Fix You

Severus felt as if he was going to vomit as he stormed through the house, not even bothering to turn around as he heard the window pane shatter from the door he had just slammed shut. Breaking glass hadn't caused his anger to diminish in the slightest. It was pouring throughout his entire body, engulfing him from the inside out. He needed to break more things, destroy an entire building, blow something up, climb on top of the Hogwarts Express and scream at the top of his lungs.

He didn't understand why he felt this way, though. Sure, he had just witnessed the boy in an extremely sexual act, which would probably be enough to make anybody vomit, but still...there was more to it than that. He felt a lashing in the back of his brain, telling him to find the young man from the night club and hunt him down for touching Harr-Potter.

Under absolutely no conditions should he be experiencing these feelings. The boy meant absolutely nothing to him. He was a mere child. An annoying little brat who feels as if the rules don't apply to him. The spitting image of his piece of shit father. Your typical teenager.

"One whom you kissed just the other night." He mumbled to himself as he reached his bedroom. At this reminder, he opened the door, stalked inside, and slammed it shut as hard as he could. A window rattled somewhere in the house, but he didn't even care.

He indeed had kissed the boy the other night. Even worse, he had liked it. Never in a million years would he have thought that something along these lines could happen with the bloody 'Boy Who Lived'. It was completely insane, not to mention wrong on so many levels. He was a professor! The boys teacher! Twenty years and some-odd months his senior!

'But you liked it, Severus. You would do it again if you could' The little devil in the back of his head whispered to him.

He sent his fist flying into the wall as the bubble of frustration became too much. Normally, he would never resort to such childish antics, but this was uncommon ground for him. Completely foreign. He didn't know how to deal with something like this. Bratty children at school? No problem. Having to kill innocent human beings? Piece of cake. The Dark Lord himself? No big deal. No. This...this was an entirely new territory.

"Severus!" A knock sounded at the door.

Fuck. He had been childishly hitting the wall with Harry just in the next room. Normally, he would never allow himself to lose control with another human being within a fifty mile radius. Albus was the absolute and only exception of this rule.

His thoughts were interrupted as the sound of the door slamming against the wall jerked him back into reality. That little brat had seriously just broken his bedroom door off of the hinges!

"Why you little-"

"What in the FUCK was that, Severus? We were in the middle of a lesson!"

He turned away from the boy and sat down on his unmade bed, wishing that he would just leave him alone. It was becoming increasingly harder to look at him as just his student with every passing day and he wouldn't allow himself to lose control again.

"Lessons are over for the day. Go start on your homework or go outside or go watch Tv or something. I don't care what you do as long as you leave me in peace."

To his utter horror, a weight sank down on the bed next to him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, forcing himself not to move a muscle.

"Are we going to pretend that nothing ever happened?"

"I-" He couldn't seem to come up with a coherent answer.

"Because something did happen, Severus. I know you think it's terrible, but it's not. There was a spark when we finally kissed. I felt it and I know that you felt it too. Never before has anything felt that right to me. I'm not stupid or blind, I see the way you look at me when you think I'm not watching. And you put up with my bullshit, which you would not do if you truly hated me. Please just stop running away from your feelings because I don't want to run away from mine any longer."

He sat up straight, unable to move. Processing everything that was just said. He had assumed that it had been nothing more than a blown out of his mind snogging session for Harry. He never thought it possible that a boy that looked like him could have feelings for a man such as himself. And did he really look at him in a certain way that would give...whatever these peculiar feelings that he had developed away? It was true that he put up with more than he would have put up with even just a few weeks ago, but he had convinced himself that it was because he had realized that the boy didn't lead a life of pure luxury.

It was true that things had changed between them over the past few weeks spent together. He had realized quite some time ago with only a fraction of horror that he almost longed for the times they would get high together and have deep conversations about life while they looked up at the stars. The boy no longer annoyed him to no end with his "I don't give a shit what you think" attitude. He actually found it...intriguing. And his new sense of style did indeed do justice to his appearance, as much as he loathed to admit it.

When he really did take a moment and stop to think about it, it all made perfect sense. He had developed feelings for the utterly famous Harry Potter, the 'Boy Who Lived', the 'Hero of the Wizarding World', precious fucking Potter.

These feelings had to end. Right now.

"It never meant shit, Potter. You were just there to satisfy my physical needs when I needed you. I have no feelings for you and I never will. I'm your fucking teacher. You are a mere child in my eyes. An exact replica of your father. You will never amount to anything in my eyes. Our relationship is purely professional and nothing else. Do you understand me?" He spat out, inches from the boys crestfallen face.

Silence rang in his ears as the boy stared up at him for a long moment before exiting the room without a word, a crestfallen look on his face. Severus waited a few seconds before getting up and walking into his own personal bathroom. He placed several locking and silencing charms on the door before stripping down to nothing and stepping inside the shower. He sat in the bottom staring blankly ahead until the hot water depleted. It grew freezing cold, pelting into his skin like sleet on a wintery day.