Choices We Make

It had been weeks since I had last talked to any of the guys. That wasn't to say they didn't try however. I received many phone calls from all of them except for Josh, but I let them all go straight to voice mail.

Marisol and Josh had gotten over their petty argument and had started hanging out on a daily basis. Besides that however my life went back exactly to the way it was before I met any of them.

Marisol was usually with Josh someplace or out with other friends, and my not speaking to Max and the other boys made me aware of how lonely and friendless I truly was. Some days were better than others, some days I barely had time to think about the lads, other days I found myself clutching my ringing cell phone with my finger almost pressing the call button.

Josh for the most part completely ignored me whenever he was over with Marisol. This was painful and relieving at the same time. The pain was from the fact that Josh was the person I wanted to talk to most about how awful I had been feeling lately, but he was also the one that caused the emotions. I was relieved because he was avoiding me and making it easier to not be in his life. I was lost, confused, and completely shattered.

JOSH POINT OF VIEW

The day after the nightmare at the club I had felt the lowest I had ever been in my life. I had gotten Max tangled up in my mess, forced Matt to try and clean everything up, and left Audrey alone and confused. It had been two weeks and the boys barely talked to me, except for Chris, who clearly was not on my side in all of this, but only pitied me.

I would have never predicted my lies and secrets could have twisted up everyone I cared about in my life. I regretted everything, but I didn't do anything to fix my errors. Instead however, I consumed my time with Marisol, which was perhaps the poorest decision conceivable.

We had been laying on the couch in the flat her and Audrey shared.

Lately I had been going over to Marisol’s place when we hung out because it was clearly implied that none of my band members enjoyed the company of Marisol, and as much as I would never had admitted it at the time, I wanted to see Audrey.

We were lying side to side on the small couch pressed together. Marisol had her head on my chest and was rubbing circles into it, while I was staring up at the white ceiling in a daze counting the amount of tiles lining the walls. My concentration was abruptly broken when Marisol’s phone rang loudly causing her to get up quickly and read the caller id.

“It’s a call about the shipping for clothes at the shop.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll be right back!” She pressed the answer button and walked out of the room.

I restarted counting waiting for her to come back, but after 20 minutes I was bored. I sat awkwardly looking at my hands, occasionally glancing at the large clock towering about the television set.

10 more minutes and Marisol still had not returned. I was about ready to leave when I recalled the fact that Audrey was sitting up in her room alone only a small distance away from me. It was the perfect time to talk to her, to apologize, and explain.

I wiped the imaginary dust my pants off and got up from the couch walking towards the window lit hallway that I assumed was where Audrey’s room was located.

I reached a door at the end of the hallway and heard fingers typing away at a keyboard quickly. I peered my head around the door frame and revealed Audrey sitting on her bed with a laptop carefully placed in her lap. I walked in slowly letting the scent of her room fill my nostrils and opened my mouth to say something.

She lifted her head and looked at me in confusion; one of her perfectly manicured eyebrows was raised. I closed my mouth quickly. Her expression alone was enough to make me feel the guilt, shame, and grief that had been progressing inside of me all at once.

She looked less than perfect. Her hair was tied up in a messy braid at the back of her head but pieces had fallen out and were now framing her face delicately. Her pajamas shorts were wrinkled and worn out and a loose shirt was draped on her, yet she looked more than lovely I had ever seen her before. It was the first time I had ever seen her without make up, fancy clothes, or jewellery. I felt privileged that I had gotten to see her in such a natural sight, yet at the same time jealous over the fact that everything came to her so effortlessly.

My mind froze up, as cliché as it sounded. It was almost as if she had a super power to obliterate everything I needed to tell her and was compelling my mouth sealed. I felt stupid; I couldn't do anything but gaze at the blue eyes that I knew so well, even before she knew my name. I stood at the door frame lost in a sort of trance while she stared back at me. It felt like years, months, days, hours until I finally worked up just enough courage to walk about of the room.

I sat back down slowly on the ivory couch let the shame and embarrassment flow through me. She must have thought I was creepy, maybe even a stalker. I wanted more than anything in the world just to tell her everything on my mind, but it wasn't that easy, nothing’s that easy.

Marisol sauntered back into the room smiling at me largely.

“Is something wrong babe? You look terrible, don’t frown you’ll get even more wrinkles.” I couldn't tell if she was joking or not because her smile was replaced by a scowl.

I got up and wrapped my arms around her shoulders kissing her temple softly.

“Nothing’s wrong.” I faked a smile. “ I've just got to get home, it’s getting late.”

“Stay here then!” She winked at me.

I gave her my most convincing smile hiding my displeasure. “The boy’s wanted to go out tonight.” I lied.

“Give me 5 minutes and I’ll be ready then.” She smiled kissing me.

“No Mari, they wanted to have a guy’s night out. We haven’t had one in such a long time and we really need to talk about important things.” I only lied a little this time. I was going to talk to the guys tonight, I was going to fix everything.

I felt even worse when I watched her smile crumble.

“Is Audrey invited to this guy’s night out too?” She asked bitterly.

“No, Mari I told you already, I don’t even know why she was with the lad’s last time. I figured they were just going to drop her off, I had no idea she was going to be at the bar. I still don’t understand why you’re getting all jealous about Audrey. I’m dating you, I don’t want her.” I said clearing up, once again, what me and Marisol had been fighting about weeks earlier.

A cupboard closed sharply behind us and Audrey stood with a cup of tea in her hands. Her lips were pursed slightly and her gaze was on the floor, she nodded her head gently and proceeded back into her room without a word.

“It’s not you I worry about honey, I think Audrey has a thing for you. I’m just protecting what’s mine.” She pulled my head down and placed a large kiss on my lips.

--

I had finally managed to get away from Marisol and was now back at the apartment I shared with the rest of the guys. The house was clean again meaning Elissa, my sister, had been by to clean it again for us.

I made my way into the dining room where the boys were all already sitting around the table already eating without bothering to wait for me.

I stood at the long end of the table and took a deep breath. All their eyes were on me, most of them curious, some annoyed, but Max’s were the most upsetting. His brown eyes, which were in almost every single one of my fondest memories, were looking back at me with hate.

“I’m going to fix this.” I stated.

“Good fucking luck with that one mate, we are all trying to fix this, except of course you. You’re too busy off with Marisol letting everyone else deal with your problems. In case you missed the last three weeks, she’s not answering any of our phone calls.” Matt said rolling his eyes.

“I know I've been acting like a twat lately. I’m sorry, I didn't realize how big of a mess I made until today. I am honestly, truly sorry. I understand you guys all hate me, you definitely have every right to but I need all of you to help me with my plan.” I put an emphasis on the word all, and gave Max a look to say ‘are you in?’

The other boys all looked at Max as if he could answer for all of them.

“This better fucking work.” He said crossing his arms across his chest.

I nodded and smiled. It would work, I knew it would.