The Sun Always Sets in Paradise

It took Haden only a matter of moments to climb off me, adjust himself, and escape through the backdoor. After he had climbed off of me, I instantly curled up into a ball and sobbed uncontrollably. I wasn’t sure how long I laid in there by myself before Ellie came in looking for me, but I assumed that it was long enough for me to feel chilled.

She said something to me but I didn’t hear her. It was like there was cotton in my ears so all I heard was her muffled, frantic voice. I wanted to escape. I just closed my eyes tightly. In my attempt to try and a happy place in my memories, my sobbing silenced and my tears stopped like a faucet turning off.

I had found some kind of happy place. Or as close to one that I could find. It was that corner of the mind where you could, in a way, lock yourself in a dark room. Now I was no longer fearful or hurting. I was numb and wanted to sleep. Just get that feeling of succumbing to darkness so I didn’t have the possibility of reliving anything.

After finding my solace, everything seemed like it was in a haze. Almost as if I wasn’t there but instead, watching everything happen. I wasn’t, obviously, and yet it felt like a dream.

Nonetheless, I was still vaguely aware of my sirens. So I knew that there was this screaming, wailing sound. Sirens more likely. But from where? Cop cars, maybe? Or an ambulance? Possibly both. Why were they nearby? Maybe Ellie didn’t know what else to do when she saw me. I suddenly thought that it was a bad idea that they were there. I could take care of myself.

Someone touched my arm and I instantly found my voice. Blood-curdling screams erupted from my
mouth. I had no idea why I was screaming and I didn’t care. It seemed like it had been built up; suffocated and desperately ready to be released. I did remain in the fetal position, but that was only because I seemed to be frozen to the spot. The screams started to hurt my ears but I just squeezed my eyes tighter shut and continued on. My lungs eventually burned more and more with each passing second.

Something gave me a quick sharp pain that I hardly noticed before I was dragged to where I wanted to be. I welcomed the darkness eagerly.

******************************************************************

Beep.
Beep.
Beep.

I cautiously opened my eyes. Correction, eye. My other was swollen mostly shut and throbbed along with the other half of my face. Nonetheless, when I opened my eye, everything was white. I almost thought that I was dead but the pain and the beeping next to me disproved that fact. I grimaced when I realized that I was just in the hospital with the wretched heart monitor to keep me awake.

I could feel all emotions, memories.. Ahh Fuck it. I could feel everything from the previous night- Or day. Or week. Oh fuck, how long was I out? Whatever. – start to bombard my mind.

No.

I shook my head violently in hoped of shaking the horrid nightmares from my mind. Yet, they were relentless.

I wanted to cry. Die even.

No.

I was stronger than that. I can survive.

Oh hell, I just want to crawl into a dark room and sleep until I knew how to cope with life…

“Hey…” A voice that elongated the greeting made me look for the source.

It was Ellie.

“I see that you are awake.” She murmured, coming closer to the bed until she was sitting in the chair next to me.

I just stared at her with panicked eyes. “Yea..” My voice was incredibly hoarse and my throat hurt horrendously. “How long have I been out?”

“Just a few hours. They didn’t give you enough… uhh… whatever they gave you, to knock you out for very long.”

I nodded slightly in acknowledgement.

“So…” Concern was etched in Ellie’s young face. It made her look so much older than she was.

“Hooker, concern does not go well with your skin tone.” I smiled in hope that she’d realize it was a joke even with my somber tone.

A strained laugh came from Ellie but she fell silent quickly. A few moments of silence passed between us before she broke it with a hoarse whisper. “Who was it?”

I froze before forcing myself to relax. “I don’t know.” I lied in a strained tone. “It happened so fast and I think he had a mask on, too.”

My story seemed hardly believable. Plus, I had no idea why I was covering for Haden but I felt like I had too. It was a duty I had to myself even if I was currently unaware of my intentions.

Ellie frowned and for an instant, I thought that she was seeing right through my lie. Luckily she didn’t. Ellie shook her head and took my hand.

“I’ll always be here for you, okay?” She whispered.

“I know.” I murmured.

“Seriously.”

******************************************************************

I was being asked a few questions by some cops just as my mom came into the hospital. She only stayed long enough to discharge me though. But, to my surprise, my mom did ask me if I was okay. However, that was as far as her concern extended. After that, she proceeded to immediately ask Ellie to bring me home before leaving to go back to work.

Currently, I was walking out of the accursed hospital with Ellie next to me. She grabbed my hand in a companionable way to give it a reassuring squeeze. I nearly started to cry. Ellie was amazing. Such a wonderful friend…

******************************************************************

Days had passed since the “incident.” No one seemed to be really know what hapend, but there were still rumors. Some scared me by how close they were to the truth but no one really knew. That was one thing that actually made me somewhat happy.

One casualty that definitely upset me was making eye contact with Haden every time I passed him in the hallways or in the cafeteria. He would smile in sick triumph which, a few times, actually caused me to vomit. Luckily, though, I had made it to the bathroom before the contents of my stomach expelled onto the floor.

Also, I had nearly let the truth slip out to Ellie even though we never talked about it. It had just been the random urge to tell her everything the few times. Then again, it could only be assumed being that I had been telling her everything about me since we started to be friends.

But even with me catching myself, I had noticed that my voice had not been used as often as it used to be. I mean, I had even talked and been happy when I was getting the shit beat out of me. I just had never let it get to me like I had let this. I couldn’t help it though.

Just as my words were becoming less, so was my social interaction. I even avoided eye contact with pretty much everyone if I could. I was starting to draw even deeper inside of my own mind. I knew that I was hurting Ellie by doing this but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

I walked down the hall with my stomach aching. But I didn’t feel hungry. Was I depressed? No, I couldn’t be…

I denied the possible condition by making my legs move faster to the Chemistry classroom. I had become familiar with being one of the first students in the room. It allowed me to be by myself. Well mostly because Mr. Leroy usually occupied the room as well.

However, when I stepped into the doorway, I was shocked by seeing Maxim sitting in his spot next to me. My head instantly snapped to Mr. Leroy’s desk to see that he was absent at the moment.
I could feel panic rise in my chest but I quenched it. I just told myself that if anything happened, it wouldn’t be any different than the first time.

I slowly made my way to my usual seat. Maxim didn’t seem to acknowledge my presence as I slid into the chair next to him. I sighed deeply; relieved. Or I was until he slowly turned his head to look at me.

I tensed and kept my eyes staring blankly at the wall. My head rested casually on my left hand, all the while; so that my right eye’s peripheral vision would involve Maxim. I felt more secure that way; being able to see him like that, that is.

“You are very thin.” His husky voice was smooth and calm.

I turned my attention to him and raised an eyebrow in a questioning manner.

“In other words, you look unhealthy.”

“Thanks.” I replied sarcastically.

“Why?” This question from him caught me slightly off guard.

“Haven’t you heard?” I venomously replied; all the while, being overly sarcastic. “There are just so many stories flying through the school! It should give you plenty of options to choose the one that fits your taste. Anyways, why the fuck would you want to know?”

Maxim narrowed his eyes to me but not in a malicious way. It was more of a concerned kind of look. “I want to hear from you on why you are so unhealthy looking. It may seem odd but I don’t appreciate watching you slowly wither away.”

What the fuck?

“You want to know why I am unhealthy. Again, why? Why is my health of such importance to you? Don’t you think you’re first concern would be why I have half my face practically bruised?!” I was in near hysterics. Part of me loved it because that meant that I had more than one emotion but the other hated it because it was pulling me out of my dark room from the corner of my mind

But even with me close to being in hysterics, I did notice hard gleam come into Maxim’s eye when I mentioned the bruising.

“Well, what the fuck! Answer me!” I demanded after practically two seconds from finishing my first rant.
The hard gleam in Maxim’s eye was replaced with a soft, but stern, concern. “You should stop swearing to me.”

I glared at him.

“The only reason I did not ask about your face was because I assumed that something horrendous happened to you. Why dive into a subject that would become a sensitive and, assuming, very sorrowful conversation right away? As for me asking why you were so skinny, I am genuinely concerned about your health.” I started to say something but he held up his hand in silence before proceeding.

“Don’t ask me why but I absolutely loathe watching a beautiful girl like you waste away. I also dislike not knowing why.” Maxim took a deep breath before continuing. “Desiree… Please do not, and I mean it, do not stop fighting. Don’t give up on a war that you believe is already lost.”

I was speechless. Thus, resulted in me just staring at Maxim with wide eyes.