Broken Strings and Broken Dreams

Why did I feel so fucking horrible?

I had a dream about my mother. She was talking to me like when I was a kid; answering my stupid questions because when I was a kid, I loved to hear my mother talk.

Hell, my mom had a beautiful voice. It was soft and loving and her eyes sparkled when she looked at you. Her hair was always done, always perfect, and she never had to put make up on.

I missed my mom like crazy.

I missed her lullabies and her reading to me before bed. I missed her good night kisses that worked better than dream catchers, even though I loved those too.

It was times like these where it hurt to remember that she wasn't there anymore. I had to remind myself some nights because I'd go into my parents room, now only to find my dad snuggled all close with Lana and not my mother. But then I'd remember and I'd go back to my room and cry over the memories, because that's all I had left.

It was 3 in the morning and I didn't know what the fuck to do with myself. I sat there for 20 minutes, figuring out that I definitely wouldn't be sleeping again. So I pulled out my violin and I put a towel on the bottom of the door to muffle the noise and I took out my mothers favorite piece and played.

I played until the sun cracked over the mountains and light came through my curtains. I played through my alarm clock, signaling it was time for school, and I didn't stop until my dad knocked on the door, holding my little puppy, who I named Loki, because she's a trouble maker. He looked sad and I knew he knew but he didn't say anything. He kissed me on the forehead and gave me a small smile before pointing at the time on his watch.

I nodded, grabbed Loki, and shut my door, pulling random clothes on before sighing and making myself presentable, or at least reasonably so, for school.

I felt like complete fucking shit.

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I'd missed my whole first period by the time I'd gotten to school so I instantly made my way to my next class, which I had with Alex. The class had already started 5 minutes ago so when I walked in I saw Alex's face morph into one of relief.

The teacher excused me and I made my way to my usual desk next to Alex. "Why were you late today?" Alex asked and I turned to him with a grimace.

"I didn't sleep very good last night." I answered shortly and then recieved a loud 'sh!' from the front of the room. Next thing I knew there was a piece of paper being slid in front of me.

Tell me what's up?

I sighed and pulled out my pencil, checking to make sure the teacher was somewhere else.

I'll tell you at lunch.

When he read the paper I saw him look at me with a frown on his face. I sighed and grabbed the piece of paper back from his desk, checking the front of the class again before I started scribbling again.

I had a dream about my mom and I've been awake since 3 this morning. So I'm sorry if I'm a little snappy today. I'm just exhausted.

I slipped the paper back to him and he slid it under his folder as the teacher walked around and placed some of our graded papers on our desks. I looked down at my two papers that got placed in front of me and sighed. I needed to get back on top of my school work again.

I mean, I knew I wasn't failing but I didn't like having low grades and to me, a C was too low, even though it was like 2 points from a B.

I peaked over at Alex only for him to glance at me, move the paper so I couldn't see, and then stick his tongue out in a mocking way. I furrowed my eyebrows and stuck my tongue out back at him and he grinned, putting his full attention back down to whatever he was writing on our note.

I turned my attention to the actual work that we had to do that the teacher had passed out along with our already graded papers and started filling out a lot of what I knew just from memory. I was halfway down on my paper when the note was slipped back over to me all folded up.

When I looked back over at Alex he was taking peaks at my paper and jotting some of what I had written down. I rolled my eyes and unfolded the note, immediately seeing a big classy doodle of Alex and I holding hands next to a tree and a house with a big round sun and little flowers around our feet.

I couldn't contain the smile that made it's way onto my lips as I folded the paper back up and placed it into my backpack.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was in a little bit of a better mood than before, so I was able to smile a lot more at the lunch table when Jack realized we were having Teriaki Chicken bowls. He stood up so fast he couldn't get his long legs out from under the table fast enough and fell backwards, barely saving his head from knocking on the ground.

This didn't faze him however because seconds later he was on his feet and running down the aisle to be in front of the wave of people coming through the cafeteria doors.

"So, are you excited about homecoming in a week?" I heard Anabelle ask from next to me and I looked at her with wide eyes.

Homecoming was in a fucking week already? What the fuck happened to the month I had?

"Um, yeah I guess. I don't really know what to be excited about since I've never gone." I mumbled and I saw Anabelle snort so hard, the water she was drinking sprayed from her nose. "And anyways, who are you going with? I've met no boyfriend of yours." I tried to change the subject and her eyes glinted with humor.

"Oh honey, don't worry about me. I'm going with that one really fine looking boy from my Theater class named Todd. He asked me like two weeks ago." She said with a huge smirk.

I heard Jack do a loud scoff as he bit into his mom-made peanut butter and jelly. "Tha' gu' such a ass fayth." I closed my eyes and moved my food away from his flying chunks. When he finally finished his bite, he continued. "Just yesterday, I heard that asshole start talking about how he nailed Amanda Freidman and Lyra Kunning at the same time. I'm not letting you go with him."

Whatever Alex had been nibbling on went flying out of his mouth as he absorbed the information. "That's fucking gross dude! Ana, he probably has some kind of newly created disease!"

I rolled my eyes and took a bite of my piece of pizza, ignoring the alien looking green beans and mushy looking carrots. "I'm a grown fucking woman and I'll have you know that I'm not going to just toss my virginity out the window at homecoming for some hot guy." Anabelle defended and my face grew red.

Now, I know Anabelle isn't a slut, but I'd always thought she has some kind of experience. Finding out now that she doesn't, makes me feel a little more comfortable, and a lot more curious.

Jacks face morphed from one of horror to one of relief at the news that his sister would at least not 'bang' the guy.

"Anyways, we're all just going to meet each other there since we couldn't get a nice limo so and plans for car hopping better be announced now." Anabelle announced, successfully changing the subject back to where what made me nervous in the first place. "Madi, you'll be coming to my place where Alex will be picking you up, okay?" She questioned and I did a quick nod and glanced at Alex who was smiling at me.

The bell rang signalling the end of lunch and we all groaned as we tossed our plates. I was so not ready for homecoming.