Haunted

When I woke up the next day, Isabelle had already gone out to work so I had the house to myself. It was nine thirty which gave me an hour and a half until Xander arrived. My nerves were taking over and I couldn’t decide what to wear. It was one of those times when you could try on every outfit in the world and not one would be good enough. After twenty minutes of stressing, I settled on a pink floral dress with some blue wedges and a faded blue denim jacket. (http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=58449598 )
“You look beautiful,” Xander smiled when he arrived, softly giving me a kiss on the cheek. I blushed, hoping it was hidden by the make-up I was wearing.
“Thank you.” We went outside and got in the car. “So where’s Jesse and the others?” Jesse was the producer of Xander’s new album.
“They’re meeting us there,” he explained absentmindedly. I nodded. We went the rest of the journey in silence. I didn’t know what to say, so instead I watched his hands drumming roughly on the steering wheel. I listened to the sound of him breathing softly. I searched for a sign – any sign – that he cared about me as much as I did him. As much as I loved him, there were feelings of hatred too. Since he’d come into the picture, everything had been overcomplicated. I knew clearly what I wanted but now I wasn’t so sure. Liam – the abusive, violent, drunk that no matter how much I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t live without. Or Xander – the famous, slightly obnoxious player that had me sneakily caught up in his beautiful, charming perfectness. Any sane person would run a mile from either of those. But I wasn’t sane, that much was clear. I was manipulated by their intoxicating perfectness that gave me reason to keep fighting, regardless of how much it killed me.

Four hours later, three more tracks were recorded for the album and Xander and I were sitting at a small table outside Starbucks, enjoying the usual sunny weather. “Danni, what’s wrong?” he asked quietly, proving that my attempt at hiding my emotions from him had failed.
“What do you mean?” I quizzed, trying to sound as casual as I could, even though I knew it didn’t fool him.
“All day you’ve been quiet and distant. I know when something is bothering you.”
“I’m fine.”
“You know about Leven.” It was hard to work out if that was a statement or a question. Or both.
“What?” I cried, switching my casual tone to a surprised one.
“Isabelle told me you know about Leven.”
“Yeah, why didn’t you tell me about her?” I snapped, anger suddenly building inside me. He reached across the table and gripped my hand, his touch setting my skin on fire. I kept my gaze firmly on the ground, scared to look him in the eye.
“I’m sorry. I’m not even sure what’s going on with her. One minute we’re together, the next we’re not. We don’t want it getting out because, well, you know what reporters are like; spreads like wildfire and shit.”
“And you can’t trust me to keep quiet?”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. Danni, I love you but we only just met. You know as well as I do, people aren’t always what they seem. I just wanted to get to know you better first.” I didn’t respond straight away; my brain was struggling to process everything. The thing with Xander was that it was impossible to hate him. That fact only made me want to hate him more. But no, no matter how hard I tried, hating him felt wrong. There was just one more question that needed answering.
“Why did you kiss me then?” Letting go of my hand, he sat back in his seat and sighed.
“I don’t even know.” After that, I didn’t bother pushing any further for an answer. Maybe he did it without thinking, maybe it was one of those spur-of-the-moment things – that had happened to me before. He probably felt just as crappy about it as I did. Although it probably wasn’t for the same reasons, I mean, he felt guilty because of Leven whereas I felt…god knows what I felt.
“I don’t love her…if that helps,” he said, after a few minutes of silence.
“Then why are you dating her?”
“You know,” he sighed, raising his eyebrows and I knew what he meant. “It’s not like that’s the only reason though, I’m not like that.” But I knew he was lying. “I do like her; I just don’t do the whole true love thing. I never have done, never will.” I sighed, not sure what I believed anymore. After a few minutes of unbearable silence, Xander spoke up.
“Oh I forgot, I got you something,” he exclaimed, taking out a small box.
“Wow thanks,” I smiled.
“Open it.” I carefully untied the ribbon and opened the box to reveal a beautiful silver Shimla bracelet that must have cost him no less than ninety dollars.
“Xander this is beautiful,” I cried, giving him a hug.
“Really? I didn’t know if you’d like it or not.”
“No, I love it.”