Status: In my pants

Ian in Bumderland

Chapter 1.

Ian groaned, rubbing his head. Everything was fuzzy. The fuck had happened? The last thing he remembered was Sean chasing him with his nob out... there was a hole in front of him, and it wasn't a man's. It was a ground anus. He must have fallen down.

"Hello, Ian." Ian looked up to see a girl who resembled a tree cause she was well fucking tall. She had blue eyes and light brown hair. In her right hand was a leader connected to a sheep, the other was holding another girls hand. "We're Nedmunds. We think we're awesome as shit but we've got nothing on Lenobelly."

Ian nodded and stood up, clutching his butt cheek. "Where am I?"

Emma rolled her eyes then gestured around her. "You're in Bumderland of course!" Suddenly everything made sense to Ian. He was on acid again. "Come on we'll take you to princess Jess of the Buttmonkeys. She'll explain everything to you better because she's so wonderful and beautiful and great in bed."

"How do you know that?" Beth snapped, spinning around to her lurver.

Emma widened her eyes and shrugged. "B-Bethan told me."

Beth seemed convinced and nodded while Ian shuddered. Surely it wasn't the same Bethan? It couldn't be. The unsexing threesome walked off down the spotted path, on their way to Buttmonkey Palace where Princess Jess was probably naked.

Soon they came across what looked like a stoner. She was crying on the floor wildly. Rachael stood up, then looked Ian up and down. "DAD!" She yelled, crashing into Ian at full force. "I knew you'd come back for me!"

"What the fuck is this?" Ian mumbled, pointing at his daughter he abandoned all those years ago on Jocko's doorstep.

"That's Rachael. She was seeing Bethan but Bethan was all, you're too sad, I'm fucking Jess, but Princess Jess is engaged to Princess Margot and I think Princess Margot had sex with Mike and Amber but I can't be sure." Emma frowned and crossed her arms.

Beth put her arm around the girl and lead them along, Rachael still attached to her dad. "See, this is why I'm Asexual. Less confusing. And we have cake."
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Das chapter 1 der will be more hurr hurr