Finding Who You Are

"I understand. It did hurt a bit, I have to admit that." Slash sighed as we walked on the soft grass of the yard. "As long as you're happy though, I couldn't be happier." He smiled as he held his large arm around my shoulders tightly, making me smile wide.

"Thanks Slash." I smiled as I stopped walking and faced him in the middle of the dark yard.

Neither of us needed to say a thing... He leaned in and softly kissed my lips while his hands rested on my mid-back as I squeezed him to death. When we broke apart, he just held me to his chest with his face in my hair as both of us were just silent..

"Hey! You were supposed to Doctor her!! Not swoon her off her feet in my front yard!! Inside. Now. Both of you. It's about time that all of us had a serious conversation... I mean ALL of us." Nikki scolded as he pulled the truck into the driveway with my now totaled car on the trailer behind him.

"Yes sir..." I rolled my eyes as I pulled away from Slash and stomped inside. When did Nikki ever give me orders? Last time I checked, he never did. He had never been so mean to me. "Damn fucker." I muttered as I kinda fought with the front door before slinging it open and making my way to the living room as Slash soon followed with Mick, Tommy, Dj, Ashley, Vince, and Nikki not far behind him.

"So, we all know what's been going on for the past few months." Nikki sighed as everyone sat down and he began to preach. I couldn't resist rolling my eyes before he continued. "Ashley is about to bust anytime now with this baby, and this shit is getting to out of control for me. Slash, you're my best bud, but Mick has been here with me longer. I respect you both with an equal amount, and I would NEVER choose one over the other. You guys are part of my make-shift little family that's slowly growing."

He stopped to smile at Ashley and kiss her, noting to the baby that was about to drop out of her at anytime. I hadn't noticed how fucking huge she had gotten with that thing! It was like, *BLAM* BABY BELLY!!
Damn... I should pay more attention.

"Anyways," Nikki continued as we all stared at him, "Rayne, I love you to death, and you're my sister in-law, but this whole thing has got to get straightened out right now. You and Mick had your falling out, but you can't just let go of him. You still love him, and you can't lie about that."

I sat there with tears slowly growing in my eyes as I turned my head slowly to look at Mick who had tears rolling down his cheeks. "I do love him." I breathed as Nikki and Ashley smiled and I felt horrible because I didn't want to hurt Slash.. I just hope he understands the way he says he does.

"I love you so much..." Mick whispered to me as I stood up and made my way to him, feeling everyone's eyes watch me as I walked.

He stood up and wrapped his arms around me like the old days and just held me, squeezing me half to death.. Like I was going to just up and fly away in the blink of an eye.

"Come on guys." Ashley whispered as everyone but Mick and I followed her out of the room.

Mick and I stood there awkwardly for a moment, just standing there facing each other in the dead silence with our heads bowed while we stared at the ground.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Mick whispered as he reached out and grabbed my hand, rubbing it with his thumb.

I sat there and just thought for a minute.... What the fuck is going on? What do I do? Do I forgive the man I love the most, but the one that hurt me the worst... Do I take a chance on that kind of pain again? I don't fucking know... I'll just let my brain talk for now...

"I love you Mick Mars." I sighed before I softly grabbed his face and pressed my lips roughly to his as I felt his arms wrap back around me the way they had done so many times before, making me feel the sense of warmth that I had missed for so long. "You still have a long way to go before you earn my trust back completely..."

He paused for a minute and just looked into my eyes before he finally smiled and laughed a bit. "I know I do. But as long as I'm with you, I could deal with earning it back for the rest of our lives."

I couldn't help but to smile as we sat down for a minute and just cuddled before I finally decided that it'd be smart to get my stuff together and take it back home.

"Hey Slash, can you ride with Mick and I to your house so I can get my stuff, I'm gonna go home." I felt so excited about actually being able to go 'home'. Back home with Mick where I knew I had belonged, where I had been dying to be again.

"I'm actually going to stay here and talk to Ashley, okay sweetheart?" Mick wrapped his arm around my waist in front of Slash before bending down to peck my lips and smile at me.

"Sure I can take you, come on." Slash sighed before grabbing his keys as we walked towards the door.

"Alright babe. Love you. See you soon." I kissed Mick one last time and hugged him again before I walked out the door with Slash, and that had to be one of the biggest mistakes of my whole life.