Only Up From Here

The car ride to the funeral home was silent; not even John dared to speak. When we got to the funeral home there where only a few cars in the lot as we got an hour to ourselves to mourn those we lost before others came to pay their own respects. I stepped out of the car and took a deep breath; it seemed like only yesterday I was here. I just stood there and stared at the building but I didn’t take any steps forward. My mind screamed at me to move but my body didn’t want to react; so there I stood.

I watched as John went in just assuming I was following not even realizing I was still standing quietly by my car door. Brock however, noticed when he didn’t hear my heels clicking next to him, he turned to look at me.

Brock’s P.O.V.

Kali Jo was just standing there, she was looking right through me at that building as though at any moment it would burst into flame and take us all. She looked sad, exhausted, but most of all she looked scared. I walked towards her even though I was still a little mad at her myself I knew she needed a friend to get her through this.

“Kali?” Her eyes continued to stare passed me to the building, “Kali Jo?” This time I brushed my hand along her arm. Her eyes quickly snapped to mine and anger flashed in them but only for a moment, then it was gone.

It seems now instead of the building she is only staring at me, “Are you ready to go in?” She only nodded her head yes.

I took her arm through my own and together we walked towards the funeral home. As we entered and again she stopped, she looked at the waiting room, the stairs we would walk up, and the door to our right. I heard her take one deep breath then release it in a rigid way. I helped her up the stairs and together we walked down the long hall to the entryway of the room where her parents lay in caskets.

Picture boards that we had built in the last few days lined the hallway and the rooms’ walls, Kali only looked at her feet or at me. I think she was afraid to look anywhere else. There was a television in the corner and it was playing the DVD slide show I had put together with the pictures Kali had on her computer I wasn’t sure if John had told her about it. When she heard the music from it she looked up and instantly tears filled her eyes.

“Kali are you OK?”

“Who made this?” Her eyes didn’t leave the screen.

Obviously no one told her, “I did.”

Now her head turned and again those deep blue eyes met mine. “How?”

“John allowed me to use your parents computers and the pictures you gave me to make it. I am sorry if you don’t like it.”

“Brock this is the sweetest thing you could have done! My parents made one for my brother and each person that wanted one got one, including myself. Now I will have one for them as well.” All of a sudden her arms wrapped around me in a hug; once the shock wore off I hugged her in return.

We stood in silence my arm around her shoulder and hers around my waist and we watched the whole thing from beginning to end. After it was over I noticed Kali’s tears and turned and looked at her. Reaching up I wiped the tears from her face and together we walked from board to board. She told me small stories about some of the pictures and pointed out her brother or other family members.

The next part was the hardest thing I think I have ever watched someone go threw in my entire life. As we rounded a small corner the caskets of both her parents came into view. Kali froze and for a second I didn’t think she would be able to move forward. Then slowly she took a step, then another. She stopped to read every card there was for each bouquet of flowers, I think it was her coping mechanism.

Kali Jo’s P.O.V.

As I approached the first casket tears spilled down my face, there was no point in trying to stop them. Up until this point I had felt pretty numb, almost immune to the pain of them being gone, but at that moment it was like someone took my heart and ran it threw a blender.

My mom lay in the first casket, looking as though she was asleep. She looked like my mother though, soft chocolate brown hair that reached her shoulders, tan skin, light amounts of makeup, and I knew under those closed eye lids where her golden brown eyes. The only thing that looked different was the amounts of bruising and cuts on her arms and face. You could tell makeup had been applied but it just didn’t seem to take away the coloring that came with a bruise. I laid a rose in her arms and slowly, cautiously bent down and kissed her cheek. I also added a small angel, the same one that I had put in my brothers casket a year ago, that said,

“I don’t know where this road is going to lead, All I know is where we’ve been, And what we have been through. And I’ll take with me the memories, to be my sunshine after the rain.”

My dad lay next to my mom, head to head, how I always knew they should be. He didn’t look like my mom did, the cuts on his face really showed through the makeup and the bruising near the left side of his head was to difficult to cover with makeup, even though they tried. His tanned skin looked pale but at least his dirty blonde hair was just as he always had it. Again I knew under those closed eyes were the only thing no one could ever touch, my dad’s green eyes. I bent down and kissed him and laid the angel near his left arm, and then I placed a rose over his hands and ran.

“Kali!?” I heard Brock call my name but I didn’t stop. I ran through the funeral home and out the door. I took one look around and ran to the back, to the same spot I went almost a year ago. “Kali?” Again I kept going.

I came to the bench and I sat down, slowly and carefully I closed my eyes and bowed my head. I wasn’t a very religious person, I didn’t go to church every Sunday but I prayed as often as anyone who did. I dropped my head and prayed. I prayed my parents and brother where together and safe, that God and them would help me through this hard time, I prayed for guidance and forgiveness. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder.

Brock’s P.O.V.

I ran after her, once I saw where she went I walked slowly to her. I knew she was praying the moment she sat down on that bench and I didn’t want to interrupt her. I gave her five or ten minutes before I actually sat and put my arm around her shoulder. She leaned her head into my shoulder and cried. I was never good with people who cried but Kali was easy to handle. I ran my hands through her hair and slowly kissed the top of her head. When she started to quiet down I finally spoke.

“I know I don’t know your parents but I am so sorry for everything, they seem like amazing people. I know you are going to hear that a lot today and it is going to get old but I swear I mean it.” She shook her head. “We are going to have to go back in soon, I don’t think you want to leave John in there by himself when people start to arrive.”

“Yeah, OK.” We stood together and I walked with her wrapped close to me into the funeral home.

We found John and the two stood there and waited. People soon came flooding in and I sat in a chair and watched. There were a lot of tears from the people who came through and a lot of hugs for both Kali and John. No one really seemed to notice me and I was glad, the last thing Kali would need is questions about me. While people came through the line and hugged her Kali's eyes stayed dry and I think she was trying to be strong, but I knew on the inside she was crumbling.

The day seemed to fly by for me but I could tell Kali was getting tired and restless. As the last people left I walked with Kali to the front where once again she kissed her parents and said, “Goodnight mom, goodnight dad, I love you both.” That was it. Just like that her tears she was crying were done and we walked to the truck. On the way home I noticed she feel asleep and when we got to the ranch I didn’t want to wake her.

“John?”

“Yeah Brock?” He looked tired and the bags under his eyes seemed to have gotten bigger in the last few hours.

“I am going to carry her into bed I will see you in the morning.”

“Alright thank you again Brock for being there today. Don’t worry about getting up early either, I have a neighbor boy coming in to help to give the three of us a break.”

“Thank you for that.” I was tired and I really could use some sleep.

“Now get my girl to bed we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.” He clapped me once on the shoulder and headed for his “house”.

I carefully picked up Kali and carried her into the house. As we got to her room I laid her on the bed and pulled her high heals off. I kissed her forehead and brushed her hair away from her face, she looked so beautiful even with her tear stained face.

I walked to the door and turned around one last time slowly shutting it. I heard a noise came from Kali’s mouth and I stopped.

“Brock?” I heard her speak a second time and mentally kicked myself for not being quiet enough.

I walked back slowly, “Yeah Kali Jo?”

“Can you just stay with me?” I was shocked; I knew all she ever thought about was Kelly and I.

“Of course.” To be honest Kelly and I were on the rocks ever since this entire thing happened. I gave her an ultimatum just the other day she could move here with me for a few months or we were done. She was still thinking about it as far as I knew.

I crawled into bed and Kali laid her head on my shoulder. I began to brush her hair with my fingers and once I knew she was asleep I kissed the top of her head softly. “Goodnight Kali Jo.”