My Only One

Vic's POV

My heart felt like it stopped.

But I couldn't understand why.

Jaime and I weren't doing anything wrong, just friendly banter. It's not like we'd kissed or anything of the sort. But still, Kellin's eyes shone with hurt, blue eyes troubled and lips clamped shut, threatening to quiver.

Jaime audibly gulped, climbing to his feet.

"Kellin, we weren't-"

"I know." He whispered, but I could tell it was forced. Kellin was incredibly self-conscious and insecure, I knew, so I also knew little things like this could send him into a spiral of paranoia. Of course he wouldn't say that, though. He's too nice.

I stood up, brushing the flour off of myself, refusing to let the discomfort show when Jaime let out an awkward cough. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife; Jaime looked as if he wanted to melt into the floor, and Kellin looked small and fragile from where he was standing.

No one had time to speak up again before Alex was bouncing through the doorway humming, though her happy demeanor dropped as she saw the mess.

"What the fuck happened in here?! What the fuck, guys?" She groaned at us, rolling her eyes and pausing, sending Kellin a surprised glance. "Oh, hi, Kellin. No but seriously, look at this fucking mess. What did you two do? Gesù cristo; voi due sarà la mia morte."

Jaime chuckled awkwardly at her Italian rant, kicking at the substance-coated, tacky blue kitchen tile. "I-I'll clean it up. I-um. Come on, Alex. Help me get some cleaning supplies."

He grabbed her hand, a confused look washing over her face. "But the cleaning stuff is right-"

"Alex, come on."

Dragging the confused girl up the stairs with him, Jaime disappeared from my sight, leaving me in the awkward silence. I cursed under my breath; of course, he'd make me fix it.

Thanks, Jaime.

Part of me wanted to cry, and I really didn't even know why. Like I'd said, we didn't do anything.

Maybe that was it, though. That I wished he would've made that move. Maybe it was guilt, irritation. Whatever it was, I didn't like it, and I didn't like the way Kellin was looking at me right now.

I sighed, taking a few hesitant steps forward. "You do know we weren't-"

"I do." He assured, interrupting and waving his hand to stop me from explaining. "I was just, surprised? I'm being stupid, I know. It's just been a really long night."

"But-"

"I know nothing was going on. There's nothing to explain, really, or to apologize for." He laughed a bit breathlessly, shaking his head. I couldn't believe my ears. My expectation was a huge fight, but it seemed Kellin was hardly in the mood to speak above a whisper. "Anyways, I should be the one apologizing. I'm just tired and agitated, and it just-"

"Looked that way?"

"Yeah, I guess. Like something off a cheesy, romantic comedy." He grinned a bit, rolling his eyes and trying to ease the tension, which I appreciated. "You two made a fucking disaster, though."

I let out a breath of relief, even though Kellin didn't look like it was fine. At least he wasn't mad at me. Being honest, I was really done with my life being a Soap Opera at the moment.

Despite my thoughts, I pouted, traipsing over to him and putting an arm around his waist. "He called me a fatty, though."

"Shame on him for telling the truth."

"Fuck you, Bostwick."

"Love you too, Fuentes." Kellin smirked, affectionately smacking my arm and sauntering into the living room.

Although his demeanor had turned playful, I noticed how he curled and uncurled his fingers as he walked, a sure sign that he was still upset. This upset me, too, adding to the pooling guilt in my gut. Why did it all have to be so confusing?

I didn't fucking like Jaime. Kellin was who I adored, and that was that.

I didn't love Jaime like that anymore.

Truth is, Kellin never deserved any of this. If I wasn't such a cocky asshole back in the tenth grade, none of this would've happened. He would've ended up with a great guy and I would've ended up with Jaime. If it wasn't for me, he'd have someone to really look after him.

Honestly, I wasn't good enough for anybody, I thought. I was only considered good looking to other people because of the reputation I had. My face, body, and overall looks wasn't anything special.

I could still remember, though, when none of this mattered. Before I had a reputation, when I was just a kid. Things were so simple, and nice.

But now I'd grown up into an inconsiderate asshole who was shit to my boyfriend, and to my ex-boyfriend. Hell, I'd fucking cheated before and if I was being honest, I hated myself.

Jaime and Kellin were such good people, and I had ruined things for the both of them.

"You're thinking too hard." The dark haired boy whispered, breaking me of my thoughts while staring at me through dark eyelashes from his spot on the chair facing towards me. "What about?"

"Just regretting things." I admitted, picking at a thread on my shirt and ignoring his gaze. "Well, mostly how much of a dick I've become and how I don't deserve you. And how much I care about you. How sorry I am for not being there for you more, and how beautiful and strong you are. The usual."

It didn't hurt to add.

Kellin blushed, nibbling at his lip. "You're not a dick, babe. You shouldn't regret anything, because living in the past will only bring you down."

"How can I not regret things, Kell?" Walking over to the chair, my mind wandered again. "I've fucked up and fucked over everything and everyone."

"No you haven't."

"Don't defend me." The demand came out desperate, as if I was begging, resembling that of a poor man pleading for a morsel of food, or maybe a coin or two.

Kellin sighed heavily, which again snapped me out of my thoughts in surprise. I looked up to see him shaking his head at the ground.

"When are you going to learn that your mistakes don't make you? Even if you make many, they're learning experiences. You're changing every day, you know, for the better. If you could see yourself through someone else's eyes for a day..." He trailed off, shutting his eyes. "You don't give yourself enough credit. Stop beating yourself up; it's only hurting you, and that's the world's job."

Kellin stood then, wiping a tear from my cheek I didn't know was there, and kissing the wet patch it left behind. "You're not your mistakes, Vic Fuentes."

"Kel-"

"I'll go put in Coraline. Don't forget the drinks."

_

"Say it!"

"N-no!"

"Say it, Bostwick, or so help me god I'll tickle you into oblivion!"

Kellin gasped for air in between the giggles, pushing against my chest with one hand and using the other to smack my arms away.

"Fine. F-fuck, Vic Fuen-Fuentes is the master at Ma-Mario Kart and I'm a great big f-faggoty faggot!" I kept tickling his sides, and he squirmed, searching for more to say. "He's better than me! He's hot! He's sexier than a-anyone in the world- stop!"

I laughed, ceasing my hands and instead placing them on either side of his face as he caught his breath, the smell of vanilla fanning itself against my face that was unnecessarily close to his.

"You're cute." I finally said, lamely touching his nose with mine. He giggled, his cheeks turning a shade of pink as he struggled to even out his breathing.

"Well, then." He forced out, shaking his head as dark locks fell over his eyes. "Are you going to stare at me all evening or kiss me?"

I grinned, lowering my lips onto the boy's under me, savoring the feeling. Kellin began to kiss back snaking an arm up my chest and around my waist, tilting his head to get a better angle.

I smiled into the kiss, my fingers tracing small circles on his hips as I felt him shiver, letting out a small noise of approval. His grip on me tightening, Kellin licked along my bottom lip for access, which I hesitated to grant.

His tongue took accustomed to exploring my mouth, and it's when I returned the favor that he moaned into my mouth, hips snapping up to meet mine.

I gasped, breaking the kiss and shaking my head, doing my best to ignore his dilated pupils blown wide with lust. The boy under me pouted, running a finger across my chest as I straddled his hips.

"Why'd you stop?" He practically whimpered, saddened gaze not quite meeting my own.

"B-because, Alex, Mike, and Jaime are a room away."

Kellin groaned, laying his head against the carpeted floor of my bedroom. "We've had sex with them a room away before. I can be quiet."

"Never Jaime, though." I reminded him, leaning back on my heels.

"Why does it matter?"

"It's just... Weird, Kellin."

"He knows we fuck, Vic. No offense, but it's no secret you're not president of the celibacy club."

"Stop being a dick about this. I just don't want to fuck you a room away from my best friend-"

"And ex."

"Stop, Kellin. You're being an asshole about this. Please just stop."

"You just... Ugh, Vic." Kellin mumbled, an irritated noise bubbling in his throat as he put his hands to his eyes.

"What?" I asked him, blankly but legitimately curious as to why he was being like this. "I just what?"

"You're being different."

"I though that was a good thing!" I shouted, exasperated and confused.

"So did I!" He yelled back, pushing at my chest, and I got the picture, standing up and giving him a bit more range of motion, although I still had a height advantage. "But I realized that although you're being less of an ass, you're being completely different from who I fell in love with! That cocky asshole Vic is who I fucking fell in love with, Vic, as stupid as that is. The one who would skip school just to stay home with me, get drunk and have sex all day. The one who'd make arrogant remarks about everything. He was charming, and exhilarating and where the fuck did he go?"

I was furious by this point. Was Kellin really mad because I was changing for the better and becoming my old self again?

"I don't know where he went, but I fucking hated him. That's not who I wanted to be, beating up random assholes who threatened me and getting everyone else to do my homework. That persona I built up? It wasn't me, Kellin. You didn't fall in love with me. You fell in love with what I acted like, is that what you're saying?"

"No!" Kellin slammed a fist against my desk, his face reddening with anger. "I fell in love with you, and this isn't fucking you! It's who Jaime wants you to be!"

"Wait, where the fuck did that come from? Leave Jaime the hell out of this!"

"He's changed you, Vic. You never... You never tell me 'I love you' anymore, almost like you're scared you don't mean it. You never fucking act half-attracted to me anymore. You never want to just hang out alone. We haven't went on a date since that fucking concert, hell, we haven't had sex since that concert! What happened to the guy that just couldn't keep his hands off of me? He's been vanishing in front of my eyes since his ex came back around. Fuck, he gets more contact than I do!"

"Is that was this is?" I breathed through my clenched teeth, my fists balling and unballing as I tried to keep myself collected. "You're jealous?"

"Yes, I'm very fucking jealous, Vic."

"What? Do you think you're just a casual fuck? I've been dating you for two god damn years!"

"I know that! You were never as happy, though. It's no secret you still have feelings for him-"

"Maybe I fucking do! Maybe I fucking adore Jaime to death, you fucking prick!" I shouted half-sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "Really, Kellin, what sort of statement is that? If I wanted to be with him, I'd be with him, and wouldn't second guess breaking your poor little fucking heart. I wouldn't regret adding another tragedy to your sob story of a life because you can find a new guy to tell it to and sleep with him behind his boyfriend's back like the fucking slut you are! How's that for getting your cocky asshole of a boyfriend back?"

Kellin's mouth fell open, and immediately regretted everything.

Tears sprung to both of our eyes as we stood quietly, staring each other with the same expression and lack of words. The television in the other room had been turned off, so we knew they were listening but that didn't matter.

What mattered was how bad I'd fucked up.

"Kellin, you know I didn't m-mean that-"

"Save it." He spit, wiping angrily at his cheeks. "You see, I was wrong. You haven't changed at all, Victor Fuentes. You're still the same cheating, lying, backstabbing asshole you've always been, and there's a special place in hell for you. Tell your boyfriend he can have you. You're a worthless piece of shit and you were such a huge waste of my time."

With that, he grabbed his bag and left. I heard the car drive off, and I even heard Mike knock on my door once, followed by Alex doing the same. I heard all of it, but as if it was an outer-body experience, all I could do was stand in one spot and pathetically cry, because Kellin was fucking right.

-

Jaime's POV

"Kellin! Wait! What's going on? What just happened?"

I was chasing after Kellin as he was sprinting to his car, after I'd heard the barely audible screams from the room beside me. The room was supposedly soundproof, but we could still hear the yelling, even if we couldn't make out the words.

"Kellin, wait!"

Kellin finally slowed down right in front of his car, a heart-shattering sob ripping is way through his mouth.

"You- you can have him. He's all y-yours."

"Kellin, calm down. What are you talking about?" I did my best to keep my voice calm, hesitantly walking up to him and placing a hand to his back.

"Vic, he- he said. Oh Jaime, he said such awful things and- and I hate him."

His sobs ripped through the quiet atmosphere of the night, winter air, making me shiver as I slumped down beside him, rubbing his back in a reassuring manner.

"You don't mean that. It was just a fight; he didn't mean whatever he said."

"B-but he did, Jaime! He m-meant every word and I know it!"

"No, Kellin. Vic has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth all the time."

"He called me a s-slut, Jaime. He brought up what I d-did to you and oh Jaime, I'm so sorry. I'm s-so fucking sorry for everything. This isn't your fault; you're such a g-good guy. Oh, I'm s-so s-sorry."

Kellin was talking so fast, gulping in air into his lungs between every few words and I still was confused as to what was going on. But what I did catch was the fact Vic had called him a slut, which made my heart harden towards him a little.

"You don't need to be sorry, Kels. You aren't a slut-"

"P-please stop being nice to me. You're m-making me hate myself more."

I sighed, now really unsure of what to do. "Kellin-"

"I want to go home, Jaime."

"Let me drive you-"

"No!"

"Kellin, you can barely talk you're crying so hard. I know you can't drive."

He seemed to be thinking about it, quietly sobbing into his knees while I rubbed his back. After a few moments though, he finally looked to, teary eyes meeting mine as he nodded.

"Okay."