The Lovers Have Lied

for what you did to me
and what I'll do to you
you get what everyone else gets
you get a lifetime

[chapter three]

"What?" I asked. He kept glaring at Cassidy.

"What is that?" he asked. My jaw dropped and I picked Cassidy up. She cuddled close to me, probably afraid of Patrick's obvious anger.

"It's not a 'that' it's a four year old girl," I spat at him. "A four year old girl you happen to be scaring."

"Heather whose daughter is that?" he asked quietly.

"Mine," I said.

"I know it's yours! Who's the fucking father!?" he roared.

"Stop yelling! And don't curse in front of her," I said, covering Cassidy's ears. He took a deep breath and rolled his head.

"Who's the father Heather?" he asked, calm now. I guess he couldn't tell it was his child, or else he just wanted to hear it for sure. This could be helpful...because I could lie through my teeth.

But how wrong would that be? I could tell him it was someone else's kid...I could tell him it was his...I wondered which would get him angrier.

"She's...she's not yours," I said slowly. He let out a whole lot of air at once and he shrank down about three inches. And then he looked hurt.

"Who?" he asked quietly. I stayed silent for a second, formulating this.

"You didn't know him...we dated...we fucked...he ran when he found out I was pregnant. Haven't heard from him since." It hurt to say this. But believe me, I have a plan. I put Cassidy down. "Sweetie why don't you go give Andy your drawing."

"Kay mommy," she said, skipping into the living room.

"She's four?" he asked. I nodded.

"So right after I left." He was trying to compute this.

"Pretty soon after...yeah." Try nine months later.

"I don't know him?"

"...no." that killed. It killed because he looked so god damn hurt. I searched for a way out of this whole conversation. "Come on Pat...you honestly didn't think I'd...wait for you I mean you didn't..." he looked at the ground and I thought I heard him moan in sadness. "Oh god you didn't." I whined.

"I did."

"You're not saying you haven't fucked a groupie on the road. Five fucking years Pat..."

"I came close a few times."

"And?"

"They weren't you."

"Ah shit Patrick come on." I said.

"No Heather you come on!" he shouted. I heard a few "woah"s from the other room as the rest of the house wondered what was going on. "I swore I'd come back. I promised it wasn't the end...if you'd just fucking gone with me...didn't you realize this would happen once I came back?"

"I didn't think I'd have to worry about that," I whispered.

"What?"

"Patrick I didn't think you were coming back," I said. He was speechless. "You never called me, not once. You didn't come to visit, you guys got so fucking famous...and I never heard from you. I didn't think I'd ever see you guys again."

"You had to know Fall Out Boy wasn't gonna last forever."

"No, no I didn't have to know that, Patrick! Maybe it'd help if you'd maybe...talked to me once in a while instead of just showing up on my doorstep five years later!"

"I've been busy!" he said, jerking his arm towards the window, out which you could see the bus.

"So have I!" I screamed back, motioning out the kitchen door where Cassidy had gone out through. He lost his words again.

"I'm sorry." he mumbled. He was broken. The girl he actually never formerly broke up with had gone and fucked some guy right after he left, and she'd had the guy's kid...and kept it. Sure he hadn't called her, but she'd never called him. Well wait, she didn't have the number. It all dwindled down to this being his fault. "Can I at least know his name?"

"No," I said. His head came up and he looked at me, surprised at how quickly I had answered. It was my turn to be staring at the floor. You can't even begin to understand how much I wanted to just run over to him and kiss him. I don't care how much I should hate him, I don't care that he's been completely stupid and absent this whole god damn time...I still love him. So that's why lying was so hard for once...because you just can't hurt who you love. They say it's easy, but they're stupid. I started taking steps backward.

"Um...I gotta go...talk...Cassidy um..." I pointed a thumb behind me and kept backing up. He nodded. I turned and broke into a brisk walk.

"Heather?" He stopped me. I turned around.

"Yeah?" I asked. He smiled, laughed a little, and pointed to his head.

"What the hell did you do to your hair?" he asked. I rolled my eyes, gave him the finger and walked away.