Haunted

“What’s wrong?” Isabelle asked me, as we ate dinner later that night.
“Nothing,” I said, faking a smile.
“Don’t lie to me,” she frowned. I shrugged, knowing I wouldn’t be able to get the words out without bursting into tears.
“Xander?” she asked. It scared me how she could read my thoughts better than a bloody psychic could. I nodded, trying to look like I wasn’t too bothered.
“He’ll calm down; he just struggles to deal with Leven when she’s being like this.”
“It’s hardly Leven’s fault though. Anyone would get suspicious if their boyfriend was buying some other girl expensive jewelry.”
“That’s the point. If she doesn’t trust him enough to believe him when he says you two are not dating, then she shouldn’t even be with him. A relationship without trust is like a car without petrol: it can’t go anywhere.” I shrugged again, fighting to hold back tears.
“Everything was fine until I came along and now everyone’s falling out.”
“Oh please, that’s not your fault. Xander and Leven were falling out way before you came along.” We sat in silence for a few minutes before I got up, put my plate in the sink and went to bed. My thoughts were rushing at a hundred miles an hour, giving me a ridiculous headache. Taking a couple of aspirins, I turned on my laptop and went onto my Twitter. Why did I find? Thousands of hateful, nasty and threatening tweets from Xander’s fans. I wanted to cry. Liam was right all along. No one wanted me. Xander didn’t want me. Clearly, Xander’s fans didn’t want me. Leven didn’t want me. Isabelle probably didn’t want me either. I sat for hours over-thinking everything, only making myself feel crappier than I already did. There was no point fighting for the impossible. I needed to fix my mistakes, whatever the consequences.

Early the next morning, before Isabelle had woken up, I packed my bags and left a note. Then I got in my car and went round to Liam’s. Thankfully, I still had my own set of keys since he’d most probably still be asleep. Silently opening the door, I poked my head into the living room to see Liam passed out on the couch, a bottle of beer in his hands. I rolled my eyes and went into the kitchen to boil the kettle. The house was in a right state and absolutely stunk of alcohol. By the looks of things, he hadn’t done a bit of washing up since I’d left. I quickly cleaned a mug and made some tea. I jumped, feeling a hand on my shoulder. “You’re back,” he muttered, smirking to himself.
“Yeah,” I said, forcing a smile.
“Where have you been staying?” he asked, his tone flat and his voice expressionless.
“In a hotel,” I lied. The last thing I needed was Liam tracking Isabelle down.
“Which hotel?”
“You know, the one by the gas station about a mile away.” He nodded.
“What have you been up to?”
“Work mainly, I went round Elisha’s a couple of times, what about you?” He decided not to answer.

As expected, the rest of that day was spent sat in silence. Isabelle and Xander had phoned me several times but I didn’t bother answering. There wasn’t any point. Plus, Liam would get suspicious which I really did not want. The next morning I had to work. I left before Liam had woken up, partly because I wanted to visit Ryan but also because I couldn’t bear the stony silence. I left him a note, saying that I’d been called into work early. By the time Liam woke up, I would be finished at the cemetery and at work anyway. Still, I phoned Sue on reception and asked her to cover for me, just in case Liam went in to check again.

It was a boiling hot day so clearly, everyone had decided to pay a visit to the cemetery. Haha great. I carefully placed half a dozen white roses by the gravestone, said a silent prayer and informed Ryan on everything that had happened. I wondered if he could actually hear. I was a bit of an agnostic. I wasn’t sure if I believed in Heaven and Hell or the afterlife or what. I hoped so much that there was a God somewhere, looking after my beautiful baby boy. The thing I really couldn’t understand was, if there was a God, why did he let Ryan die in the first place. Sure some people need to die, otherwise the world would be hugely overcrowded but why Ryan? Why not a pedophile? Why not a serial killer? Why kill someone who hasn’t even lived? I wiped my tears with my sleeve, not wanting anyone to see. Shit, it was eight forty five. I had fifteen minutes till I had to be at work. Pulling myself together, I picked up my bag and rushed back to the car.

“Hey Sue, sorry I’m a bit late, did Liam come in at all?” I asked, wandering over to the front desk.
“Nope, you’re safe,” she laughed. Sue didn’t know what was actually going on but she was a typical blonde and would go along with whatever you told her to. “Oh wow, thanks,” I smiled. Clearly, Liam was still asleep, or he was too hung over to so much as notice that I’d gone.