Hallelujah

As sudden as flipping on a light switch, my eyes snapped open and again I was thrown into reality. The light was harsh on my retinas, blinding me painfully for a quick moment before I could see my surroundings. Not in any way surprising to me, I saw I was back on the couch, lying full across it while basically everyone was staring at me, wide-eyed with uncertainty and concern. I blinked a few times and shook my head hard. The headache had abated considerably, though my anxiety level was through the roof and I currently wanted to run away from everyone screaming. Or just hide in a corner and cry at what may as well be reality soon enough. Both out of the question, I'm afraid.

"So," I said as casually as possible, sitting up slowly and wiping cold sweat from my hairline and trying to stop panting like a wild animal. It looked bad. "About how long was I out for?" I connected eyes with everyone in the room twice before an answer found its way out of Matt's mouth.

"Seven minutes or so," Oh, so not too bad. I shrugged and flipped my legs over the side of the couch, planting them firmly on the floor and standing, though Brian kept a tight hand on my shoulder.

"Let go," I hissed, yanking my shoulder away before tramping off, my walk steady and head held high, even if I was still the colour of old paper. "I'll be at home," I called to the shocked silence behind me. It seems they've yet to figure out just how good of an actor I am. I grabbed my purse from off the floor near the exit and pushed my way out the door, fishing my keys out and unlocking the flashy sportscar next to the Escalade. I sighed and leaned against the hood of the car for a moment, the last dregs of pain from my migraine taken by the unseasonably cool breeze. I hated myself and everything I was doing. Really, I should be enjoying how much Brian cares about me before he realizes I am a lying bitch.

I wasn't going back to Brian's yet. I searched in my wallet for the card that meant most to me right now. My gun license. I snorted at the picture as I finally slipped into the beige leather seat of my car. My hair had still been a shade above grape juice then. Hopefully it wouldn't matter very much.

I drove around for a while, up and down streets until I could find a store with decent firearms, found one, and applied some cherry red lipstick before sashaying my way in. A chubby middle-aged man with a shining bald head and beady little eyes smiled at me as I entered, the little bell above the door tinkling merrily.

I put on the most vulnerable facade I could muster, smiling worriedly back at the man before making my way over to the table.

"Hey there, Sugah," the man greeted, a thick southern accent distorting his words. I smiled again and pulled at my top to add to the nervousness I was trying to portray. "What can ah get for yeh?"

"Uhm.." I answered, flipping my hair out of my eyes and biting my lip. It was easier to get what you wanted if you act stupid. Like that drug dealer you fucked for a bag of pills. Oh shut up about that! Even if you knew exactly what the thing was. "I think I want a gun... for protection." He gave me a patronizing look and asked in his drawl if ah even had a gun lahcense. I nodded overexaggeratedly and dug it out of my wallet, showing it to him.

"Uhm... just like.. a small one. Like, I dunno, just something that would keep me from getting mugged or violated... I just moved here from a small town back east and I want to be safe. And since I have no one to protect me, I think a small firearm could be like, really necessary..." He gave me a look of sympathy, showing me he was completely believing my scheme. I felt accomplished. He turned around to look at the smaller handguns on a shelf and I smiled evilly. He picked up one and put it on the counter and I switched my face back to the near-tears look I was faking.

"How 'bout this here revolver? It's small, sure, but it'll still be enough to intimahdate." I looked at it, cocking my head and putting a 'thinking' look on my face. Yeah, this would be enough for the job.

"Mkay, I'll take it!" I reached for the gun, but he snatched it away, waggling a finger in my face. I had half a mind to break the damn thing off.

"Yeh know 'bout Californya gun laws, raght? Fahve days and you can come back for the gun. The gov'ment has to make sure y'aren't a crim'nal." I pretended to look incredibly disappointed, spluttering about how bad I needed it, even breaking out a few crocodile tears. Of course I knew about the fucking laws. And I wasn't a criminal exactly. It's just I sold my .45 when I moved in with Matt. It's not good when your boyfriend finds your weapons hidden under a sweater...

"Please, oh please will you let me take it?!" I laced my fingers together in a begging gesture, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at how cliche this whole situation was. I saw the look of consideration on the apparently very, very stupid man's face.

"Well, ahrahght, just don't shoot it for a wahle," I jumped for joy, going as far as hugging this disgusting excuse for a male. I filled out the necessary forms and bought the gun, taking a magazine with it. For what I was going to use it for, there was no need for more than one bullet anyway.

I skipped out after thanking the fat man profusely and then sat in my car, laughing until tears were rolling down my cheeks. It had been so, so easy to get that. But then again, enough charm could get a woman in a short skirt anything. I turned the engine on and sped home, getting there within a matter of minutes and realizing no one was yet here.

Thank God for that... or whoever the fuck is up there, but whatever.

Up the stairs I went, running into the guest bedroom with my new weapon, sitting on the bed and staring at the small gleaming gun before loading the shells into the barrel. No Russian Roulette for me.

I giggled insanely before stuffing the gun deep under the mattress and making sure it was completely unnoticeable. I have my escape plan. If those gaddamn premonitions come true, if they both stop loving me, then I can go kill myself. A .22 revolver had just enough power to cause the small bullet to ricochet around my skull and shred my brain into mush.

What, so I'm a coward, what else is new?