Only Up From Here

As I entered the barn I saw no one. I stood in the doorway looking around in the dim light hoping to catch a glimpse of Kali but I didn’t see her. I started to walk down the long isle petting the horses as I went. I heard Boss and Shane ride away and let out a long breath. As I got towards the end of the barn, where the ladder was leading to the hayloft I heard a sob.

“Kali?” When there was no answer I called a little louder, “Kali Jo?”

I started up the steps only to hear the crying getting louder. As I reached the top there she was, nestled in the hay headed buried in her tucked up knees sobbing.

“Kali Jo what is the matter?” I went to her wrapping her in my arms.

“I just-“ through sobs I tried to make out what she was saying, “I just---I just--- I---I”

“Ssshhh Kali it’s OK.” I held her closer and she burrowed into my chest. She tried to catch her breath through sobs but even that seemed to be a struggle. I ran my hand threw her hair and down her back. I kissed the top of her head and rocked until finally she started to calm. “What happened Kali? Why are you so upset?

“He did it. Or he took part in it.” She sniffled a few times as she spoke up for the most part the tears had stopped.

“What are you talking about?” I turned so I could see her face still red with tears.

“Shane, he did something to my parents and I think he thinks you know.” She was making no sense, I knew she suspected but the fact she all of a sudden knew didn’t make any sense at all. “Why else would he react the way he did?”

“The way he did to what?”

“Us living together! He got so angry and so upset so fast. There was no reason for that.” I could see the tears welling behind her eyes again.

I kissed the top of her head before I spoke again, “You’re right there was no reason for that. But the fact that he reacted that way doesn’t prove he played a part in anything. It only proves that he really likes you and hates me. He even told me he would apologize tomorrow before the trail ride.”

“What?” She looked shocked, “We are not still going with him. I don’t want to see him. I know what he did. I can’t put on this act anymore.”

“Kali this act has barely started!”

She glared at me and stood.

“Kali just wait a second! If we don’t go on this ride tomorrow then we may never know for sure. I know you have this hunch but we can’t condemn a guy based on a hunch.”

She started to walk to the stairs when I stood and caught her hand. “Let me go Brock.”

“Kali, I believe you.”

She stopped and looked up at me eyes welling with tears, “You do?”

“Of course I do!”

“Well then why didn’t you just say that?”

“Because we need proof Kali Jo. If we are going to get this kid I want to nail him to the wall.”

“But you believe that I am right?”

I leaned down and kissed her, “I will always believe you.” I leaned my forehead against hers.

Hand and hand we walked back to the house thinking of only tomorrow and what this ride would bring. As we climbed the stairs Kali called John and wished him a good night. As she hung up we both crawled into her parents old bed and I just held her while she cried.

Kali’s POV

I couldn’t stop crying. I just lay there all curled up on Brock’s chest bawling my eyes out but I couldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried. I cried for my fight with John, my parent’s deaths, my brother’s death, the loneliness I felt even though I had so much love around me, but most of all I cried in fear.
What was I getting into? What was I getting Brock and John into? Was it fair of me to ask for their help? Should I have just gone to the police with my suspicions? What danger was I putting everyone in? If Shane did do something to kill my parents what was to stop him from keeping it a secret?

The next morning I woke eyes swollen and puffy tear stains on Brock’s chest. As I slowly started to move Brock’s grip tightened around me.

“Not yet.” It was almost a whisper.

I curled back into him, “I have to get up and get ready for this torture of today.”

Brock rolled over so quickly I barely knew what happened. He had my arms pinned above my head and as my eyes widened he leaned down and kissed me. My world stopped, and then it all started to spin. With my hands pinned above my head and his lips on mine nothing about today mattered.

“Brock!” Between kisses I whispered his name, “Brock.”

“Kali Jo…” He said my name so innocent so sweet like no one else has ever said it and I lost my mind.
I leaned up and found his lips with my own, kissing him the only way I knew how. One of his hands slid down to my neck and pulled me in closer. My legs wrapped around his and it was easy to never want to stop. His lips traced my jaw line to my ear and down my neck to the top of my collarbone.

“Brock…” I all but moaned.

“Yeah?” His eyes found mine.

“We have to get ready, we have to get out of bed, and we have to stop this.” His lips crushed into mine again.

“I don’t want to stop.” He kissed me again and again.

“I’m not ready.” I was breathless, wanting him, and trying to convince myself otherwise was not easy.

“OK.” He kissed me again, then my forehead, and finally the tip of my nose. He stood and ran his hands over his face. “I’m going to go take a nice cold shower.” He chuckled as I laughed and walked out of the room.

I laid in my bed a little while longer wondering why I stopped. I knew why though. I hadn’t had sex since… and well I just wasn’t ready yet. I stood and grabbed my clothes and jumped in the shower myself.