Right Where You Want Me

Am I ready to marry Mike?
That question has been on my mind all day and everyday since Mike and I had that conversation. He's been gone for a few weeks now and I don't even know if it's the right thing to do. I love Mike, I do. Do I want to marry him? Maybe sometime in the future but not yet. We've only been together for a few months and it's too early to get married. I'm not that stupid but...I want to show him I love him. I want him to love me more and not risk our relationship. I was never the girl who's in a serious relationship with anyone. I've had boyfriends but they come and go. Mike stays. He's even staying and respecting my wish. Maybe he's the one for me? He's loving and caring and I trust him. He trusts in me, so why not marry the guy? We've haven't broken up these past months, and our relationship is perfect.

We have trust, respect, honesty and everything else in the book. That's good, right?

I heave a deep breath and stare at my purity ring. I play with it while I continue contemplating about marrying Mike.

"Cheli! I'm home. I brought Chinese take out!" I hear my name being called by Ryan and I look away from my ring and reply to him.

I get off my bed and head to the living room. I see Joey and Ryan taking the box of food out of their bags and onto the table. I force a grin and just forget everything that's on my mind. I didn't like the guys questioning me, so I just put on a face and sit on the table to converse with them.

Ryan's girlfriend is coming over soon and she's the only person I can vent to. So I plan on stealing her away from Ry so I can get advice from her. She's the only girl I can really trust but it just makes me sad that Ryan cheats on her.

"No sushi?" Joey looks through the bags that are on the table.

"Sushi is Japanese food, not Chinese." I inform him and he just stares at me.
"It's still Asian food."

I roll my eyes and continue eating my Chow Mein with the chopsticks. It's pretty silent on the table when usually Joey starts a conversation so basically something is wrong with each of us, because it's never awkward when we eat.

"You first," Ry puts down his glass of Coke on the table and reaches for his chopsticks. I look at Joey, he let's out a big sigh then parts his mouth.

"Girlfriend problems. You?" We face Ryan.

"Same."

"Did she finally find out how many times you cheated?" That just came out without even thinking.

"Since when do you care about Christina?" He talks with his mouth full but doesn't look at me.
I play with my food and just stay quiet. It's going to lead to an argument if I speak up. I don't like fighting so I keep quiet.

"What's wrong with you?" Joey asks and I just move my chopsticks around the box of Chow Mein.

I'm getting married next month.

"I haven't been sleeping well. I think I need a new mattress." I lie and stuff some noodles in my mouth. I know they didn't buy it so they just continue talking about other things while I look at my messages on my phone.

Mike sent me a heart and it makes me smile. I reply with a heart and a kissing face.
Within a few minutes, he replies I'll call you in five minutes. I miss you.

I lock my phone and finish eating my food before throwing the garbage away and heading to my room.

I plop down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. It has posters and blow up photos everywhere. It's my own collage. In the middle its a picture of Mike and I kissing on our two months. I grin and close my eyes. I picture myself wearing a white dress and walking down the aisle towards Mike.

I have no clue if it's going to be a traditional wedding or just a small one. I always pictured my wedding to be huge with a white puffy dress like a princess and a beautiful veil over me walking to my prince charming.

The vibration of my phone wakes me up from my thoughts. I grab my phone and answer Mike 's call.

"Hey," I smile, knowing he can't see me. I try not sound like something is bothering me because I don't even want to think about the marriage. That idea scares me right now.
"Who's my baby girl?" He says in his childlike voice which causes me to giggle. He uses that voice whenever he's going to spoil me. It should take my mind off this pondering.

"Me!" I exclaim, also using my baby voice.

He let's out laugh, "I love you, Araceli."

"I love you more. How's tour? I'm counting down the days until I get to see your handsome face again. So far only two in a half weeks are marked down on my calendar."

He let's out a nervous chuckle, "We'll soon see each other baby. I've been thinking a lot about you since I left."

I smile, "Really? You miss me that much?" I tease then grab my teddy bear next to me and hold it in my arms.

"Of course. You're all mine and I'm marrying you soon."

My smile leaves my face after he finishes talking. I remain quiet on the line and just play with the bear. I didn't know what to say. I did know it was being rushed but I can't get myself to say anything. It's just weird.

"You're not bailing out, are you?"

Hesitantly, I reply. "Of course not. I love you, Mike. I'm already looking at dresses." I fake a giggle after I lie to him. I bite onto my lower lip and play with my shirt.

"Just wondering. I'll look for a place so we can get married and you can steal my last name." He jokes.

I give him a half laugh and look back at the ceiling. I felt like crying but I didn't want to just yet.

"What's wrong? You sound upset."

I don't want to get married! Let's just wait longer. I don't think I want to make that commitment just yet.

"Ryan's girlfriend is catching up to his lies and it just makes me upset that he cheats on her. She's just so loving and sweet. Why would someone cheat? If they're not happy in that relation, leave!" I'm not technically lying, but I didn't want to tell him the truth of my sadness.
He humms and stays quiet for a minute, "It's their problem and not yours. So don't let it get to you. He probably had a reason or it was just an accident."

"Cheating isn't an 'accident.' " I raise my voice. "You can't just cheat on someone. That's not what God wants or anyone wants. He's an asshole for cheating so I hope karma gets him good one day." I run my fingers through my hair and try to stay calm. Mike just stays quiet and starts talking again. I'm still thinking about the whole 'getting married' idea and its really stressing me out.

He gets mad that I raise my voice and starts giving me his attitude. It gets me in a more bitchy mood so I start arguing back to him.

I don't have a clue what we're really fighting about so I just hang up on him then throw my phone to the side of my bed.

I grab a pillow, stuff it in my face then let out a loud frustrated noise that lasts about a minute or so. I kick my feet also and shove the pillow more down so the guys wouldn't hear.

Within a few minute, there's a knock on my door and it starts to open a little. I see a tall red hair girl smile widely at me and runs to me when I smile. She jumps on me and gives me a hug.
"I miss you!" She shouts and rolls off me and lies back down. We both look up at my pictures and I start telling her about Mike. I don't talk about him to others, so that's why I need her. She's the only one who I trust in this city.

"He basically proposed to you?"
I nod my head and press my lips together. "So after he tried having sex with you, he throws that out there?" I nod again. "That's kind of sketchy, don't you think? That's just my opinion."

I take a deep breath and roll to my side so I can face her. "How soon did you have sex with your first real relationship?"

She looks up and starts to think, "Ryan's my first real relationship so the fifth month. I take sex seriously. Even when he begged me, I kept my legs closed." She says proudly and I just chuckle. But then I slowly stop and start thinking of his stupid ass cheating.

"How long have you been with Mikey?"

"Five months already. I really do want to try it, but I made this promise and I don't intend on breaking it. I'll lose my trust with my parents and siblings."

"I'm proud that you're waiting. I don't think I could ever wait until I get married." She scrunches up her nose while smiling at me. "It just happens."

"How does it feel like? Your first time, I mean."

She heaves a deep breath and begins, "Well, first off, you don't know what to do since he's undressing you or you guys are undressing each other. Once he starts, it hurts since you're so tight and sensitive." She makes all these weird adorable faces and continues telling me the details. It really sounds fun and something I want to experience soon. But I think I can wait.
It made me want to go through with the wedding so Mike and I can try it out, well I can try it out myself. I'm actually looking forward to it.

I'm not lying to my parents. I'm getting married and I won't need to wear my ring anymore or wait any longer.

It will all pay out at the end.

I do indeed love Mike a lot. Nothing could go wrong in our relationship.