I Will Hold You When No One's Around

“Goodnight” –She said, with that beautiful sleepy voice I heard over the phone every single night and that I loved so much. This night was different, though, tonight, I was face to face with her.

“Goodnight” –I answered, with a tired smile on my face. I couldn’t believe what had happened just minutes before.

“Am I dreaming?”
“Is this reality?”
“How was that even possible?”
“Am I insane?”
“How does she feel?”
“How do I feel?”

Those questions were flying around my head… not letting me think about any other thing.

“She is one of my best friends. She is like a sister to me. Her friendship meas a lot. That. What happened had to be a mistake, right? What if she just wanted to taste how it felt? What if it was a game? It must have been, because if it wasn’t… what then? Will she stop loving me as a friend? Will she start seeing me like something more? Will I start seeing her in a different way? Is it all going to end because of this?”
“No. It can’t be true. I love her so much to let go.” I finally stopped arguing with myself and decided to get some sleep.

-

“Ally?” –I managed to word after I felt a movement in the bed, strong enough to wake me up. I diverted my eyes to the clock lying over the bedside table; I could tell it was 3 in the morning.

“I just want to get closer to you, it’s a little bit too cold in here… Is it okay?” –She said, softly, moving towards me. I didn’t answer. After asking for permission, she started wrapping her right arm by my waist and her left hand’s fingers slightly interlacing between the yarns of my hair.

That felt good, sort of. The feeling of her hands touching my skin, the smell she emanated, the warm air coming from every breath she took, her scent, the lull of the moment, that beautiful silence… No, it didn’t feel “sort of” good; it felt really, really good.

I hadn’t noticed before she mentioned it, but it was very cold; and without even realizing, I was already holding my arms around her tightly. She was so easy to embrace. She was soft, so frail, so tiny, and so flawless. The smell of her hair was charming, her body was so mild, and she was so perfect…

“WAIT A MINUTE.” –I thought. “What the hell is wrong with me? Having improper thoughts about my best friend? No way. This can’t be true. Why would I do that? Why is she even here? Oh right I invited her over… But why did I? Why is she my best friend? Why can’t she be an evil bitch as everyone else is and leave me the fuck alone? Why is it she makes me feel these things? Why do I feel so great when I’m with her? Why do I love her so much? Why do I love her this way? Wait… NO! NO! NO! Go back to freaking sleep and stop with all this bullshit.”

-

Next morning, I heard a sweet voice saying my name. Repeating it over and over again, a little bit louder every time, but with the same kindness it held since the beginning.

“Whatashfljasgrflesdf…”

“Hey…”-She said.

“Whaaaat?” –I opened my eyes and rapidly moved forward the sound and immediately regretted it.

“Wake up” –She innocently moved her head to one side and looked at me, not knowing where to set her gaze at, it was whether my eyes or my lips, which were, actually, just a few inches from hers, thanks to my abrupt reactions.

“Grab a brush and put a little make-up” –I broke, laughing, getting away from her, for our own sake. I guess she noticed how I felt, because she immediately started talking about how hungry she was and how amazing that concert we had seen on TV last night was. That great Paramore concert we watched last night. Last night, right before THAT happened. I just tried to act normal, I mean, it’s not like anything has changed, anyways.

I guess you might be wondering “What is that awful thing that happened last night?” Well, my fellow, last night, after watching what had been a very awesome performance by one of our favorite bands, Paramore, my best friend; Alice, who I liked to call Ally, kissed me. And it’s not like I had tried to stop her.

It was all going perfect. We just had made some popcorn and waited for the show to start. Right after the so waited concert finished, she came near and looked at me in a way she never had before. She came closer, and closer. While her glance couldn’t decide where to stay in between my gaze and my lips, my look couldn’t really leave hers. There was a moment when we were separated by a very scant space, a moment when I could hardly focus my eyes for the lack of distance, a time where all the breath we took were each other’s exhalations, a moment, when the most little movement from any of us, would lead us to the unavoidable.
She looked right and only into my eyes, full of lust, and for the first time, I looked at her lips. Those lips I might have never desired ever, looked so succulent right now. She took a deep breath, and I followed. She leaned forward, and crushed our lips together.

The moment cached me. She cached me. And what had only started as a very innocent kiss had became a heated fight of dominance between her tongue and mine. Her breath and mine, which had started so calm, were now heavy and faltering. Her hands where everywhere and anywhere at the same time. Goosebumps running down my body. It felt good. It felt awesome. It felt great. It felt exciting. I felt excited.
After what seemed an eternity, she broke the kiss to catch some air. I just fell to my trembling knees and stayed like that for a while, thinking about what had just happened there.

“Did she really do it?” Yes.

“Did she have to do it?” No.

“Should I have stopped her?” Yes.

“Did I stop her?” No.

“Should I have liked it?” No.

“Did I like it?” Yes.

Now, you should be asking yourself “Why wouldn’t someone like to experience such thing?” Well… it’s very funny, actually. I shouldn’t have liked it, because, I, my fellow, am a girl.