The Lovers Have Lied

well I’m asking you, cause she’s got nothing to say
the angels just cut out her tongue, call her black Mariah
would I lie to you? That girl’s not right in the brain.

I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room and plopped down on the couch, knees to my chest, head in my hands. I could feel the eyes of Pete, Joe, Parker, and Andy bearing down on me. I looked up at Andy who was sitting on the arm chair, Cassidy sitting on his lap, showing him points of interest on her drawing. He nodded and pretended to be interested, but spent most of his time glaring at me along with everyone else. I couldn’t fight it; I’d fucked up and they were finally here to call me out on it. I took a deep breath.

“Hey Cassie.”

“Hold on mommy.” I have a BIT of a brat for a child. “And, and, and Andy, that’s a daf-da-dil. Do you know what that is?”

“What is it Cass?” asked Andy.

“It’s a flower.”

“What color flower, Cassie?” I encouraged her.

“A big yellow flower,” she said proudly.

“Very good baby. Talk to me, did my friend Patrick scare you before?”

“Scary man,” Cassie responded quietly.

“Oooh,” moaned Parker, voicing the horrible irony of the situation.

“Come here, hun.” I patted my lap. Cassie jumped off the arm chair and came over to me. “Patrick is a very nice man. He’s just having a grumpy day. Come on, show me your grumpy face.” Cassie scrunched up her face and growled at me like a lion cub. “Oh my gosh you’re so cute. Okay, mommy has to talk to her friends for a few minutes. I want you to go show Patrick your grumpy face. Growl at him. Be my baby lion, like Nala okay?” Cassie jumped off the couch and ran into the kitchen shrieking and growling. My smile faded once I realized it was time to face a lot of shit.

“Heather, when are you gonna tell him?” asked Parker. I laughed.

“The better question is what am I gonna do now that I’ve told him that Cassidy is definitely NOT his daughter.”

“Heather!” scorned Joe in disbelief.

“He asked me who the father was…and I just wasn’t ready. I’m still taking this all in, alright? You guys are back, my whole body spazzed out when he walked in the door, I’m not ready to drop a bomb like this on him.”

“Do you want…one of us to tell him?” suggested Parker.

“No, no I think that’d probably be the worst way.”

“Well you gotta get your shit together,” warned Andy. “He has to know.”

“I’ll tell him when the time is right. I think I’ll know.”

“…this week, Heather. This week,” instructed Parker.

“Yeah. Okay. This week. By the end of the week,” I mused.

***

“And we were walking out of Fuse Studios after we did an interview on…ah shit what was it called?” Pete was recounting an apparently fascinating story over dinner, definitely trying to kill the awkward that reigned over everyone whenever Patrick and I were in the same room.

“The Sauce,” assisted Joe.

“Fuck, yeah. The Sauce. And I’m walking out to the van that’s gonna take us to MSG, and this girl walks up to me, right? Taller than me too. Fuck I’m such a shortass. And she hands me this letter and she’s nervous as hell, she was like shaking. And I was gonna like, talk to her for a second but then all of a sudden this crazy chick comes out of nowhere screaming ‘Peteeeee!’ and like, latches onto me, takes a picture, and runs off. So now everyone fuckin sees me and I gotta get in the van and this girl, who gave me the letter, just collapses on the sidewalk. Fuckin New York City sidewalk and she’s on the ground and her friend is like, trying to help her up but she’s crying and freaking out. I felt reeeeally bad and wanted to get out of the car but Manny was like ‘noooo way dude’.

“Who’s Manny?” I asked.

“Bodyguard,” answered Andy.

“Oooh you guys are so damn important,” I joked, poking Joe in the side.

“Oh shut up,” whined Joe. I giggled at him.

“It was a really nice letter. We really helped that girl. I think I still have it somewhere…”

“That’s really sweet, that you’d keep it.”

“Well that’s just the kind of guy I am.”

“Yeah, haha, okay.”

***

“Can…can I…put my arm around you?”

“Christ almighty, Patrick. Is this our first date or something?” He laughed. He laughed and my whole body felt it. That short exhale with the sound at the end. I very slowly leaned into him, resting my head on his chest as he pulled me into his arms. I took a deep, deep breath and brought in all of his scent. It was new. He no longer smelled like the boy I knew, who wreaked of Yankee Candles and the lawn mower fuel in Pete’s garage. He smelled like a man; in aftershave, sweat, and five years of aging. I wondered if he was a different person. I didn’t feel like I was, except for the whole mom thing. But what was he like?

“Wow,” he whispered.

“What?”

“I missed you…a lot.” Nope, he hadn’t changed at all.

“Hey Cassidy,” I called.

“What mommy?” she called from upstairs.

“Come see me for a sec.”

“What are you doing?”

“Hang on.” Little footsteps came padding down the stairs and into the living room. She stopped cold in front of the couch and stared at Patrick. “Come here, baby.” She took slow steps towards my place on the couch. “Say hello to mommy’s friend Patrick.” Patrick wasn’t looking directly at Cassie, and she eyed him cautiously.

“Hello Patrick,” she whispered. A smile broke across his face like her voice was the sweetest thing he’d ever heard. Inside I was breaking, because I knew it was that freaky parent-child connection. He didn’t know why, but he definitely felt a connection to Cassie.

“Hi Cassie. How are you?”

“Sleepy.”

“Aww, sweetie.” I patted her head. “Wanna go back upstairs and take a nap?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” I whispered. “Off you go.” She walked back upstairs, leaving Patrick and I to just sit in the silence. Thank god he finally spoke.

“You know she’s, she’s got a little lisp on her S’s.” I clicked my tongue.

“Yeah, I know. I’m gonna get her some speech therapy once she starts kindergarten next year.”

“Well, you know she might not need it.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I had a lisp when I was a little kid. Just kind of corrected itself when I was like six. She might be okay on her own.”

“I didn’t know you used to lisp.”

“Yeah…” he laughed a little.

“That’s…interesting.”

Heredity is a bitch.