Status: Slow -I hope you like it, this is totally different to what people is used to write and read and I really like it. Let me know what you think :)
I Will Hold You When No One's Around
Chapter 12
I will hold you when no one’s around.
12-
I got the chance to chat to the nurse while she was looking up for Ally. I asked about her situation and I was told she was in an induced coma, so her system could recuperate properly.
“And how did you find her?” –I questioned.
“She dialed emergencies by herself. I think she regretted of her decision and realized she needed help. If she hadn’t called 911 she wouldn’t had made it on time.” –She spoke with a tranquil voice. “Earlier, I told you she’d be out in a few weeks, because tomorrow we are going to stop giving her the substance that keeps her asleep.”
“So…? Is she staying anyways?”
“Yes, we’ll keep her one week more in observation and then another week in a regular room, just to check on her every now and then. I’m pretty sure she will be able to maintain a conversation by then. Now, you should catnap a little; it’s late and I can tell you’ve been nervous lately.” –I nodded and she smiled, walking out of the room.
I changed my clothes and went to the bed next to Alice’s. I failed in every attempt I made to sleep... it's not like I had tried too many times anyway; having such a beautiful creature before my eyes made sleep almost an impossible thing. That gigantic magnificence kept me awake the whole night and without even saying a word or looking at me. That's the kind of power she had over me. It was 6:00 AM. My body was tired, my mind was exhausted, but a little part inside of me just didn't let me close my eyes for a minute.
...Sure, that's because the picture I was seeing right now wasn't as simple as you think. When anyone in my place would only be able to watch a skinny, pale hair resting on a hospital bed, I saw my entire life.
I went having breakfast on the hospital’s cafeteria; I guess my body couldn’t stand more than 14 hours straight without even having a glass of water. I was so concerned about Ally’s health at the moment that I didn’t mind about mine. When I came back to the room, from the window I saw a calmed Jonathan sitting on the edge of Alice’s bed, it seemed like he was talking to her.
I made my way in and John jumped a little with my appearance, but then he smiled. “Hi… What are you doing here? I thought you were eating.”
“I am the one who has to ask that. What are you doing here? And yes, I was eating two minutes ago.” –I beamed in return and gave him a quick hug; taking three steps back right after.
“I just came to see how you and Alicia were, but since you weren’t around, I took the opportunity to have some words with her.” –He said, diverting his gaze from me to Ally.
“She can’t hear you… she’s asleep. And her name isn’t Alicia, it’s Alice.” –I spilled and he just laughed.
“Maybe she can’t answer, but she can hear me.” –He looked at me. “Come here.” –I did as I was told. “Talk to her. She’s going to listen to you, and you don’t know how happy you’ll make her feel. I have to go now.”
“Wait.” –I cut. “What did you tell her before I arrived?” –I asked.
“That’s between Alice and me. Be safe.” –He winked, leaving me alone with the sleeping beauty.
Maybe it was stupid, maybe not. I didn’t know if what John was telling me was true or just a simple lie to prove my behaviors again. I was going to try, nonetheless it was bullshit of not. “I have nothing to lose.” –I thought, taking her hand in mine.
“Hey… Jam. It’s me, Jelly.” –I smiled, remembering those curious nicknames she had given me and herself. “How are you, girl?” –I kissed the back of her hand, taking it closer to me and resting it on my chest, next to my heart. “I’ve missed you…”
-
A week passed, Alice was moved from the observation room to a regular one and my talks with her became longer and more numerous. She hasn’t opened her eyes yet. I’ve read her favorite stories and we’ve listened to music together. I was called from work because I didn’t attend to the office the day I was supposed to, and when I explained Mr. Nolan my situation, he said I could take all the time it was necessary to make my friend feel better. Sure he was a very good man.
“The doctor said you’ll have to stay another week more, since you haven’t waked up… but I know it’s all going to be okay! Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” –I said to Alice.
“You know what? I will paint my room. That blue on the walls doesn’t look fun anymore. When you get out of here, you’ll come to my house and we’ll make a complete makeover of my room, just how you always have told me.” –I laughed. “And you know what else? I will let you choose the colors. After we finish, we will make popcorn and watch movies; you can choose them too.”
“Did you know apples do a better job keeping you awake that does coffee? I’m so out of caffeine now! I’m healthier than ever!” –I cheered.
“And Gerard called Frank! And he said that he wanted the band to get back together and make more music! Isn’t that amazing? MCR will give us a new album!”
“I was totally shocked when John told me that dark meaning behind Winnie the Pooh! Like, then it was so horrible then but now I can find it kind of funny! I mean, I knew there was something wrong with Pooh, always eating that damn honey.” –I joked. “Turns out he was an addict!”
“Our friend Jennifer is being very supportive; she’s always calling and asking for your health! In fact, she said she was going to come tomorrow! Isn’t she nice?”
“Sure it’s a hard job, but it’s very nice because people treat you right and you don’t have to wake up early! I’ll be able to spend a lot more time with you instead of work!”
“We’ll go to that concert Green Day is having next month and we will have so much fun! You will finally get to meet the guys and I’m sure Mike will adore you. But I have to warn you, Tre is all mine, okay? If you want Billie Joe you can have him too.”
“And he had this amazing Mercedes Benz I’ve told you about, and it was black! And we went to Hollywood and he took me to this amazing place where people stand in front of us and start with a round of jokes! There was one guy that was hilarious!”
“So I told him that I didn’t like him that way and that we’d be better as friends… you know, my heart was already occupied by someone.”
“And now I don’t drink alcohol unless it’s a special occasion and all my scars are healed! Aren’t you proud of me? I am… and when you wake up we will go through all of this together! This can only get better!”
My chitchats with Alice were good, and now I thought Jonathan was right, because I really felt she could hear me.
Apparently that induced coma wasn’t required because Alice was already in a coma. The doctors didn’t notice and she was almost sedated to death, that’s why her heartbeats sounded so fucking weird and she was SO fucking weak! Since I was told that I stopped being nice with all of them. How can two fucking doctors and three fucking nurses not notice when a person is already on coma? Those motherfuckers figured out how to push my buttons. That day I made a scandalous scene when a nurse came in and told me I needed to sleep, because I already had shiners in my face. Sure, she can notice I have fucking dark circles around my fucking eyes but she couldn’t notice that Alice didn’t need to be leaded to a fucking coma!
That additional week turned out to be a month, and my hopes were starting to fall, even when John and Jenn were there with me trying to keep me happy. We all knew what could happen, but none of us was brave enough to talk about it. There was a point when I started to cry and I wouldn’t stop until my eyes dried out.
It was November 6th, the day before my birthday. And I didn’t want any gift besides having Alice awake, with me, even when the doctors were already considering the worst.
“I know you’re listening to me” –I said, more I wished she was. “You’ve heard me, and you know my whole life was a mess, but now I feel better.” –I snort, with a fake smile full of fake expectation. “I will not cut myself again, nor will I break down like I did before. I made a promise.” –She was as absent as always. “When I came here, and saw you lying in a hospital bed, almost lifeless, so frail and still, and when I found out that you had been here for almost one month by yourself, I felt awful, and I couldn’t stop blaming myself, Alice. I swear all I could think about was in how much of a monster I was. I had never felt so weak.” –I admitted. “I started talking to myself, playing the strong girl… but I didn’t feel like that.” –The tears started forming in the back of my eyes. “I was destroyed, and I felt my chest was being stabbed over and over again. And I was so taken aback that I couldn’t move.” –I sniffed. “I couldn’t do anything, besides looking at you, my beautiful Ally.”
“Squeeze my hand if you are there.” –I said. “I love you, Ally.” –I whispered, holding her hand and interlacing our fingers. “I love you more than anything in the world. Please, please don’t leave me.” –I pleaded, feeling all my happiness dwindle when I didn’t get any response. I guess sometimes loving someone very much is just not enough. “Squeeze it, Ally! Squeeze it!” –Crying was already unavoidable, I was making a big fuss, and it was not for less. I couldn’t feel more defeated.
That’s when I heard a feeble “Hey…”
12-
I got the chance to chat to the nurse while she was looking up for Ally. I asked about her situation and I was told she was in an induced coma, so her system could recuperate properly.
“And how did you find her?” –I questioned.
“She dialed emergencies by herself. I think she regretted of her decision and realized she needed help. If she hadn’t called 911 she wouldn’t had made it on time.” –She spoke with a tranquil voice. “Earlier, I told you she’d be out in a few weeks, because tomorrow we are going to stop giving her the substance that keeps her asleep.”
“So…? Is she staying anyways?”
“Yes, we’ll keep her one week more in observation and then another week in a regular room, just to check on her every now and then. I’m pretty sure she will be able to maintain a conversation by then. Now, you should catnap a little; it’s late and I can tell you’ve been nervous lately.” –I nodded and she smiled, walking out of the room.
I changed my clothes and went to the bed next to Alice’s. I failed in every attempt I made to sleep... it's not like I had tried too many times anyway; having such a beautiful creature before my eyes made sleep almost an impossible thing. That gigantic magnificence kept me awake the whole night and without even saying a word or looking at me. That's the kind of power she had over me. It was 6:00 AM. My body was tired, my mind was exhausted, but a little part inside of me just didn't let me close my eyes for a minute.
...Sure, that's because the picture I was seeing right now wasn't as simple as you think. When anyone in my place would only be able to watch a skinny, pale hair resting on a hospital bed, I saw my entire life.
I went having breakfast on the hospital’s cafeteria; I guess my body couldn’t stand more than 14 hours straight without even having a glass of water. I was so concerned about Ally’s health at the moment that I didn’t mind about mine. When I came back to the room, from the window I saw a calmed Jonathan sitting on the edge of Alice’s bed, it seemed like he was talking to her.
I made my way in and John jumped a little with my appearance, but then he smiled. “Hi… What are you doing here? I thought you were eating.”
“I am the one who has to ask that. What are you doing here? And yes, I was eating two minutes ago.” –I beamed in return and gave him a quick hug; taking three steps back right after.
“I just came to see how you and Alicia were, but since you weren’t around, I took the opportunity to have some words with her.” –He said, diverting his gaze from me to Ally.
“She can’t hear you… she’s asleep. And her name isn’t Alicia, it’s Alice.” –I spilled and he just laughed.
“Maybe she can’t answer, but she can hear me.” –He looked at me. “Come here.” –I did as I was told. “Talk to her. She’s going to listen to you, and you don’t know how happy you’ll make her feel. I have to go now.”
“Wait.” –I cut. “What did you tell her before I arrived?” –I asked.
“That’s between Alice and me. Be safe.” –He winked, leaving me alone with the sleeping beauty.
Maybe it was stupid, maybe not. I didn’t know if what John was telling me was true or just a simple lie to prove my behaviors again. I was going to try, nonetheless it was bullshit of not. “I have nothing to lose.” –I thought, taking her hand in mine.
“Hey… Jam. It’s me, Jelly.” –I smiled, remembering those curious nicknames she had given me and herself. “How are you, girl?” –I kissed the back of her hand, taking it closer to me and resting it on my chest, next to my heart. “I’ve missed you…”
-
A week passed, Alice was moved from the observation room to a regular one and my talks with her became longer and more numerous. She hasn’t opened her eyes yet. I’ve read her favorite stories and we’ve listened to music together. I was called from work because I didn’t attend to the office the day I was supposed to, and when I explained Mr. Nolan my situation, he said I could take all the time it was necessary to make my friend feel better. Sure he was a very good man.
“The doctor said you’ll have to stay another week more, since you haven’t waked up… but I know it’s all going to be okay! Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” –I said to Alice.
“You know what? I will paint my room. That blue on the walls doesn’t look fun anymore. When you get out of here, you’ll come to my house and we’ll make a complete makeover of my room, just how you always have told me.” –I laughed. “And you know what else? I will let you choose the colors. After we finish, we will make popcorn and watch movies; you can choose them too.”
“Did you know apples do a better job keeping you awake that does coffee? I’m so out of caffeine now! I’m healthier than ever!” –I cheered.
“And Gerard called Frank! And he said that he wanted the band to get back together and make more music! Isn’t that amazing? MCR will give us a new album!”
“I was totally shocked when John told me that dark meaning behind Winnie the Pooh! Like, then it was so horrible then but now I can find it kind of funny! I mean, I knew there was something wrong with Pooh, always eating that damn honey.” –I joked. “Turns out he was an addict!”
“Our friend Jennifer is being very supportive; she’s always calling and asking for your health! In fact, she said she was going to come tomorrow! Isn’t she nice?”
“Sure it’s a hard job, but it’s very nice because people treat you right and you don’t have to wake up early! I’ll be able to spend a lot more time with you instead of work!”
“We’ll go to that concert Green Day is having next month and we will have so much fun! You will finally get to meet the guys and I’m sure Mike will adore you. But I have to warn you, Tre is all mine, okay? If you want Billie Joe you can have him too.”
“And he had this amazing Mercedes Benz I’ve told you about, and it was black! And we went to Hollywood and he took me to this amazing place where people stand in front of us and start with a round of jokes! There was one guy that was hilarious!”
“So I told him that I didn’t like him that way and that we’d be better as friends… you know, my heart was already occupied by someone.”
“And now I don’t drink alcohol unless it’s a special occasion and all my scars are healed! Aren’t you proud of me? I am… and when you wake up we will go through all of this together! This can only get better!”
My chitchats with Alice were good, and now I thought Jonathan was right, because I really felt she could hear me.
Apparently that induced coma wasn’t required because Alice was already in a coma. The doctors didn’t notice and she was almost sedated to death, that’s why her heartbeats sounded so fucking weird and she was SO fucking weak! Since I was told that I stopped being nice with all of them. How can two fucking doctors and three fucking nurses not notice when a person is already on coma? Those motherfuckers figured out how to push my buttons. That day I made a scandalous scene when a nurse came in and told me I needed to sleep, because I already had shiners in my face. Sure, she can notice I have fucking dark circles around my fucking eyes but she couldn’t notice that Alice didn’t need to be leaded to a fucking coma!
That additional week turned out to be a month, and my hopes were starting to fall, even when John and Jenn were there with me trying to keep me happy. We all knew what could happen, but none of us was brave enough to talk about it. There was a point when I started to cry and I wouldn’t stop until my eyes dried out.
It was November 6th, the day before my birthday. And I didn’t want any gift besides having Alice awake, with me, even when the doctors were already considering the worst.
“I know you’re listening to me” –I said, more I wished she was. “You’ve heard me, and you know my whole life was a mess, but now I feel better.” –I snort, with a fake smile full of fake expectation. “I will not cut myself again, nor will I break down like I did before. I made a promise.” –She was as absent as always. “When I came here, and saw you lying in a hospital bed, almost lifeless, so frail and still, and when I found out that you had been here for almost one month by yourself, I felt awful, and I couldn’t stop blaming myself, Alice. I swear all I could think about was in how much of a monster I was. I had never felt so weak.” –I admitted. “I started talking to myself, playing the strong girl… but I didn’t feel like that.” –The tears started forming in the back of my eyes. “I was destroyed, and I felt my chest was being stabbed over and over again. And I was so taken aback that I couldn’t move.” –I sniffed. “I couldn’t do anything, besides looking at you, my beautiful Ally.”
“Squeeze my hand if you are there.” –I said. “I love you, Ally.” –I whispered, holding her hand and interlacing our fingers. “I love you more than anything in the world. Please, please don’t leave me.” –I pleaded, feeling all my happiness dwindle when I didn’t get any response. I guess sometimes loving someone very much is just not enough. “Squeeze it, Ally! Squeeze it!” –Crying was already unavoidable, I was making a big fuss, and it was not for less. I couldn’t feel more defeated.
That’s when I heard a feeble “Hey…”
♠ ♠ ♠
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