile, I will expect you to be able to throw me out of your mind while I'm using all of my strength, but we'll get to that when it comes up."

Harry raised an eyebrow as he lit another cigarette mainly as an excuse to think over his proposition. He didn't want to learn Occlumency. First of all, it was virtually impossible for him and second of all, he hated the idea of anybody invading his mind and witnessing his personal memories.

"Alright." He finally said, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "On a few conditions, though." He waited for Snape to respond, but he just stared calmly at the painting hanging across the room, waiting for him to continue. "No insulting my intelligence, insulting my father, or making fun of any memory you happen to say. And if I say we need to stop, we're going to stop."

"Alright, let's go get started then." Snape said.

Trying not to let his shock and surprise show, he stamped out his cigarette in the ashtray and grabbed his wand off of the bedside table before following him out of the door and down the steps to his potions lab.

Harry took a seat in the wooden chair sitting in the middle of the room with a bit of hesitation. While he had agreed to these lessons, he still wasn't completely sure that he would want to continue once they started. Sev-Snape closed the door behind him and came to stand about five feet away from him.

"Okay, so you need to start by occluding your mind. I remember you stating once that you can't force yourself to think of nothing, so you might want to try something different. Visualizing. It works for some, and it doesn't work at all for others. I personally cannot use this method, but we'll try it anyways."

He nodded and closed his eyes, wondering what exactly he was supposed to be visualizing. He began picturing a sort of forest scene, but found himself getting bored after only a few moments. Instead, he envisioned a beach at night. The water was nearly still, only making a few light splashing noises every now and then. It was completely vacant at this particular spot and an owl hooted in the distance. The stars were shining brightly in the sky and he even added a few constellations he knew from his memory. The full moon was glowing brightly in the sky. He concentrated on the image before him for several minutes, completely blocking out everything around him.

"Are you ready to try now?" Snape asked as soon as he opened his eyes.

He nodded and gripped the edges of the chair tightly, bracing himself for the impact that was sure to come. It slammed into him like a ton of bricks as his memories began flashing before his eyes. Getting punched in the mouth by Dudley when he was four years old, being chased up a tree by Aunt Marge's dogs at 7, sitting in front of the Mirror of Erised at 11, Hermione punching Malfoy in the face third year. He struggled and fought with all of his power as an extremely familiar graveyard came into view. A flash of green light and Cedric laying dead on the ground was the last thing he saw before he managed to throw the other man out of his mind completely.

He clambered back up into the chair, panting and sweating. He really shouldn't be doing this while being as strung out as he currently was, but it's not like he could tell Snape that. He would just have to deal with it and restrain from doing anymore coke until school started again. If he could manage to last that long, that is.

"Well, you did manage to throw me out, but it took you quite some time. It wasn't until I got to a memory that you really didn't want to see again that you channeled all of your energy into it. I expect you to do better next time."

He was too out of breath to respond or argue back so he settled for nodding and wiping his sweat drenched forehead with a handkerchief he produced from his left pocket. He really wanted to remove his shirt, but that would be utterly inappropriate considering the current circumstances between the two.

"Legilimens!" He didn't even have a warning before his mind was invaded again. Flashbacks of memories from Hogwarts were plaguing his vision as he tried to throw Snape out of his mind. Cho Chang came into view and he knew what this memory was before it even began happening. To his relief, Snape took it upon himself to pull out of his mind on his own

Harry collected himself before looking around curiously. Not once had he ever willingly pulled out of a memory of his before. What the hell was going on? The Professor caught onto the look he was giving him and gave a little half shrug. "If I feel as if a memory is too personal, I will pull out of it if you don't manage to throw me out within the first few seconds. I wouldn't want somebody invading my privacy in that way so I won't do it to you." He had a certain edge to his voice as he spoke, almost as if he was bitter or angry about something, but he honestly had no idea what that would be so he just nodded his head.

"Ready?" He asked him a few minutes later. He nodded his okay and began occluding, hoping to block him out before he even had a chance to see a single memory.

It didn't work and he desperately began shoving as he realized what memory had popped up. It was from a drunken night this summer, when he'd had oral sex with a random stranger at the bar. He didn't want the other man seeing this. He tried harder than he ever had in his life, but it did no use. After a stronger wave than he had ever experienced crashed into his body, he realized that Snape was purposely using all of his strength to hold onto the memory.

He stopped fighting and watched helplessly as the guy picked him up and practically threw him down on the counter before violently crashing their lips together once more. His hands worked at the buttons on his pants and he kissed and nipped at his hip bones before taking him into his mouth. Harry threw his head back and moaned.

In another split flash, the memory ended and he realized he was laying flat on his back on the hard stone floor. He slowly gathered himself up and looked around the room just in time to see the swish of a familiar black cloak and hear the door slam. A piece of glass fell to the floor and shattered into a million pieces.