The Lovers Have Lied

and the best way to make it through
with hearts and wrists intact
is to realize
two out of three ain’t bad.

You know, Cassie is really close to Andy, but she’s definitely letting Patrick grow on her. He’s such a goofball around her, and she loves every minute of it. He cooks for her, sings her favorite songs with her, even reads her bedtime stories. He was the ideal father. He didn’t yell when she spilled something, or get annoyed when she wanted him to pick her up. He welcomed the opportunities to give her attention, or let her see that he’s not an angry person the way he presented himself the day Cassie first saw him. He was becoming the father I wish I’d had.

It was close to two AM on Tuesday morning. I was having trouble sleeping because Patrick had a stuffy nose and it was making him snore. I didn’t really mind; I was used to sleepless nights from when Cassie was a baby. She was such a fussy little thing. But then Patrick rolled over, and the snoring stopped. Yay. I snuggled down into my pillow, now ready to get some sleep. But I heard Patrick yawn, and slide closer to me. Little kisses found my jaw line and his breath on my neck made my whole body tingle.

“Um...hi, babe.”

“Didn’t know you were up,” he mumbled.

“That’s not creepy at all,” I laughed. “Do this often?”

“Helps me get back to sleep.” His hand found my hip, but I held it from going any further.

“I’m too tired, Pat.”

“And I’m staying in my pants.”

“Fine.”

“What’re you doing up, sugar?”

“You were snoring like a train engine.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Once you have a baby you kind of develop and understanding that a full night’s sleep is never guaranteed.”

“Well I’ll lay on my side. I think that helps.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” I think he was about as close to falling asleep as I was, when we heard little footsteps hurrying through the hallway. “That Cassie?” Patrick asked, sitting up.

“Yeah I think so.” I sat up as well. Cassie peeked her head shyly through the doorway.

“Cassieface, what’s the matter?” asked Patrick, getting up and walking towards where she stood. He knelt and held both of her shoulders. “Oh sweetheart, you’re shaking. Come here.” He stood, lifting Cassie with him, and carried her back to the bed. He scooted to sit against the headboard, and Cassie clung to his t-shirt. I moved closer to Patrick and stroked Cassie’s hair.

“Barbie girl, what’s wrong? Bad dream?” She shook her head. “What then?”

“There’s a man in my closet,” Her whisper was shaky and terrified. “I heard him talking.”
“Shit,” Patrick whispered.

“Yeah, her closet is on the wall that borders this room. She probably just heard you and thought it came from the closet,” I realized. Patrick sighed and pulled Cassie up to stand on his thighs.

“That was just me, Cass. I woke your mommy up and we were just talking. You heard me, I’m sorry.” His words weren’t calming her. “Just me. Am I a scary man?” Cassie shook her head. “Everything’s fine, go on back to bed.” Cassie didn’t move.

“What’s wrong sweetie?” I asked. Cassie grabbed Patrick’s hand, her little hands barely closing around three of his fingers, and jumped off the bed, tugging Patrick to follow.

“Will you come look in my closet, Patrick?” she whimpered.

“Sure, kiddo,” said Patrick, standing up and following Cassie.

“And under my bed?” I heard Cassie ask from the hallway.

“Yup.” There were a few minutes of silence as Patrick did the monster check, and when he returned, he was holding Cassie, who had her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. “The princess requests permission to spend the night in here.”

“The queen consents,” I said, holding my arms out for Patrick to place Cassie in. But he smiled.

“Come on, Cassie! Pile on mommy!” he whisper-yelled. He sprinted over to the bed and threw himself across my lap, earning a groan from me as Cassie tried to keep her laughter quiet. She and Patrick got under the blankets, and Cassie pulled Patrick’s arm across her like a seatbelt, holding his hand to her cheek like a pillow, her brow still furrowed in sleepy fear. “Cassieeeee,” Patrick whispered. She whined, not wanting to open her eyes. “Baby Cassieeeeee.” She squealed in protest from the bottom of her throat.

“Sweetie there’s no monsters here. Just mommy and da...just mommy and Patrick.” Cassie clearly was not hearing it. A little girl stays scared for hours. Patrick looked imploringly at me, clearly wanting to make her feel better. I shrugged back at him, lost for a solution. He sighed and looked back at Cassie, tucking her hair behind her ear, clearing his throat.

“Last year’s wishes are this year’s apologies every last time I come home. I take my last chance to burn a bridge or two. I only keep myself this sick in the head ‘cause I know how the words get you. We’re the new face of failure. Prettier and younger but not any better off. Bulletproof to loneliness at best, at best.” His eyes found mine. “Me and you, setting in our honeymoon. If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you. Me and you, setting in our honeymoon. If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you. Collect the bad habits that you couldn’t bear to keep out of the words that I love. A tree I used to lay beneath, kissed teeth stained red, “ he nuzzled his nose to Cassie’s cheek and she giggled. “from a sour bottle baby girl with eyes the size of baby worlds. We’re the new face of failure. Prettier and younger but not any better off. Bulletproof to loneliness at best, at best...”