I Will Hold You When No One's Around

I will hold you when no one’s around.
18

I ignored that voice and tried to focus on what I was doing. Losing a hand was the last thing I needed to do.

“How was your appointment with Jonathan?”

“It was fine…”

“I’m glad, honey!” –She smiled. “How did you feel? What did you say to him?”

“I felt… normal. It was just like any other visit to the psychiatrist.”

“So…? Is that all you’re going to answer? You aren’t telling me anything.”

“That’s because I can’t…” –I casually said. “John told me that I shouldn’t talk to anyone about anything we talked about inside his office.”

“I know, but he totally meant anyone but me. I’m your girl; you have to tell me about it.” –She seemed a little uncomfortable with the idea of not being able to know everything that I felt inside, and that was completely understandable.

“He meant anyone, everyone.” –I cleared. “It’s a doctor-patient deal. I don’t talk, he doesn’t talk.”

“Was he trying to threaten you? Or bribe you?”

“No, baby, it only is part of his job.” -She was confused. “If I tell someone about my feelings, they might want to help me. If they give me any advice, the doctor’s decisions will be put in risk, and lose
credibility, you see.”

“But you need someone to be with you and help you outside of the hospital.” –She looked at me. “You need me. Johnny will not always be there for you when you need him. I will.”

“You’ve got it right, Al.” –I kissed her on the cheek. “The thing is… you are not a doctor like he is. Whatever he says obviously has more sense and sageness than anything you say.” –Dammit.

“Excuse me?” –She almost shouted. “What are you trying to tell me?”

“No, honey, it’s not what you think.” –Jesus Christ. Quick, say something clever and save yourself. “I
mean that he knows what he says.” –Dammit.

“And I don’t?” –She crossed her arms, looking at me with a severe rage.

“I don’t know what I just said. I’m just drunken by love.” –I avoided her gaze and hugged her right away, being able to hear a little chuckle by her side. “I love you…”

“Lies!” –She stood apart from me and stroked a dramatic pose. “You don’t love me anymore, thus, you don’t trust me!” –I got a little scared. “You only wanted this dinner to be a goodbye to this despiteful person you call Alice!” –She got on her knees. “My lord, what have I done? What have I done to deserve this terrible fate, alone, and with no one by my side?”

She always knows how to get me.
“…No, my dearest love!” –I followed. “Your fate is uncertain, so is mine, but the only thing that is sure is that I’ll be by your side.” –I also got on my knees and took her hands. “May the sun never rise again, may the stars never be again seen, may the moon fall apart, but may our love remain true, and stand over the malicious power of destiny.”

“But will the sun rise again, will the stars be seen tonight, will the moon survive… but will we be strong enough not to collapse?” –She said.

“You could put all your poetical army against me, honey, but you will never keep me from saying the words. I have a pretty expanded vocabulary to say the same thing over and over again.” –I winked at her. “I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you for the rest of my days.”

“You know exactly what to say every time… your words make me weak! Kiss me, my love, hold me and never let go!”

That’s when I kissed her. It felt like kissing heaven’s lips; and it wasn’t far away from mine. Her lips spelled love and I made sure of adding the word forever to the equation, feeling her breath come and go with mine in a delightful, magic union.

“So long no see.” I thought. It had been a long time without kissing her like that. I really had missed it.

“So long no see...” –She said, breaking the kiss, taking me out of that paradise of feelings and taking me into a precious reality. “We have to keep doing this more often.”

“You are totally right.” –I kissed her again, with more passion than before, but keeping the same sweetness of always. “I just remembered that I can’t live without your lips for such an extended period of time.”

“You are so…” –I didn’t let her finish. I needed to kiss her again.

“…Lame? I know.” –I completed her phrase. “Now let’s finish the dinner before things get hot.” –I
stood up and tended my hand for her to reach out.

“I was so not going to say lame.” –She stood up with my help. “I was going to say that you are a very sweet person!”

“Sure.” –I laughed. “You are a very sweet person too.”

“Hey!” –She snorted. “Don’t call me like that!”

“What?” –I faked surprise. “I just said you were sweet. Who gets offended for a compliment?”

“You didn’t mean sweet like that.” –She pouted. “You meant lame.”

“See? I knew you were going to say lame.”

“You don’t know what’s on my mind” –She said, with a very sure voice.

“That’s what you think my darling.” –Then she gave me a pick on the lips and continued with the cooking. I finished dressing the poultry and put it on the oven.

As we waited for the chicken to cook, Alice and I played an old game we used to play when we were younger, called “What if…” It could be played between 2 people or more. In this game you have to give your adversary any What-if-clause and that person has to make a quick conclusion about the events in a period of time no longer than twenty seconds. Then, you would have to say how the actual situation would be. It really didn’t have any point or purpose; we played it just to have a fun time.

“What if Beethoven switched places with Adolf Hitler?” –I asked, a little amused by my own intelligence, taking a crisp out of the Pringle’s container.

“There would have been an army of musical Nazis and the so called classical music of today would be a complete compilation of the screams the Jewish people gave in agony.” –She giggled.

“And the situation is…?”

“Bad!” –She said after a while. “Okay, my turn. What if Bill Gates happened to be an evil genius that slowly made sure of washing our brains through our computer screen? Or… no, wait, what if the sounds Windows makes are supposed to get into our heads and ate our capacity of thinking bit by bit?”

“Are you serious?” –I inquired.

“Of course I’m being serious! Now, time is passing!”

“Damn…” –I doubted a little. “The whole human race would eventually turn into some strange kind of zombies. Everybody would become Mr. Gates’ slave, everybody except for those ones who haven’t had the opportunity of using a computer with Windows system.”

“First world problems…” –She added.

“Yes! I personally think it would be awesome for Bill and his beloved ones, but for the rest of us… well, not so much. So I’ll classify it as a bad situation.”

“Okay, what if the extinction of the dinosaurs involved occult arts and telling a spell brought them back?”

We happened to be a very weird couple. Our relationship fascinates me and makes me feel like the most stupid person of the planet. Where do I start?

Since we met, I’ve felt protected. I always knew I had someone to count on, when I was mad, sad or just tired, she made me feel good!

And I love that. I love that part she had taken in my life, and that still has. As a person, she is sometime not as attentive as I would want to, but she still does a lot of little things that charm me.
She is tremendously sweet to me, even though she has a lot of problems with herself; she is always
there for me.

Sometimes I find myself smiling just because of her smile, sometimes she tells me she is happy just because I am… The thing is that, aside of being my girlfriend, she has always been my best friend. And I know that I can always be sure of her being by my side, loving me, making me happy.
I don’t know what God’s plans on us are, but I’m sure of the happiness we’ve had, the one that we have today and we will always fight to keep that happiness alive.

You know the phrase “Nothing’s impossible.”? It is totally true. Things get tough, and some of them are hard to get through, but it’s possible. When we’re together, that rule applies perfectly. Because I feel we can do anything, and everything, not giving a damn about what people think about us.

When we’re together, we’re happy, and that’s it.

There are no awkward silences, there is never going to be a moment when we’re together and we feel uncomfortable. That makes me happy. That’s why I always long for being with her. We play, we laugh, we kiss, we fight, we do weird things and we feel perfectly at ease with it.

We invent games, table games, familiar games, even erotic games. We joke around, we kick around, we scoff at each other, sometimes we are extra cruel, we sometimes get mad at each other, but at the end it’s all right, because one of us always makes something to gladden the other.

Kissing her is completely delicious. When we’re alone we kiss however much we want, like, trying to get to know each other in a much absolute way. Sometimes I feel out lips are meant to be together, they match, like two pieces of a puzzle, and it feels just right. She bites me, I bite her… and sometimes she hurts me or I hurt her, but we can simply fix it by kissing sorry, allowing us to attack each other again.

Our so called “tongue battles” are completely sweet and harsh; keeping it as a fight for dominance but still gentle. It is complicated but so simple… Sometimes she wants to taste everything, kiss everything, lick everything, feel everything and while she is attacking your mouth, you just want her to fondle every part of your body!

That’s something I love… caressing her, like every part of her body belongs to me, kissing her arms, her belly, her hands, her neck, letting her feel good. It makes me feel fine; listening to her moaning or making sounds that let me know that she feels alright... it’s gratifying, more than ever when she does it to me. It’s just like a titillation that extends all over me; a tender, yet exciting feeling.

I love having her close to me. I love her smell, her skin, her embrace. When we’re together I feel strong and weak at the same time. When she hugs me I feel in such peace, secure and happy. She squeezes me almost inside of her chest, and makes me feel so strange and truly in love…

Our communication is just perfect…I think that’s what makes us so comfortable at saying anything to the other; she trusts me and I trust her. We talk about everything. Sometimes I feel she doesn’t tell me something, or I keep myself from telling her something, just because it doesn’t quite matter, or because I know she wouldn’t feel good with herself, at all. And one could say only a little percentage of what we don’t tell each other is because we really don’t want the other one to find out or when something bad happens to me, in my case.

It’s rewarding, knowing that there’s someone you can tell everything to, about anything, even a very stupid thing that doesn’t really matter, and it’s still a conversation topic. We just talk! And it’s cute.

I love everything about her, everything about our relationship, even with its hard parts.
The hood rand letting us know that the fowl was cooked. We went to the kitchen and the smell that came from the kiln invaded our senses. It made me want to faint into that glory of scent.

“Is it ready?”

“Yes! I’ll slice and fix it in a minute. Before, I have to go washing my hands.” –I spilled, on my way to the restroom.

“Why don’t you just wash them here?” –She said, pointing to the sink.

“The bathroom is there for a reason. Be right back.” –She growled and mumbled something I wasn’t close enough to hear.

…Same procedure. I preferred going to the lavatory just because it was more private and adequate for me to turn my sleeves up without Ally noticing anything.

Suddenly, the lights went off.

“…Honey? Are you there? Where are you!?” –Alice desperately shouted from the dining room.

“It’s okay, baby, I’ll be right there.” –I got a little startled because of her screaming, so I just rapidly fixed myself and walked across the house making my way to Alice. “It’s okay…” - I tried to calm her down, knowing about her fear to darkness.

I unexpectedly happened to crash onto someone, out of the blue, Alice and I were on the floor, one on top of the other. It hurt, I have to confess.

“Alice, Alice, get off me please!” –It felt like she didn’t listen so I just pushed her away to my side.

“What is your problem? Damn! It was an accident, you didn’t have to shove me off like that…” –She sounded angry.

“You bashed my boobs.” –I said, thoughtlessly patting one of them, making myself laugh.

“Ouch! In that case I’m sorry! It’s just that, admit it, your boobs are huge.” –She chuckled.

“Ugh… They aren’t huge; they are just a little bigger than usual.”

“Huuuuuuuuge.” –She got on top of me again and grabbed them.

“Shut up, they are not huge! They are big, but not huge. It’s not my fault your lack of meat makes you look like a boy!”

“Hell no, you didn’t!” –She snorted.

“Yes I did! You know it’s true, honey.” –I blankly smiled at her. “But I still think you are terribly hot, don’t feel bad.”

“You are just manipulating my mind… Saying something bad and then saying something nice is a very unkind thing.” –She started wailing like a little girl, yet atop me.

“You are the one who’s manipulating me…” –I giggled, she was still ‘crying’. “Come here, I’m sorry.”

I hugged her and she started kissing my neck. It felt so good… But I was hungry, and I was not going to let this little heat moment become longer than needed, or at least not yet.
I know; I’m such a turn off.

“…Alice, not now. We have to eat!” –I stuttered. Even though I couldn’t see her, I could feel her
frowning.

“No, I don’t want to eat.” –She said, ignoring me.

“You were the hungry one in first place! Come on, we will have le sexy time later.”

“Okay…” - She growled. “But won’t you take your jacket off? It’s starting to get hot in here, and I’m not talking dirty…”

“Not yet, I feel a little cold, actually.” –I lied.

“Okay baby… I will have to take it off by myself later, along with other clothing of yours.”

“Okay…” –I decided to avoid the subject, even though the simple concept of her taking my clothes off sounded amazing. We’ll drink some wine and she will soon forget about it. “Let’s go search for some matches, this will be a romantic dinner beneath the candlelight.”

“Like on movies?” –She asked, taking my hand.

“Yes.” –I answered. “It could also be beneath the moonlight if you want.”

“Moonlight sounds even more romantic than candles!” –She placed herself in front of me. “But it’s cooler outside. You will need another jacket!” –She laughed.

“I don’t mind.” –I said. “Food is hot, besides, you know I like chilly weather and being cold.”

“Right… oh, and remember wine always gives you a warm feeling inside.” –She spilled.

“Moonlight it is then.” –I hugged her for a moment, kissing her forehead. “Let’s move out to the outdoor table.”

Helping ourselves with our cell phones and a lantern, we finished preparing everything and got ready to eat.

“What do you think caused this blackout?” –She asked, bringing a piece of chicken to her mouth.

“I don’t know, probably some power transformer failed. It’s been a while since the last time it was
given some upkeep.” –I told her. “We will find out in the morning. It will be possibly fixed in a couple of hours.”

“Oh, I see.” –She continued.

At that moment I didn’t care much about energy problems, I was just too taken aback by the beauty in front of my eyes that I sincerely didn’t give a damn.

She looked so angelical… She was the girl of my dreams in reality. At that moment I realized I didn’t care about anything at all. I looked at her and I saw love.

I loved her. That’s all that mattered.