Go on, Scream

Seamus and Audriell exchanged long, wary glances from across their library table. Seamus pushed away his schoolwork and shut his books, forfeiting any illusion of studying. This seemed to snap Audriell out of her reverie. “Seamus,” Audriell said, “I want to apologize for running off on you the other day.”

Seamus raised his brows deliberately. “Oh?”

Of course he wasn’t going to make this easy on her, Audriell thought. She didn’t deserve for him to. “Yes, of course. It was incredibly rude of me. I was just panicked.”

“What about?” Seamus asked, though he was fairly certain that she wouldn’t give him a proper answer to that. He was even more certain that he knew the answer, anyway. She had seen the way her eyes went wide when she looked at him and the look of dawning comprehension there. She had realized, he thought, that he was in love with her.

But… if that was the case, why had she sought him out now? Surely not just because of a guilty conscience?

Audriell gave a rueful smile. “Do I not have enough reason to panic?” she asked. “Pick one.” Seamus regarded her silently, refusing to play along with her avoidance. It was okay if she didn’t want to answer him, but he wouldn’t allow himself to be lied to or misled. While Seamus watched her, Audriell started fidgeting. She pulled out a bit of parchment and set to work twisting it and tearing it up into little pieces. It took her a while to get through the whole thing. All the while, Seamus sat quietly, thinking about how best to handle this situation. It felt… tenuous. Like one false step could send them plummeting down, and like the fall would not be a pleasant one.

Audriell seemed surprised when she ran out of paper to shred. Then she smiled softly, pulled out her wand, and made her paper whole again. She was just about to start the shredding process over again when Seamus reached across the table and took hold of her hand. Audriell inhaled sharply. “Seamus, I think that we need to have an uncomfortable conversation,” she said.

Seamus inclined his head. “Aye, we do. Would you like to start?”

Dria huffed. Of course she wouldn’t. But, since she had been the one to start this, it hardly seemed fair to back down now. “I hardly know where to begin,” Dria confessed. Best to be as simple as possible, she thought. “What happened with Anthony, it can’t be allowed to happen again.” There, that was simple enough. She watched Seamus’ expression closely, trying to determine whether he had understood her meaning.

A grin flashed across his face, gone almost before it started. “I agree,” he said. And Seamus thought that he could see where this was going: she was afraid. It was natural for her to be afraid of herself in emotional situations. She just had to see that it was possible for her to control herself. Of course it had to be possible- how else could her parents have ever been together? Seamus thought that the best time- maybe the only time- to prove this to Dria was now, before she started to doubt or forbade him from doing it. So it was that, entirely without warning, Seamus leaned over the desk and kissed her.

Seamus kept it brief, knowing how dangerous it could be to surprise Audriell. Then he sat back down and watched, amused, as a series of expressions flicked across her face. Surprise was the main culprit, and kept returning, though Seamus caught flashes of mild anger and… flattery? Maybe- was he imagining it?- happiness?

“Seamus!” Audriell protested once she had gathered her wits. She sat there, staring at him and saying no more.

“Yes?” Seamus prompted.

“That wasn’t very smart,” she accused.

“Well, you are the Ravenclaw here,” Seamus pointed out smugly. “And you have to admit, it is pretty brave of me to confront my deepest fear. That’s how you know that I’m the Gryffindor.”

Audriell looked hurt before she realized what he was talking about: not a personal fear of her, but a long-standing fear of banshees. A laugh was startled out of her. “Brave,” she repeated. “Or pigheaded.”

A veil-thin silence settled over the pair as each tried and failed to figure out how to proceed. Finally, Seamus said, “Goodness, Dria, would you please tell me what you’re thinking?”

“Oh. Well, I’m weighing pros and cons,” she said. “The cons are winning, if you want to know,” Dria added matter-of-factly.

Seamus grimaced. “Maybe I didn’t want to know.” Still… “You should know that I trust you absolutely,” he assured her.

“I think that might make it worse. You really shouldn’t. I can’t do this. I can’t put you in danger, Seamus, and danger is all that I have to offer you right now.”

Seamus quirked one brow. “Right now, eh? And what about later?”

“Please be serious.”

“I am. Dria, I don’t think that you should give up on having experiences just because you might lose control. You could lose control from keeping everything bottled up the way you do, too. Don’t you ever feel the pressure of it?” Dria nodded unwillingly. Yes, all the time she felt like a dam about to burst. But didn’t he see that it was too dangerous for her to let go of that? Too dangerous by far.

Audriell sighed. “I’m sorry, Seamus.” She started gathering up her belongings, but Seamus stood and snatched her Defense Against the Dark Arts book away from her.

Why were people always stealing that?

“No. You don’t get to walk out on me like this,” Seamus said.

Dria went pale, and her eyes seemed to flare to life. Their eerie red color bore into him and he fought back a shudder of fear. Then Dria sagged down in her chair, looking utterly spent. “I can feel it, you know- your fear. I can feel every emotion coming off of you.”

“Oh?” Seamus wondered how she felt about that.

He didn’t have to wonder for very long. “It makes me hungry,” Audriell said. “I don’t know how my mother deals with this. She’s gotten very good, over the years. I haven’t seen her properly recharged in ages.”

Recharged? It took Seamus a moment to realize that this must be how Audriell thought about the vibrant feeling that always overtook her after she drained emotions from someone around her. He grimaced. “See?” he said. “Then it must be possible for you to do it, too. It will just take practice.”

“What?” Audriell snapped. “And I’m just supposed to sit back and let you endanger yourself in the meantime? You have to stay away from me. Don’t you see that? I can’t stand for you to get hurt.” Finally, Audriell’s eyes met Seamus’ again. They met and held, and Seamus could feel a kind of electricity building up in the air between them.

Attraction, that’s what it was. Pure and simple.

Why, then, had everything turned so complicated? Seamus shook his head, looking away from Dria’s piercing gaze. He forced himself to think about what it would be like if he did what she was asking- if he simply stayed away from her. If they never talked again, if they became just classmates. If he never got to look into those eyes again. If he never got to kiss her properly.

Each new dimension of their separation caused a new stabbing pain in Seamus, but he kept going over it in his mind, adding to the tally. What if he didn’t get to help her through this rough patch of hers? If he made himself sit back and watch her be miserable and alone and didn’t try to make it better? Aah! Seamus shuddered. That one hurt most of all. He had never been one for avoidance. Better to face problems head-on than to slink away from them.

Seamus looked back up at Audriell and found that she had curled in on herself. Her head was tucked down between her chest and her knees and her arms were wrapped around herself tightly, fingers clutching at the cloak that she wore despite the recent warm in the weather. Seamus didn’t realize until he saw her shoulders shaking that she was crying.

He was out of his seat in an instant. Seamus gripped Audriell by her upper arms and pulled her out of the chair. She only uncurled herself at the last second, saving herself from hitting the ground. Seamus pulled her against himself and held her until her weeping had turned to just the occasional tremble. Seamus stroked her hair, something that he had never before been allowed to do. He could have stood there for ages, just holding her.

All too soon, though, Dria was pushing him away and wiping ruefully at her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I just… this is so hard. I don’t know what the right thing is anymore. Seamus… I’m so sorry. I have never felt pain like that before, except for that afternoon by the lake. I didn’t realize… I didn’t know that you were so… I didn’t think it would hurt you like that.”

“It isn’t your fault,” Seamus assured her. “But do you understand now? It’s too late to push me away.”

“I’ll be the death of you.”

“Nonsense. We’ll be careful. You’ll be careful.” Seamus said this with utter confidence and didn’t dare let himself think about all of the things that could go wrong if he got his way. That would only lead to uncertainty, which was the last thing that Audriell needed to feel off of him.

“I don’t know,” she said quietly, but Seamus could tell that she was wavering. “Let’s get out of here,” she said abruptly, turning away and picking up her books.

“Where to?” Seamus asked. He picked up his own books and plucked Audriell’s out of her grasp, then used his free hand to hold one of hers.

Audriell looked down at their clasped hands and seemed like she was about to protest, but then she shut her mouth and shook her head a little. “Just follow me.”

Seamus figured out quickly enough that she was taking him to her favorite classroom, the one that was hardly ever in use. It had become more of a storage room over the years, with stacks of broken chairs and desks.

What was the point of having broken things in a school filled with wizards?

Audriell shut the door and sat down against it. Seamus followed suit. He grabbed her knees, which were pulled up against her, and pulled on them so that she had no choice but to face him. “That’s better,” Seamus said quietly. They sat silently, knee to knee, for a long moment. Audriell was the one to move things forward. She leaned forward and kissed Seamus, kissed him the way that he had wanted to earlier. He tried to pull away to make sure that Dria didn’t get overwhelmed, but she grabbed tightly onto his shirt, insisting that he stay just where he was. When they did break apart, Dria was dizzy from lack of air. She did her best not to heave too much, but quickly gave up on that.

“That was easier,” she said in a gasping voice. “I think it was the lack of surprise. And I didn’t even want to take your emotions. Not at all.” Her voice was full of wonder as she said this, and her eyes were latched adoringly onto Seamus’. “I wanted you to keep your happiness. I care enough about you for that. And besides, I had enough pleasant emotions of my own. You weren’t even a little bit in danger.”

Seamus’ stomach lurched. He hadn’t even considered for an instant the possibility that she would hurt him… but it seemed like Dria had originally thought it an inevitability. Again, Seamus embraced his positive emotions and pushed aside the negative ones. No need to upset Audriell. Instead, he leaned back toward her and nipped at her bottom lip. Audriell gave a surprised laugh and hugged him with enough force that Seamus fell backwards onto the floor with Dria on top of him. Both stopped laughing and stared at each other, both apprehensive and thrilled. Seamus gently took Audriell’s chin and held her steady while he gave her a slower, more lingering kiss. “Does this mean that you’re willing to give us a try?” he asked.

Audriell beamed down at him for a moment before sitting up and straightening her clothes. “Yes, absolutely. Now can we please go get some lunch? I’m half starved.” Seamus let himself be pulled out of the room. He would have followed her anywhere… but lunch was a good start.