Alone

The house was dark and quiet- save only for the distant creaks of the foundation settling. If Derek tried hard enough, opened up his senses enough, he could still smell the gasoline used to light the place up.

He could smell the decay and mold and screams of his family, trapped in the cellar. They echoed around in his brain, stabbing and pushing and raking across his nerves. The sounds would never leave him- he knew that as an absolute truth.

Derek could kid himself about why he stayed in the gutted out skeleton of his childhood. He could lie to himself saying it was only temporary- he would move on eventually.

Except- Derek knew that to be the biggest lie of his whole existence. He would never leave this place of skeletons and cobwebs. Would never leave the place where he still got faint brushes of his childhood that he so craved to have back.

Derek could count exactly how many notches were in the archway towards the kitchen. There were twelve for him, fourteen for Laura, and a singular notch for his father when Derek had told him very matter of factly, that, of course Derek was taller than him- he was eleven, you know.

Derek could still see where he and Laura had accidentally gouged a chunk from the 6th step of the stairs in a horrible stair-sleding incident that shall never be recounted ever again.

Despite the general destruction of the house, Derek knew and counted and held close to what was left of his heart all the signs of the happy childhood he had.

Alphas, however, didn’t reminisce about lost childhood- didn’t feel the need to clutch their chest as it ached so fiercely that you wanted to vomit. They didn’t comment on the gaping hole that was their heart.

They commanded their pack and lead the way and guarded their territory because that’s just how it was. Alphas didn’t have feelings that could get in the way- that was too dangerous.

But Derek, try as he might, couldn’t help but feel like he was drowning- flailing in the abyss that was his leadership role.

Derek Hale had no clue what to do.

He had no one to ask for help- except Peter and that wasn’t a comfortable situation- at all. He couldn’t control Scott who he needed because the Alpha pack was coming. He didn’t have a strong enough pack to deal with them. He didn’t know how many were in the Alpha pack or who was leading it or anything.

There was no guiding hand he could turn to, or even a soft shoulder to curl into like he used to do with his mother.

His parents would know what to do. Hell- even Laura would probably have a better clue as to how to handle this.

Everyone looked at him like he was either the bane of their existence or like he had all the answers. In some cases, both. He had no allies, the majority of his pack had deserted him, and Hunters were practically crawling over themselves for his hide.

In one, unflinchingly intense moment, Derek had never felt so alone. The dust and ash of the old house swept into his lungs as he took a shuddering breath. On the back of his tongue, there was the gasoline, and the smallest hint of the soft floral perfume his mother used to wear.

It choked up his throat and Derek felt his eyes sting.

Big and mighty Derek Hale sitting here with tears in his eyes. If only they could see him now.

No wonder Boyd and Erica left him, no wonder Scott won’t accept him as Alpha. He had Issac left- and he was grateful for that singular blessing.

But he was still alone.

Derek Hale, will, and more than likely, always will be, lost, confused, and utterly- utterly alone.