Go on, Scream

It was understandable, Dria thought, that she be a little distracted. This had to be her fault. After all, she was the one who had gone and changed things. She was the one who started getting caught up in her own thoughts, not even noticing when her friends were coming and going most of the time.

It was equally understandable, though to be honest, much less expected, that Sara start to subtly drift in the direction of new friends, away from Dria.

It was all perfectly understandable, but that didn't make it hurt any less. She and Sara had been best friends since their second year, and had been on good terms since the year before that. One little rough period should not have been enough to shake them right to the foundation like this.

Audriell told herself that it was fine, that she really shouldn't be spending too much time around people, anyway. After all, what if she got upset again and really did hurt someone?

So she took Sara's separation as a sign and withdrew herself further. Audriell went to class and she went to the library to study. When she could handle no more, she would go straight to her dormitory for sleep. Occasionally, she would need a change of scenery, so she would go outside, to a spot on the the grounds that was always secluded. This routine Dria was able to keep up with for three straight weeks.

One day, it was like a fog had been lifted from her. She looked at herself in the mirror and noted the deep purple marks under her eyes, indicating that she was working too hard and sleeping too little. She saw that she was looking haggard, and that her frame had passed from being willowy to being nastily thin. Her hips jutted out disconcertingly and her uniform top slouched unflatteringly. Audriell's prized red locks were hanging limply around a face that looked like it had not changed expression in ages.

It was, in short, time that she make an adjustment, and a big one, to her life.

To start off, Dria used cosmetics for the first time in years, attempting to cover up the signs of overexertion. She put a little blush on her cheeks, and the color made her look almost healthy again. At breakfast, instead of sitting at the very end of her table, down where no one ever even thought to approach her, Audriell made the scary walk over to where she used to sit, next to Terry Boot and across from Morag. Michael Corner, who was on her left, did a literal, very obvious double-take that made Audriell blush for real underneath her painted-on face. Anthony Goldstein, who used to be her study partner for Transfiguration, grinned easily at her. He was the only one of her old friends who didn't look the least bit surprised that she had come back to them. Because of this, it was Anthony that Audriell chose to try speaking to.

"How about that last Potions essay?" she said, adding a little smile at the end. "I had to stay up half the night just to get the research for it done."
"Me too! I don't know what he was thinking, giving us an essay on a new potion and expecting sixteen inches' worth in two days."

Audriell was quite conscious of the others staring blankly at her still. It was to be expected, she supposed. After all, most of them had never quite gotten over the news that she was part banshee... and three weeks was eons when you were growing away from someone.

"Hey, you mind taking a look at what I've got before class? There's a bit about the gurdyroot that I think I might have mixed up a little," Anthony said. Now Dria's smile wasn't forced. It was almost like old times.

"Absolutely! Do you mind taking a look at my introduction?" They both dug through our bags, pulling out the essays. Now, this kind of conversation was so commonplace in Ravenclaw that it lulled the others into a sense of rightness, of security. Conversations sprung up, silverware dinged against dishes, and Audriell was back.

***

It wasn't until later, partway through that day's Ancient Runes lesson, that Audriell realized that there was one bit of her venture back into the realm of the living that hadn't gone quite right. Morag had not spoken a word to her, not all day. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time he had so much as looked at her.

This startling realization knocked the knowledge that this was at least mostly her own fault. In that moment, she felt none of the vague guilt that she had carried since this whole sorry mess had started. It had been replaced by contempt and the sense that she had been wronged.
After class, she hunted Morag down. He was, strangely, sitting with a few Gryffindors. One of them was Seamus Finnegan. Audriell didn't know how to handle seeing him outside of class, so she focused her attention on Morag.

"You owe me licorice wands, I think," she said. Dria didn't bother forcing a smile for him- he would know that it was fake, anyway. Always, her friend had been able to read her perfectly.

Despite her serious expression, Morag burst into a grin. He rifled through his satchel for only a moment before producing an impressively large bag of licorice. Silently, he offered them to her.

Not quite sure how to react, Audriell took the bag from him. "Thanks," she said quietly. Suddenly, she was all too aware of the way that her right arm was hanging awkwardly at her side, of her hair, which hadn't been touched since that morning and had to be getting quite wild, of the strange way that her clothes were hanging on her. Shyness forced her into silence.

Morag understood this. He also understood that the separation had been as hard on Audriell as it had been on him, despite the funny little fact of it being her fault. He reached out and wrapped his arms around her, feeling how frail she had become. She nuzzled her head into his chest, suddenly feeling like she was going to cry.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. The words were muffled, but he understood nonetheless.

"I need to get to class," Morag said with visible regret, "but do you fancy a game of chess after dinner?" They released each other and stood, grinning.

"Yeah! Can I be white?"

"I'll think about it." He started to turn away, then stopped. "You know, Seamus was just telling me how much trouble he's having turning vinegar into wine. You've always been good at that sort of thing."
Audriell looked to Seamus. He was staring straight at her, his eyes fixed on her own red ones. Dria was unused to direct eye contact- after all, who would want to look at hers? They were creepy- and found herself quite captivated.

It was impossible to tell how long they stood that way, but Dria later thought that it must have seemed longer than it was. Finally, Seamus said, "Oh, really? Would you mind helping me out a bit?"

In an effort to look casual, Dria shrugged. "Sure. Is now good for you, though? It's my only free period today."

Seamus smiled at her and took a step away from his friends. "Lead the way."

Together, the pair went to the Charms classroom, which was conveniently empty. Settling down with two vials of vinegar, they each attempted the charm. The vial in front of Audriell instantly purpled. Seamus', however, bubbled a bit before a curdled looking mass floated up to the top.

"I'll admit, I'm a little impressed," Audriell said to him, attempting to choke back a laugh. "I didn't know that could happen."

"I did," Seamus confessed. "It's happened a time or two before."

"Try again, why don't you? I'll watch closer this time."
Seamus attempted the charm again and Audriell noted that his wand was making an odd flicking motion at the end. The same strange mass bubbled out of the vinegar again.

"Alright, I think I've got it. One more try, please." Before Seamus could do anything, Dria wrapped her hand around his where it held his wand. He glanced up at her for the briefest of instants before focusing his attention back on the task at hand. When he said the incantation, she guided his hand through the proper wand movement. The liquid in his flask changed to he same purple as hers, though there were still unappealing masses floating on it from before.

"Blimey. You ever thought about going into teaching?" Seamus asked. Audriell thought that he was only slightly kidding.

"Can't say I have. I did go through a period in third year where my greatest ambition was to be a curse breaker, though."

"But that's not what you want to do now?" he asked. Dria liked that he didn't seem at all surprised or concerned like anyone else she had ever shared this ambition with.

"The trouble is that I would almost certainly have as good a chance at breaking the curses as I would of breaking myself." She found that it was quite beyond her not to meet his eyes just then. The way he looked at her was something she had no experience with. Rather than seeing an image, she felt like he was looking at who she really was. It was a wondrous thing.

"How about you? Have you thought about what you'd want to do?" She felt that it was only fair to ask. Besides, feeling like maybe he knew her made her want to know him.

"I thought maybe I'd get into architecture. I destroy enough things. Might as well build some back up too, right?" Audriell smiled. She liked the sound of that, the sense it made.

"I think you'll be good at it."

He considered her for a moment and must have decided that she meant it, because he said in a grave voice, "Thank you."

Audriell found herself reluctant to leave his company. She must have been lonely, she reasoned. Now that her self-imposed exile had been lifted, she had to make up for lost socialization.

"I haven't been by the lake in a while. Walk down with me?" she offered. Clearly, their Charms session was over. Mission accomplished, and all that.

Seamus did seem a little surprised by the offer, but Audriell thought that maybe mixed in with that was a little happiness, too.

On the walk down, Audriell remembered one of the good bits about having hid herself away from everyone- the impulse to fill silence was never there when you were alone.

Still, Seamus didn't seem too bothered by the quiet, so Dria tried to shake off her discomfort.

It didn't work.

She was just opening her mouth- to say what, she still hadn't decided- when he spoke up. "What's been going on with you lately?"

For a moment, she thought about asking what he meant, if only to buy time. But she could tell from the look on her face that evasion would get her nowhere. "I've been busy with my schoolwork."

"Dria." This was the first time that he had called her by her nickname. Somehow, that made her feel like they were much closer than they really were. "I know that you're in Ravenclaw and all, but really, there's no way you were working that hard. You disappeared. If you weren't in class, I couldn't find you anywhere."

"I spent most of my time in the library," she protested. Had he really been looking for her? Well, if that was the case, it would have been a little foolish to have missed the library. As he had said, she was a Ravenclaw.

"I looked there." A look of unease passed across his face. Audriell decided against telling him that she had sat in the middle of one of the stacks in the back, near the books on different kinds of magical fungi, so as not to be seen. Only one person had gone down that aisle in all the time that she'd been there, a Gryffindor called Longbottom, and he had paid her no mind.

"Strange," was all she decided to say on the matter. Audriell tried to repress her next question, but couldn't help herself. "Why were you looking for me?"

"I was worried. You've been looking very unwell in class." Seamus had seriously considered following her to see where it was that she was always disappearing to, but had never worked up the courage. After all, it wasn't something that he had had much luck with in the past.

"I've been a little down."

"You've been beating yourself up, you mean," he surmised. From what Morag had been telling him, it sounded like Audriell had been punishing herself. For what, he had wondered.

He'd had to think a moment before remembering that she was something that many- himself included, except where she was concerned- feared above all else. Lately, he just hadn't been able to look at her as a banshee. She was back to who she'd always been in his eyes- brilliant and lovely and far too hard on herself.

"No." She reconsidered this and amended, "Well, maybe a little."

"I'm going to be watching you very closely," he warned her. "If you do this again, I'm not letting you get away with it next time."

She raised her brows. "You don't even know me."

At this, Seamus was quiet. In fact, he had been watching her for years now. He knew things he bet her closest friends hadn't even noticed. Things like the way her right wrist always ended up ink smeared when she got really focused on an assignment, or the way that she would tug on her right ear whenever she was frustrated. Her not knowing him didn't mean he didn't know her.

They reached the lake and both let the subject drop, just as they dropped unceremoniously onto the ground. It was silent out here, except for the splashing of a few first years who had decided to take their chances against the giant squid and go swimming.

"Thanks again for helping me today," Seamus said, leaning back onto his elbows so that he could watch the clouds.

"Don't worry about it, really." If he was going to keep bringing it up, she would quit helping him out. It was embarrassing. Audriell glanced over at Seamus and leaned back the way he had done. When he saw this, he grinned.

"Do you ever wish that you weren't a wizard at all?" she asked. Lately she had been thinking about this a lot. If she was non-magical, at least these people wouldn't keep looking at her like she was some kind of criminal. At least then she wouldn't have to spend every day worried that she would hurt someone else.

At least people like Seamus wouldn't be repulsed by her.

Seamus took his time before answering. Dria didn't know why, because all he had to say was, "Never."

"Maybe I'm the only one, then," she said to herself. Of course, being right next to her, he did hear and was concerned by this.

"What you are has helped shape who you've become, Dria. And who you've become is good. It would be a shame if that person had never existed."

"I hurt people!" she protested.

At this, he paled a little. "I thought it was just Harry."

"You don't have to sap someone's emotions out to hurt them," she replied, thinking of Morag. She had pushed him away. She thought of her mother, who had been ill with worry ever since the start of term, simply because Audriell had put her foot down and demanded to continue her education here. She thought of her ex, Jeremy, whose heart she'd broken just last spring.

"Sure, but even if you have hurt people, it wasn't on purpose."

Audriell decided against continuing the argument. After all, it wasn't a goal of hers to push Seamus away. If he was willing to look past her problems... Well, let him, she thought.

A strange sensation started building up in Audriell. She was choking with panic, she could feel every nerve in her body like all of her had been jammed into an electric current. She couldn't move, couldn't think past the pain, the intensity of it.

Seamus heard the screams coming from the swimming first years and jumped to his feet. Most of the screams were wordless shrieks of horror, but one of the children kept hollering, "Find him! Find him now!" Seamus thought he saw a stream of black hair bobbing in and out of the water- looking for someone.

Seamus had already taken two steps toward the lake and was bracing himself to jump when the most horrific sound he had heard in his life erupted from behind him. It was Audriell. She was on her knees, hands clawing at her hair, mouth wide open in a soul-tearing scream. It was a sound to tear away at the fibers of your very self. It made him want to weep, made him want to scream along with her. It made him forget, for a moment, who he even was.

She did not stop to draw breath, but kept screaming.

Seamus jumped in the water. There was nothing he could do for her, nothing except try to prevent the death that she was predicting.