This Is Me

Richard Maradoian. Dumb name huh? Well yes because he is dumb. I don't think it is humanly possible to get more idiotic than her is. Wanna know the sad truth? If he ever stopped talking to me I would probably die. Your probably now reading this thinking "What a freak! Who is this boy!?" Well we really haven't even met. Sounds crazy I know but I took his number off my friends phone is April. We never really "Talked" until June. June 22 was dooms day in my world. Because on June 22 of 2012 I had fallen for him. I'd stayed up all night texting him. I told him practically everything. My insecurities to my strong points. He. Just. Listened. And when I would slip up and say I was fat or ugly he would fight me until I believed I wasn't. He was perfect at least in my eyes he was. And unfortunately because of that he took advantage of me without even realizing. He wouldn't text me...I would worry. He would text me and I would text back super fast and he wouldn't. I was an emotional wreck. I hated that a boy could even do that! Even after he had told me his relationship status was currently "Complicated" I still cased him. Prayed. And wished on eyelashes, wishbones, and 11:11 hoping one day he would like me as much as I liked him.
August 17, 2012. The day my world came crashing down, in flames. I logged on to Facebook and saw "11 months <3 with Richard Maradoian" Like WHAT THE HELL!? Nothing about 11 months seems Complicated to me. It seems to me like you were dating for a while!! My friend Kaitlin said that all guys are stupid and that whole situation was confusing and she was right! Like I feel like that never happens in real life! But of course it happens to me. But then I realized..he never knew I liked him how would he could he know that he meant the world to me?
So I finally decided to tell me. I did NOT hold back I told him I've like him for a while and how I knew he had a girlfriend and just everything I had on my mind. And he told me he was thinking of breaking up with her and he had "thought of me.." no what. The. Fuck? Seriously what does that mean!? Sometimes I'd rather not think about but when I talk to him I wanna ask but I just cant! Summer is closing and he still hasn't broken up with her and I can't talk to him but I have to! And I'm dying because I finally relized he can never like me as much as I like him because I don't like him...I. Love. Him. And that's the sad truth.