Hallelujah

The black in front of my eyes deteriorated almost immediately. I was leaning against someone on a couch, watching an old game show where equally as old contestants guessed the answers to questions for an orange Vespa scooter they were too old to ride. I turned my head to see who was being my pillow, disinterested in the show.

It was Matt. I smiled calmly at him. He didn't return the gesture. I noticed he didn't have his arms around me like he usually would if we were snuggling. Something was up and big intimidating Matt was being his big intimidating self. I turned back around stiffly and changed the channel for lack of anything else to do. I felt Matt sigh, the pouty huff collapse his barrel chest a bit, and the silence grew stronger. Four minutes passed like this, for I watched the clock and waited for eternity to end.

I got up quickly because the silence was killing me and turned around, muting the TV and staring at my ex (if you can call him that.. which I doubt.). His usually warm hazel eyes were like chips of coloured ice.

"Why am I even here if all you're going to do is pout? Stick jammed up your ass or what?" He glared. Ah, so this is where Angry Matt had gone.

"I asked you to come over so we could talk-" Oh sure. And that is exactly why we were watching TV and not talking.

"Then talk. I don't like fighting with you and I never did." I flipped the hair quickly out of my eyes and sat on the coffee table in front of him, making sure my knees didn't knock against his. Any sort of contact in our fights was off-limits. It was an unwritten rule stemming from a certain event I refuse to tell you unless it's somehow necessary.

"Choose," he barked. I blinked, trying to read what he meant by looking into his eyes. They'd gone from cold as ice to something like fiery. The intensity in his expression was unnerving.

"Choose what?" I tried to cover the uncertainty in my voice with indignation. It didn't work in the slightest. Can't we just make up and kiss each others faces off already? Idiot, it's never that easy. Oh, fuck you.

"I'm tired of lying to everyone, especially one of my best friends. Brian's head over heels for you as much as I am- was." Was? What, he hates me again? Oh. Joy. "It's either me or him. Decide now." His tone was a deep growl, making it seem my next words were a life or death matter. They are, if you think about it. It's life or death of the relationship. As always, thank you, voice, for clearing that up.

"Th-that's not fair!" I spluttered. "I can't just decide! If it was so easy, then I would've chosen a long time ago." My hands clenched on the sides of the table so I wouldn't smack him.

"What you're doing is cruel." Oh, he did not just exclude himself from this.

"Uh, sure. It's not like you haven't been cheating on Val at all. You always act like you're so fucking innocent in everything. Maybe that's why we've never worked as a couple. You're too fucking thick-headed to understand anything that goes on." I glared right back at him. He leaned forward menacingly, placing his hands on my bare legs, his face less than three inches from me. I noticed with a start that his eyes were ice cold again. He broke the rule. I think this means I can smack him now.

"If you can't choose between us and Brian, then I have an idea. Move the fuck back to New York. You're so gorgeous, but it's like you have no soul at all anymore." His voice drifted off and he brought one of his hands up to caress my cheek. His eyes softened for only a moment before he snapped back to the bitterness. "Just leave before you cause any more damage. Maybe there you can find another two dipshits to wrap around your pinkie."

I meant to say something equally as hurtful back to him, to cause his Teflon heart to break, but before I had a chance to fight back, the black returned to my vision and I was thrown to another reality, not able to comprehend the scene I'd just been a part of. Before I had time to think about anything, I was someplace else entirely.

Sitting on a couch again, I'm afraid... But this time there was a livid Brian in front of me. Had I opened another can of worms?

"How the fuck could you do this to me?! I put everything I had into loving you and being the best boyfriend I could be.. and you were cheating on me the entire fucking time!" His usually kind, smiling eyes were hard, his face screwed up in anger not unlike how Matt's had been. It seemed I had opened that fucking metaphorical can. Great, now they both hate me. I noticed a sapphire ring lying on the glass end table beside me. Had he given me the ring and I spilled my guts out of guilt? I picked up the ring and stared at it in my hands, turning it over again and again as I struggled to think of a way to remedy the horrible situation.

"Are you even going to answer me, you lying bitch?" Ow.. you gonna stand for that, Lying Bitch?

"What can I say?" I responded quietly, afraid to look at him. "I lied about everything, but.. I really do love you and if you still love me, maybe we can.. put this whole load of shit behind us and start fresh?" I looked up, a small twinkle of hope dashed when Brian scoffed. I felt my heart turn to dust.

"Did you really think I'd want to make up with you after you tell me you've been fucking your ex behind my back? I trusted you..." His voice was shaking in anger. I put the ring back on the table with a clink and stood up to leave.

"I'm... I'm sorry I wasn't everything you thought I was."

"Yeah, you better be. Now leave. I don't want you here right now. In fact, I don't want you here at all. Go, move, never fucking come back. Kill yourself if you have to." His face was serious, which meant that I wasn't welcome here anymore.

"I apologize for wasting your time." My voice cracked and I wiped at a bitter tear. Why cry, Lying Bitch? You did this to yourself! You're right. And again, everything was black as night. I was stuck in oblivion this time for a while, my whereabouts somewhere in some reality where I was laying horizontally.